<p>Can success be disastrous?</p>
<p>It is true that success can be disastrous. Some may argue that success is non-destructive but in many cases success can be detrimental. Several examples from literary works and history justify this statement.</p>
<p>Julius Caesar was a great political and military leader who achieved his goal of uniting country under his rule, but his selfishness and lack of insight gradually caused his glory to dissipate. As a result, he was murdered by his fellow politicians and countrymen, even Brutus whom he loved dearly. Though he succeeded in gaining power, the power and glory of success made him blind and lead him down to a path full of calamity.</p>
<p>F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby" tells the story of an affluent society in America's roaring twenties, a time characterized by its rampant consumerism and economic prosperity. In this novel, Jay Gatsby is a man whose life revolves around one desire- to be reunited with Daisy Buchanan- the love he lost five years earlier. Gatsby's quest leads him from poverty to wealth. His infatuation with world of material wealth leads him to be blinded by the need of success. This success corrupts his life and ultimately leads to his end.</p>
<p>The pope and Crusades were successful in recapturing Jerusalem and stopping the growth of Islam, but it was a disaster. This planted seeds of hatred in Muslim community and killed many innocent people. This act of ambition was selfish, brutal and un-christian. This mistake has lead to many consequences including the growth of terrorism. </p>
<p>The stories of Julius Caesar, Jay Gatsby and the Crusades show the drawbacks of success. Although each of them succeeds in acheivement of their goals, success proves to be disastrous for them.</p>
<p>You should get a SAT practice test and write down your essay in the essay pages. Your essay is good, but one of the key things they use to grade is the length. The graders like long essays; they don’t have much time to actually analyze your essay, so try to sound intelligent and fill as much space as possible.</p>
<p>These are probably points that wouldn’t be relevant considering the time constraint, but I wouldn’t use two historical examples. I’d use one historical, one literary, and probably one current event example. </p>
<p>Also your ending is a little weak, it sounds very much like a conclusion. I personally would end it off with a little something for the market to ponder over. Even though the markers don’t read your essay super carefully, the beginning and the end still get the most attention. Take advantage of that. </p>
<p>I’d probably also use more SAT vocab words. Don’t use them unless you’re sure they fit well and make sense in context, but they definitely help a lot with your score. </p>
<p>And I concur with @b1G. Try and figure out how long your essay is on exam paper. The markers like longer essays. I generally have very small writing, so I was at an disadvantage because my essays would have the same wordcount as a regular full 2 pages but only take up 1.25 pages. So, I wrote quite a bit bigger on the SATs and filled up almost two pages. I ended up getting 10 on my essay despite not having an ending. I definitely think that the length really helped. Obviously don’t make it seem obvious that you’re writing larger for the sake of filling up space, but you could always try to write slightly larger than you normally do.</p>
<p>Thanks @ b1gm0mm4, harrovian. I’ll try to write my next essay which is greater in length and has a strong ending. I’ll post that here soon.</p>
<p>I give it a 10.</p>
<p>No basis for that grade, I’m just making it up—just like real SAT graders do 
.</p>
<p>@SuperN0va- You should have given a 12 if it was without any basis. :p</p>
<p>Hmm—hard to gauge length without it being handwritten.</p>
<p>Also note that handwriting quality may factor into SAT/ACT essay scoring–based on anecdotal evidence, poor handwriting can easily deduct you 2-3 points regardless of essay quality or even length.</p>
<p>I write in cursive. So, am i at an advantage or disadvantage?</p>
<p>As long as it’s neat and clearly legible, I don’t think the manuscript/cursive distinction matters.</p>
<p>I agree with Quiet, as long as it is neat and legible, but cursive tends to be less neat than print, and I remember reading somewhere that print gets higher scores, but I don’t even know where I heard that.</p>
<p>@quietlurker, @harrovian- Can you guys review my cursive handwriting? I’ll PM you.</p>
<p>I’m no graphologist (in fact, my own handwriting is terrible), but I would be happy to take a look and give you my opinion if you would like. Feel free to PM me.</p>
<p>To answer the question you posed in your OP, I would give your essay a 5 (out of 6); it’s decent in terms of content and is not poorly written but doesn’t quite spam enough SAT vocab or conclude nicely enough to earn a perfect score, IMO.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Work on attributing exactly why success can lead to the downfall of someone. It’s difficult to say whether it was success that made Gatsby, Caesar, etc. fall apart or their something else. And also, if the Pope’s crusades were a disaster, was it really a success? Was success just a tool to expand their issues in character? </p></li>
<li><p>Watch for grammatical errors, try to throw in big words to get those style points.</p></li>
<li><p>Don’t worry about a conclusion if it’s not going to add much. Just tack on something at the end and you’re good.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>@charlescollege- Could you please suggest how to write a good conclusion?</p>