Please grade my essay.

<p>Topic: Should people make more decisions on their own and rely less on the advice of experts?</p>

<pre><code>People should make decisions on their own rather than relying on the advice of experts. The novel Animal Farm and a prominent figure Albert Einstein exemplifies that personal decisions outweighs expert’s advice.

A highly-acclaimed novel Animal Farm written by George Orwell explicitly reveals that people should have their own opinions rather than depending on the wise. In the advent of the novel, the animals of the Manor Farm who longed for the freedom from their master Mr. Jones decided to rebel against him and have the farm to them. Although they successfully kicked Jones out, the animals could not completely gain their liberty. Napoleon, an intelligent and gruesome pig, took control over all the animals by threatening and brainwashing them with his agents. Squealer, a pig who was also Napoleon’s agent, convinced the animals that “Napoleon is always right.” The animals blindly followed Squealer’s sayings and never made any decisions on their own. As a result, the animals suffered more from hunger and abundant workload. Conclusively, it is paramount that people have their own opinion.

A prominent figure Albert Einstein also demonstrates that people who make their own decisions are better off than the ones who rely on the opinion of experts. During the 19th century, all the physicists adamantly believed the classic system established by Isaac Newton to study the motion of everything was perfect. They repeated the experiments and improved them. Unlike his contemporaries, Einstein thought outside the box and created a new method to perceive the universe. He put forward his new theory, special relativity, which solved some fundamental problems in physics. His theory was later proved to be right. Because he did not sheepishly follow the experts’ opinion, Einstein successfully improved the field of science. Thus, personal thoughts outweigh expert’s advices.

In conclusion, people should make more decisions on their own and rely less on the expert’s advice. As Michelle Obama once stated, “You can’t make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.”
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<p>I think this essay is an 8-9 out of 12.
You have a clear point and pretty good examples, but the writing seems like you’re just following a formula. There’s nothing special to draw the reader in. Also, the introduction and conclusion are very minimal.
You’re almost there :slight_smile: -just add some detail and interesting writing strategies (figurative language etc). </p>

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