please grade my SAT essay! thanks!

Test Preparation
1

<p>Do circumstances determine whether or not we should tell the truth？</p>

<p>Telling the truth is a universal rule when people encounter any circumstance. I deem that telling truth requires people to hold tightly their heartfelt belief about the ways that things actually are and to maintain fidelity to the decisions made by their own hearts. Take a glance of the history, we will see myriad of outstanding figures who followed their hearts and told the truth made extraordinary progress in scientific field, business arena and political world. </p>

<p>Talking of scientific progress, the first person rushing into my mind is Nicolaus Copernicus, who was considered as the ”initiator of the scientific revolution”. In 16 century, after realizing that Ptolemaic geocentric theory which claimed that earth was the center of the universe failed to interpret some phenomenon, Copernicus set up the concept of heliocentric theory. He described the universe in which the distance between planets and sun bore a direct relationship to the size of their orbits revolving around the sun. at that time, Copernicus’s theory was strongly opposed by the church and stirred controversy. However, Copernicus, the truth-teller, bravely insisted on his belief and disregarded the circumstance. Copernicus’s example convinced me that circumstance can not hamper people from telling the truth that deep inside their heart. </p>

<p>Such people are also widely populated in business. Topping the list of the ‘most influential entrepreneur’, Andrew Carnegie established the steel industry in America and gained the reputation as the king of steel. His success largely resulted from his policy of expanding the investment and industry scale during the period of depression when all his competitors reduced the production. Carnegie insightfully believed that doing so would bring about great success and followed the instruction from his heart even though it seemed to be a risk during that harsh time. His success demonstrates that people will hold to their belief no matter what situation they are experiencing. </p>

<p>Take Roosevelt as another example. When Roosevelt inaugurated in 1993, the US was at the nadir of the worst depression in history. A quarter of the workforce was unemployed, farmers were in deep trouble when the price fell by 60 percent and two millions citizens were homeless. However, Roosevelt believed that the cause of the depression was the problem originated from the capitalism and put forward many programs that he thought would be curative, including New Deal. Eventually, his faithful measures and instruction helped America step out of the shadow of depression. </p>

<p>In the light of the foregoing examples, it is clear that people should tell the truth by persisting the fidelity to their heart and disregard the circumstances.</p>

2

<ol>
<li>Your examples of Carnegie and FDR do not answer the question, and your example of FDR is historically inaccurate. 1993? Grammar and punctuational mistakes here and there that can be easily fixed.</li>
</ol>

<p>Your attempt at higher vocabulary gets in the way of your sentence structure. Keep things in simple when in doubt.</p>

<p>Remember always to answer the question posed!</p>

3

<p>thanks for your comment, it was really helpful. i changed the examples. can the new ones answer the question? </p>

<p>Do circumstances determine whether or not we should tell the truth？</p>

<p>Telling the truth is a rule under any circumstance. I deem that telling truth requires people to hold tightly their heartfelt belief. Take a glance of the history, we will see myriad of outstanding figures who followed their hearts and told the truth made extraordinary progress in the arenas of science, art and politics.</p>

<p>Talking of scientific progress, the first person rushing into my mind is Nicolaus Copernicus, who was considered as the “initiator of the scientific revolution”. In 16 century, after realizing that Ptolemaic geocentric theory failed to interpret some phenomenon, Copernicus set up the concept of heliocentric theory. He described the universe in which the sun was the center of universe and the distance between planets and sun bore a direct relationship to the size of their orbits. At that time, Copernicus’s theory was strongly opposed by the church and stirred controversy. However, Copernicus sticked to the facts indomitably at the risk of being put to death. Copernicus’s example convinces me that circumstance can not hamper people from telling the truth that deep inside their heart. </p>

<p>Such people are also widely populated in art arena. Beethoven, one of the most famous and prolific composers in art history told the truth by giving voice through his music with the subjectivity and individualism. Beethoven disdained injustice and tyranny and used his art to sing the praises of the Enlightenment, an 18th-century movement that promoted the ideals of freedom and equality. What’s more, He indignantly revoked the dedication of the Eroica Symphony to Napoleon Bonaparte. The event obviously reveals Beethoven’s refusal to compromise his principles and the fidelity to the strong belief of liberty in the wake of the French revolution. Beethoven exemplifies notion that people should stick to the truth, disregarding the circumstance.</p>

<p>In addition, the revolution of the modern university epitomizes this idea. Before the 1850’s, the United States had a number of small colleges. They were small, church connected institutions whose primary concern was to shape the moral character of their students. However, a spate of students dissatisfied with this mode of education and went to Germany in search for the advanced education. They audaciously claimed that universities should primarily strive to create and spread knowledge relating to the real requirement of the society, not to sermon morals. In doing so, they challenged the convention severely, but established the foundation of the modern university system in U.S. in today’s driven society, universities undoubtedly play essential roles as catalysts that promote the development of society.</p>

<p>In the light of the foregoing examples, it is clear that people should speak out their heartfelt belief and adhere to the truth even when they confront harsh circumstance</p>

4

<p>It doesn’t matter if the example is historically inaccurate. In fact, the SAT doesn’t have a problem with fabricated information.</p>