Please grade my SAT essay

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
People generally put more trust in what they have learned for themselves than in what they learn from others. Few people, however, are really motivated to learn anything on their own. They are much more apt to learn when others are willing to teach them. Even though learning from others means occasionally learning things that are not useful or important, people are still better off when they learn from others</p>

<p>Assignment:</p>

<p>Is it better for people to learn from others than to learn on their own? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<pre><code> Learning occurs through both observation and experience. However, because the learning a person does on their own is much more relevant to his or her life the knowledge gained is put to more use than it would be if learned though simple observation. Thus, it is more beneficial to learn on one's own than to learn from someone else if the knowledge is to be applicable in daily life.

Prevalent in literature from all genres is the archetype of an old sage in the life of the protagonist.Many times this teacher guides his or her pupil, or in this case the protagonist of the story, in how to ameliorate problems that he or she will face. However, when an important decision is being made, the protagonist makes it not from the encouragement of his or her mentor but from experience. To demonstrate this, one can analyze the characters in Kate Chopin's The Awakening. Forced to face the fact that she is unhappy living as an object of her husband's, Edna Pontellier turns to Madameoisille Reisz in hopes of being inspired. Although Edna learns from Madomemoisille Reisz that drawing can aid in dealing with her discontent and that it is okay to move out, it is Edna who finally makes the decision to commit suicide after experiencing that no man she has affection for will treat her like a person and not as an object. Although, Madamemoisille Reisz teaches Edna how to deal with her issues as she has experienced them, Edna is unable to apply them to her own life. This demonstrates that Edna's experiences were what she learned from and thus what she found useful in making her decision.

History tells us that what one experiences is what is utilized in making decisions. In contrast, as time passes, the lessons learned from observation are much less significant as decisions are made. After the attacks on American ships by German U-submarines, President Wilson convinced America that entering World War One was the only way to ensure the survival of democracy. Americans agreed and supported his decision. After more lives were lost than any other American war, however, Americans were much less reluctant to participate in foreign affairs. When World War II began, those in support of war were much less commom. In contrast, when 9/11 occured, almost years later the effect of lost lives in the world wars was gone and war was supported by the majority of the populus. This demonstrates that for something learned to be of value, it must be experienced.

Learning is indeed more valueable when experienced rather than observed.
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<p>RAN OUT OF TIME :(</p>

<p>So what would my score be? Anything I can do to improve between now and Saturday :D</p>

<p>bump 10 char</p>

<p>really? 300 some views but 0 responses?
<em>dies a little inside</em></p>

<p>I don’t know that you’ll need a response, anymore, but I’m willing to share my opinion.
I thought your first paragraph was very strong and well-reasoned (though I have a distinct inclination toward the literary), but your second was a bit weak.
But in terms of grades? I would guess you’d receive an 11 or a 12. A 10 if you are (very) unlucky.
One personal criticism – and I sincerely doubt College Board will find this an issue – is that your use of ‘ameliorate’, which, while apt and technically acceptable, is strange and jarring considering your relatively colloquial use of language and vocabulary in the rest of the essay. I’m making, of course, a minor, insignificant complaint. Simply a small comment from one writer to another.
I hope this was helpful.</p>

<p>Note: I have no experience whatsoever in anything that could be even remotely referred to as the grading of tests.</p>