Please Grade My Essay

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1

<p>Hello, like the title says, I need some people to grade my essay, so I'd love it if someone could spend a few minutes reading this. I followed AcademicHacker's formula-thingy: How to write a 12 Essay in Just 10 Days. (Note: I did not spend 10 days writing this...)</p>

<p>Prompt: Can the daily actions of average people have a significant impact on history?</p>

<p>My response: The daily actions of average people cannot have profound impacts on history. The history of mankind and science has demonstrated that great leaders and intelligent minds help shape the flow of history.</p>

<p>As shown by the leadership of Mao Zedong, arguably the most renowned leader in pre-modern China, changes in history are brought about by great men. Under Mao's leadership, the Chinese Communist Part evaded many ambushes from its opposing part, the KMT, and ultimately won sovereignty of mainland China. Therefore, without Mao's strong leadership, the farmers and civilians who helped overthrow the KMT would never have the opportunity to fight for a red national flag; one of today's most potent nations wouldn't even exist.</p>

<p>Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Paul Dirac, and many other great scientific minds helped chisel the foundations of many branches of science, including classic mechanics, evolution and antimatter. These achievements were the fruits of years of thinking, experiments, observations and failures. They required greats minds to integrate the data from numerous experiences and form conclusions and formulas. Thus, the daily actions of people could never have contributed to these scientific revelations.</p>

<p>After a careful analysis of Mao Zedong and history's great scientists, significant effects on history indeed depend on the actions of great men. Could average people's daily actions overthrown a despotic government? Could the everyday lives of people change science and mankind's understanding of nature? History suggests that these roles are left for strong leaders and revolutionary minds.</p>

<p>Yeah.. after rereading my essay, I see a lot of flaws like superfluous words and repetitions and some mistakes in grammar, but I'm just starting to accustom myself to the time-limit. Anyways, please grade my essay and how it could be improved. Thanks.</p>

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<p>a bit more detail would have definately made it better. also i read that 5 paragraph essays get best marks… so one more example would have been nice.
but other than that and some of the grammer. good ideas there.
i reckon like 9-10 range maybe?</p>

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<p>I think that there’s not enough detail in your essay. I would suggest that you should develop your point of view further. Probably another example will suffice. Or you can also provide a counter argument (I usually do that). </p>

<p>But your examples are quite good. Keep it up. I would rate it 10/12</p>