Please Grade THIS IS SPARTA My SAT essay

<p>THE PROMPT: Does planning interfere with creativity? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies,experience, or observations.</p>

<p>THE ESSAY: </p>

<pre><code> “Practice makes perfect.” As this pithy proverb makes clear, careful planning, preparation, and practice are crucial to one’s success.

As a member of my school’s Homecoming Committee, I can attest to the benefits of planning and the consequences of a lack of planning. During my sophomore year, the committee –composed mostly of nervous underclassmen like myself – naively assumed that Homecoming would be a success – regardless of the work we put in to planning it. We waited until a week before the event to select food, decorations, and music. The result: a laughable display of clashing colors, bad food, and an incompetent DJ that only added to the cacophony.

With our past failure fresh on our minds, the following year’s committee – this time made up of carefully selected representatives from all four grades – was prepared. Planning began the first week of school, orders were made promptly, and we had time to come up with a creative theme. The dance was heralded as a success, and the next morning, the principal praised our committee’s job organizing the “best Homecoming ever.”
</code></pre>

<p>I would really appreciate your thoughts as to why I recieved a 6 out of 12. I thought I may have been marked down because:
1)My essay was about why planning is good, not how it impacts creativity
2)It's a bit on the short side?</p>

<p>Any advice is much appreciated - I am retaking the SAT in June and I really want to get a 12 on the essay this time!</p>

<ol>
<li>Personal examples are a no no.</li>
<li>Too short</li>
<li>Lack of examples</li>
</ol>

<p>The only good thing I can see in your essay is that you used some SAT words. If you just buff up your essay with more words, bring more examples, and lengthen the whole thing–you should get a 10+.</p>

<p>How are personal examples a no no? So long as it’s relevant to the topic at hand (even if it’s completely fake), it’s considered a valid example. While I do not know who claimed it, my AP English 11 teacher told our class that personal examples, along with others, are considered valid examples and essay graders cannot mark points off for that.</p>

<p>Yeah trakwrecka, I would agree that literary and/or historical examples are probably preferable, but many essays focusing on just one pertinent personal example have recieved perfect scores(like the first one listed here: [SAT</a> The Essay](<a href=“College Board - SAT, AP, College Search and Admission Tools”>College Board - SAT, AP, College Search and Admission Tools)). </p>

<p>So do you guys think it was length, or the fact that I didn’t really discuss how planning impacts creativity, or a combo?</p>

<p>Yes, there isn’t anything wrong with using personal examples, but essay graders like to know that you’ve picked up something in school.</p>

<p>I would have to say length. I’ll throw in my two cents.</p>

<p>For the introductory paragraph, you should clearly state which side of the argument you support. Whenever plausible, always try to squeeze in a part of the quotation they give you, but make sure it’s relevant and actually supports what you’re writing. Try to connect the topic, whenever possible, with the world (i.e: In today’s world…) End with a killer thesis.</p>

<p>Personally, I think your example was great. But you’re missing two things; Details and how it’s related to the topic. You could have went into greater detail about the party. But more important then that is how it’s even related to the topic at hand. </p>

<p>NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER - assume that the audience (in this case the essay grader) will find the connection between your example and the topic. Just because it’s clear and lucid for you doesn’t mean it’s the same for other people. ALWAYS write how your example is related and supports your side of the argument, no matter how ridiculous it seems.</p>

<p>For your conclusion, restate your thesis with different wording. Restate your side of the argument and tell how your example is relevant. End with a killer ending.</p>

<p>Personally, I think vocab doesn’t matter too much. If you know some, great. If you don’t, then don’t sweat it. It’s much better to be redundant in your wording then to use vocab your not sure on how to use.</p>

<p>You can choose to agree or disagree with what I wrote. I’m only a High School Junior but I have gotten multiple double digit scores on the essay using the format I described above (and using personal pronouns ._.)</p>

<p>i have to agree that graders tend to be more impressed with non personal experiences… i KNOW they’re not supposed to “give more points” for lit, etc… but they’re human, it’ll give you some extra pts. </p>

<p>also, i don’t think vocab matters THAT much</p>

<p>RANDOM
I just wanted to point out I wrote this is sparta on mine…and i think it had something to do with my low score…</p>

<p>Well I wrote This is sparta and crossed it out (as a facebook joke) on my AP US History DBQ. Technically they can’t mark points off if you crossed it out.</p>

<p>Thank you Mikozee for your detailed analysis and thanks to everyone else who gave me their advice!</p>

<p>trakwreka: Why so serious?</p>

<p>But actually, I will definately try to aviod using personal examples in the future. Thanks to everyone for their input!!</p>

<p>There is no structure to your essay. You used some nice words and had a good example, but you should also give at least two more. And maybe an intro and conclusion.</p>

<p>Oh, and you can totally use personal examples. I wrote about cheating in Italian and how college officials will not know the ethics behind a legit-90 average and a cheated 97 average. One grader thought I deserved a 5.</p>