<p>A. It is three weeks before the start of your freshman year at BU, and you are talking to your new roommate for the first time. Since you are trying to get to know each other, what are a few things you would want to share about who you are? </p>
<p>Hello roommate! First I want to tell you that I am from a family of six: two sisters, one brother, and two parents. Sports are what my family is known for, mainly basketball; however my interests go far beyond that. After I tore my ACL twice while playing basketball, I had time off from practicing and I was able to take that time and find what I like to do outside of basketball. I learned how much I love to travel, especially abroad, and was able to do so in the past two years. In 2010 I went on a trip with a group called People to People to Fiji, Australia, and New Zealand. The next summer I went on a mission trip to El Salvador. I loved both trips and plan to continue travelling during college, especially with one of the many study abroad programs at Boston University. I also realized how much I love music. I took voice and piano lessons, and I am in my school choir. I am trying to learn how to play the guitar, as well. In addition to music and travelling, I joined different clubs, such as Best Buddies, Community Service Corps., National Honors Society, and volleyball, a sport I have never played before until try-outs my senior year. I plan to participate in many different clubs and activities that are within the Boston University community, so I probably wont be in our dorm room often. Dont be surprised with the clubs I end up participating in or the teams I join because my interests tend to be very random. So far I want to join the Winter Outreach program, and the basketball, volleyball and quidditch intramural teams. I also want to concentrate on my school work, so I will be spending a lot of time in the library or if it is a nice day I will be by the beach studying. If I ever have time to spare, you will probably find me relaxing in our room, reading a book or watching a movie, and you are always welcome to join me. I hope my variety of interests dont annoy you as much as they do my sister and I hope this year is as amazing as imagine it to be!</p>
<p>suggestion: i don’t know if I’d use the word “random” to describe your interests . . . it connotes carelessness. “diverse” “wide-ranging” “disparate” . . .??
some words are repeated a lot, such as “basketball” . . .Instead of “find what I like to do outside of basketball” perhaps “find what else i like to do.” ? perhaps similar trimming could be done other places.
It’s hard to understand why your varied interests annoy your sister . . . would it be interesting to explain? Your essay lets a reader know you’re a very active and upbeat person, which is good, but doesn’t reveal much about you beyond that.
best of luck.</p>
<p>Well, I know it’s a college essay and you need to cram in as much as possible to describe your interests and ECs, etc, but is this really the type of thing you would say to a person? Wouldn’t you also talk about what music you like, whether you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, what type of food you love?</p>
<p>What about the intangibles, like are you serious or upbeat, are you a jokester, etc?</p>
<p>When you are meeting someone for the first time, what do you want to know about them?</p>
<p>I would make it less like a laundry list of all your activities, and more about the things you would really discuss with someone. But then, it may be that the school really just wants to see your laundry list of activities.</p>
<p>This is awkward…maybe make it: “My family is known for [our love of sports]/[playing sports]” – Something like that.</p>
<p>Also, I completely agree with the previous poster that this is to much of a “laundry list” … the main question you’re answering is: “what are a FEW things you would want to share about who you are?”</p>
<p>I think you really need to focus on the few things that really make you the person you are - the traits, experiences, interests most core to you.</p>
<p>I totally agree with #6 (@crizello).
If I am your roommate reading this, I would be way too intimidated by you.
This doesn’t sound like a roommate essay at all. Think of what you would want to hear from your roommate.</p>