Please Grade My Essay!!!

<p>"No progress is possible without sacrifice" </p>

<p>It has been illustrated both in history and literature that sacrifice is inevitable for there to be progress. In the early colonial periods, European nations burgeoned, but at the price of hundreds of thousands of enslaved african americans and Native americans in tobacco plantations. In Literature, such as "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair, it has been demonstrated that success is illusory without some form of sacrifice- Whether it be sacrificing ones leisure or in many cases- health. </p>

<p>In the period of exploration during the 16th century, european countries sought to acquire new territories for world dominance. The sucess of a myriad of explorers and conquistadores (Christopher columbus, hernan Cortez) resulted in the exploitation of native settlers in the america-who were forced into servitude- and the fall of great civilizations such as the mayans and the incas; All for the sake of european expansion. </p>

<p>Countries across the globe have at some point undergone drastic political and economical changes. These changes are often induced by the desire for a more stable and prosperous economy- for progress. In china, the "Great leap forward" is exemplary of a states desire for "progress", but that resulted in a series of laws that dramatically encumbered the lives of ordinary people. Metal was to be melted at noon, and people were to obey every command of the new communist regime. Some asked "for what reason"? National pride and progression of course. </p>

<p>In the Jungle, the protagonist Jugris and his wife Ona emigrated from Lithuania to the United States, in search of the "American Dream". Their dream gradually dissipated as they came to face the horrors of the chicago stockyards puppeteer by corrupt political leaders. They wanted to make money, to progress. However, their attempt at social progress and financial success led to the death of Ona, whose health deteriorated in the days when she toiled day after day for under minimum wage.</p>

<p>There is an famous conundrum "No pain, No gain", which has become evident in history that gain is impossible with sacrifice. In the Jungle, Jugris often declared "I will work harder"! in the face of adversity- But at what costs? </p>

<p>Feed back will be appreciated. Thanks guys.</p>

<p>I vote 9-11. I'm not very familiar with grading criteria, so I'll speak in broad strokes.</p>

<p>OVERALL: Well-fleshed out, with solid examples. Average introduction. Mediocre conclusion. </p>

<p>EXAMPLES: Lots of content. But not well-structured and clearly-planned. On occasion, you sound like you're talking to yourself. Although it may be stylistic, it will be much clearer if you just follow the Thesis, Example, Elaboration example. In particular, I feel your second example is badly executed. Cut out the unnecessary details.</p>

<p>[My version of your second example, starting with "IN CHINA"]
In China, the government enacted the Great Leap Forward with the goal of achieving tremendous progress. Yet, the strictured laws dramatically encumbered the lives of the peasants. Even routine tasks like metal-melting had to be done at fixed times. While the government's goals were noble, the tough road led to meager results.</p>

<p>CONCLUSION: Your conclusion sounds mildly philosophically whimsical. Truth be told, literary devices such as rhetorical questions are wasted on the SAT. Just state how the quote links to your conclusion. Perhaps you hadn't enough time?</p>

<p>My post in one sentence: Simple paragraph structure for logical progression will serve you well. [800CR 760W 10E]</p>

<p>Go ahead and post your essay in my feedback thread <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/565800-steamedrice-s-essay-scoring-feedback-thread.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/565800-steamedrice-s-essay-scoring-feedback-thread.html&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/p>

<p>I'll help you out there :)</p>