Please Grade my Essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>In the past, I have posted 3 essays in this forum........One of them got a positive response.......while the other 2.............uh.....yea......</p>

<p>I have practiced writing many essays recently, and this is just one that I was uncertain about. Thus, I posted it in this forum, so you guys could give me your opinions. Please give a possible grade for this essay.......</p>

<p>Topic: "Do people truly benefit from hardship and misfortune?"</p>

<p>The Essay:</p>

<p>Hardships and misfortunes are beneficial to us. Though critics may argue that hardships can only lead to our downfall, we can achieve great things through these hardships. This is exemplified in anecdotes from past, present, and personal events.</p>

<pre><code>Hardships can lead to glory. Long ago, Indian Emperor Akhbar banished his son, Prince Salim, from his Kingdom, due to Salim’s attraction towards wine and women, and his neglect towards royal duties. Salim grew up on the battlefields of Rajasthan, while constantly being attacked by enemies who don’t have any pity for a teenage boy. To protect himself, Salim learned and mastered all the techniques that would make him victorious in war. After fourteen years, when his father invited him back to the Kingdom, Salim realized that his response to the harsh conditions of his childhood had made him one of the most skilled warriors of his time. Ultimately, this skill helped him become one of India’s most powerful emperors. If Salim hadn’t suffered through the pain of being forced onto the battlefield, then he wouldn’t have achieved this glory.

Hardships and misfortunes play a key role in helping us learn what we truly want in life. When Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard, it seemed as if he had destroyed his entire future. Since he was deprived of his degree, the chances of getting a high paying job seemed to have diminished. However, after Bill Gates started Microsoft, and became a multi-billionaire, it was clear that Bill Gates didn’t need a college degree to get what he wanted in life. Bill Gates’ misfortune showed him the path that he actually wanted to take. When he was in Harvard, this path was simply hidden from view.

Hardships and misfortunes can be one of our best teachers. In grade school, I was always the guy who bullies loved. There were many instances in which they stole my glasses, lunch money, and even my watch. Due to this, I joined a karate class and started learning how to defend myself. After about two months, my karate skills were so good that no bully dared to threaten me. After succeeding in achieving my goal, I established a goal-oriented mindset. Due to my success in learning karate, I have established a habit of going after what I want. My hardships helped transform me into a person that plays an active role in achieving my goals. These hardships have taught me an important thing about life: it is possible to achieve everything you want in life, as long as you put in the effort.

Hardships and misfortunes play a prominent role in helping us achieve glory, a sense of direction in life, and knowledge pertaining to all aspects of life. The painful situations of our lives actually play a benevolent role. These situations help us reach new heights.
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2

<p>I really like how your essay is organized and how the base of your essay is really strong. Also, I thought your versatile use of vocab was fantastic. As I previously said, your examples were great, but unfortunately your supporting details didn't bolster your argument as much as I'd expected after reading your topic sentences. Your essay diminished in strength as I reached the bottom of the page, which is natural. Watch out for some grammar and language errors; ie "while constantly being attacked by enemies who don’t have any pity for a teenage boy" should be who DIDN'T have any pity for a teenage boy, because the perspective of your first paragraph was in the past tense. </p>

<p>Hm...I'd say 11/12 Good Job. </p>

<p>Suggestions: Avoid irrelevant info and improve language use</p>

3

<p>The essay looks better than the sample essay in prep. books. There are more than 450 words. Could you tell me how to write so fast, because I can just write about 300 words within 25 minutes, and the writing is really bad already.</p>

4

<p>well, in my case, I didn't really have to work on writing fast. The only thing I had to work on was the thinking part of it. I was already a fast writer. </p>

<p>I guess the best way for you to be able to write fast is to practice writing as much as you can. Maybe keep a journal or something and write in there regularly....that could possibly help. In the journal, try writing a bit quicker than you usually do. Not too quick at first.........just a little bit quicker than your normal pace. Then, as you get used to that pace, make your pace even more quicker and so on..............This should help solve the problem of "writing slow"...</p>

<p>But please..........before you go through all of this.........u have to confirm that the problem is in the writing speed and not in the thinking speed.....</p>

5

<p>Great essay--I loved all the examples. What kind of annoyed me was the fact that "hardships and misfortunes" was repeatedly used...perhaps you can find a synonymous term to replace that phrase. There were a couple of choppy sentences and points that weren't developed to their potential, but overall I would give it a 10 or a 11 :)</p>

6

<p>I think it's okay, and even clever of you to repeat the same words for several times,coz the rater only has less than one minute to finish an essay. You HAVE TO repeat something, to emphasize something...or you won't make yourself clear...At least you should make it easier for the rater to catch your point.Remember, the rater is not reading, he is devouring...And after all, it's SAT ESSAY,not a piece of arts.It's okay to do anything as long as you get the score.</p>