Please grade my essay?

<p>This is the FIRST essay I've written so far for a Practice SAT test (so please don't be too contemptuous of my writing). I didn't time myself. Could someone please give me input so I could improve more quickly? Thanks SO much!</p>

<p>The prompt:
SAT</a> Essay - real responses to an SAT essay prompt</p>

<pre><code> It is with objectivity alone that humans can be successful in making accurate observations, discoveries, and decisions. We are humans, and therefore we are emotional creatures. But to be guided by our feelings is to allow ourselves to fall victim to reckless behavior and personal prejudice. Countless instances in both history and my personal experiences have demonstrated that an individual or group guided by a calm, neutral stance will ultimately triumph over others guided by emotion or prejudice.

One guided by emotion or prejudice is giving to faulty decisions, twisted conclusions, and delusional thinking. In 1781, Great Britain officially lost its American colonies after a costly, strenuous war. But it never had to be so. When the Stamp Act was passed, the colonists reacted with fury and outrage; they protested, they boycotted taxed goods, and they threw rocks at British troops. Despite this hateful reaction, many historians believe that, were Great Britain to simply react calmly and sympathetically, the colonists' anger would have subsided and the American Revolution may not have taken place. However, the irate George III did not practice self-restraint; insulted by and hateful toward the colonists, he immediately worked to persuade Parliament to pass what the colonists would call the Intolerable Acts, thus dramatically worsening the already present hostility between the American inhabitants and Great Britain - George III's rash and anger-inspired decision prevented him from making a far better decision. Over two centuries later, one event in my life also demonstrates the problem that arises from subjective thinking. When I was about eight years old, my mother and I decided to bake a cake. After pouring the batter into the pan, we placed the pan in the oven, set the temperature and timer, and watched. I, observing the cake intently with joyful excitement and excessive optimism, exclaimed: "You can even see it grow if you look really, really closely," and my mother wholeheartedly agreed. It wasn't until about thirty seconds later that my mother intelligently glanced over at the power outlet and realized the oven was not plugged in. My excitement and optimism had caused me to make an entirely ridiculous and false observation. Thus, both King George III and a clueless 3rd grader fell victim to their emotions, causing them to make mistakes that could have otherwise been avoided.

On the other hand, by restraining one's emotions and attempting to remain calm and impartial, one can find success in his endeavors. As the Federalists and Anti-Federalists debated over the ratification of the Constitution, the nation kept a watchful eye on the Massachusetts convention. Without MA's ratification, the Constitution would be very unlikely to pass. After weeks of heated debate, the Anti-Federalists were vexed, impatient, and ready to give up - They exclaimed that their arguments were going nowhere and that they should all vote to get it all over with. And, were they to vote at that point, the Constitution would likely never have been ratified by MA, and thus, the United States. But it was the Federalist Sam Adams who remained composed, and recommended that it would be best to calmly continue talking about the issue. By not letting his frustration or impatience get the better of him, Sam Adams played an integral part in getting the Constitution passed. (I had another example, but I'm leaving it out because the essay would probably be too long)

Staying neutral and impartial in any situation will always allow a group or individual to make proper and accurate observations, discoveries, and decisions. This is not to say that we should all be in denial of our emotions, and thus in denial of human nature. We can allow ourselves to feel passion, enthusiasm, and optimism in all aspects of our lives. But perhaps the greatest virtue of any individual is the ability to recognize his emotions yet think, observe, and analyze with a calm, impartial eye.
</code></pre>

<p>I think this is a superb essay. Since you don’t know how much time it took you to write this essay, based on the length of this essay and the average length of essays posted here on the CC, I would say it probably took you 35-45 minutes to write it. A bit more if you include the extra paragraph that you took out… unless you’re one of those slower writers who meticulously choose their next words like I do if not pressured by time. </p>

<p>Really there isn’t much for me to critique on since it seems to me you were very fastidious in making a great essay. I suggest that once you get the hang of the type of SAT essay questions, try a timed essay. Your essay style may change drastically or it may not. But submitting a timed essay will better gauge your weaknesses and strengths in relation to the SAT scorer’s guideline. </p>

<p>The only thing I would have to say is your use of examples. The American Revolution and the Constitution are really good examples to use and you used them effectively. The third grader example, however, is too estranged from the other two examples and it sticks out like a sore thumb. Not that it wasn’t a good example, only it was like an abrupt interjection between a skillfully woven essay on history by putting your own modern twist to it. SAT tutors in the writing section recommend that it is best to stick to those examples that are from the same type (historical, literature, personal). Meaning if you choose a historical example, try to accommodate it and punctuate your thesis with another historical example rather than personal. But this suggestion is very loose because something historical and literature make a great combination. Or literature and personal.
In this case, to me, it didn’t make such a great combination. Plus it would have saved a lot of time. </p>

<p>There are some picky things I can note but that might not effectively measure your true skills in SAT essay writing since it wasn’t timed so I’m going to overlook them.</p>

<p>Overall, however, very good.
Your stance is strong. You support with examples effectively and crystal-clear. Your grasp of vocabulary is solid. I LOVE your conclusion! Especially your last sentence! :)</p>

<p>Damn, this is a really well-written essay.
The examples were perfect for the prompt and the usage of a didactic tone in the conclusion made the writing even stronger.</p>

<p>And to Josh5, not all SAT Tutors recommend using examples from the same category.
My tutor advised me to use 1 historical/1 literary (for more variety), or 2 literary examples.
It’s mainly just preference, so it doesn’t matter.
The problem with historical examples is that it isn’t AS flexible as literary examples.
So, you might find yourself stuck if the examples you planned to use doesn’t really apply to the prompt.</p>

<p>I’m not going to grade this essay since you didn’t time yourself.
SAT Scoring Scales are meant to grade essays that are written in a rush, but if you indeed produced an essay of equal quality in the given 25 minutes, I would most definitely say you would score a 11/12.
Good luck with studying!</p>

<p>I know. Like I said, it is a very loose suggestion because combinations of the three can make an extremely well-developed, effective essay.</p>

<p>Once again Chessloser, I suggest you time your next one and post it on the CC and see how people react to it. I’m really curious myself ;)</p>