Please Grade My Essay

<p>I'm taking the SAT in about a week, so any last minute tips would be reeeaaally helpful. Thanks in advance.</p>

<p>Prompt (Blue Book test #2):
Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Suport your position with reasoning and examples takne from your reading studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Although new technology brings excitement, optimism, and the ability to accomplish daily tasks more quickly, it also comes with some consequences. Literature, history, and our current situation lend extensive evidence to prove this aphorism.</p>

<p>Henry David Thoreau's Walden is the narrative of a man who goes to live by himself in the woods for two years without any forms of modern technology. He claims that he seeks to discover whether he enjoys life more with or without technology based on his opinion that life is too complex, and indeed discovers that he can best live life and accomplish what he wants to when he is not exposed to modern technology that simply impedes him from enjoying his life.</p>

<p>Similarly, our modern technology, though it claims to help us accomplish tasks more quickly, instead takes up time that would otherwise be spent achieving more important tasks. Email, for example, arrives much more quickly than does the mail, but therefore must be responded to more quickly, and consequently our time is constantly being swallowed up by our obligation to attend to a form of technology that claims to help us achieve things faster.</p>

<p>Technology can also prove to be a far more devastating aspect of our lives than simply a time-waster. Nuclear energy, when it was first considered as a major energy source, brought the hope of a more efficient form of energy that does not have as great a toll on the environment as do coal and oil. However, it proved to be an unreliable and damaging form of energy when the nuclear power plant at Chernobyl exploded in the late 1980's, exposing thousands to radiation and forcing many more to flee the area. The idea of nuclear energy, though originally promising, was practically thrown out of consideration as a major energy source due to its lack of reliability.</p>

<p>Technology can undeniably bring promises for the future. But often it can complicate our lives and expose us to unimaginable danger. If we can ensure that the products we use are safe and do not completely rule our lives, technology may prove to be a beneficial force for change.</p>

<p>I get the impression that my ideas are fine, but my vocabulary needs some work. Please don't be afraid to criticize as much as you want.</p>

<p>In the first paragraph, you mentioned "this aphorism", but you never actually stated an aphorism. And usually the last sentence of your intro paragraph is you thesis statement/main point.</p>

<p>Your examples are pretty good. But in your paragraph about nuclear energy, make sure you end it with a sentence about how it relates back to your thesis.</p>

<p>How long was it?</p>

<p>I would give it a 5 on the SAT scale</p>

<p>i think its coompletely futile to ask someone who is not certified in how to grade an essay of such a multitude.</p>

<p>Although Kristina looks like she might have a very good idea on this topic</p>

<p>What is this kid talking about? ^</p>

<p>
[quote]
i think its coompletely futile to ask someone who is not certified in how to grade an essay of such a multitude.</p>

<p>Although Kristina looks like she might have a very good idea on this topic

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Stop trying to sound sophisticated. You reek of pretentiousness, kid.</p>

<p>disregard tennisfreak's posts. the kid does not know what he's talking about.</p>

<p>if you want to see why (and if you want a good laugh), read this:</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?p=3211278#post3211278%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?p=3211278#post3211278&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Ok, Mech Rocket</p>

<p>What are u doing with ur life right now??</p>

<p>@ least he noez how 2 spell lol</p>

<p>
[quote]
Ok, Mech Rocket</p>

<p>What are u doing with ur life right now??

[/quote]
</p>

<p>i am currently applying to college, watching many movies, and playing zelda on the nintendo wii.</p>

<p>Good luck with that tho</p>

<p>What colleges and Sat scores?</p>

<p>What are u talking about Kristina??</p>

<p>
[quote]
an essay of such a multitude

[/quote]
</p>

<p>That doesn't sound right...</p>

<p>yup, im wrong, thanks for pointing it out it should say magnitude tho</p>

<p>ok just making sure...sometimes I learn something new.</p>

<p>yo tennisfreak, if you start stressing out about standardized tests now, your hairline will recede before a couple of other things do. ;)</p>

<p>K thanks for the advice</p>

<p>Admin, please ban the user above ^</p>

<p>^^^^Why ban tennisfreak? There are FAR worse CC members...trust me.</p>

<p>Well sorry if i had ruined ur guys posts</p>

<p>Um, this is all very entertaining...but can I have some actual, hmmm I don't know, comments about my essay? (Considering that's what this thread is supposed to be about...) Thanks Kristina for your comments, even if no one else had any...;)</p>