<p>Can anyone read my essay??? I would really appreciate it</p>
<p>sure, pm me</p>
<p>I could take a look at it as well. What school are you applying to?</p>
<p>i'm applying to smu</p>
<p>pm me. i live in dallas so i know quite a few people who go to SMU. :)</p>
<p>PM me. I'll read it.</p>
<p>you don't have space in your inbox, so I'll paste my response here if you don't mind:</p>
<p>1st things 1st: grammer -
"as I continued to bustle"
"best basketball player I could be"</p>
<p>Other structural elements you want to watch are your long sentences. Watch the extreme diction; sometimes the wording seems a little inappropriate.</p>
<p>I like the detail in the beginning and how it all leads up to the air ball, but after all that detail, you really need to delve into the important aspects. I didn't see any place in the essay where you even hinted at your aspirations to pursue a career in the medical field. </p>
<p>For me, I wouldn't write about how I had to quit a sport for academics. I personally struggled to keep wrestling, clubs, and 5 AP's together during junior year. Somehow, you quiting the team doesn't convince me. This is where you really need to say, "I have my priorities" - one thing I like to add to my essays is the idea of balance. </p>
<p>Conserve your space, man. The basketball anecdote is a good idea, but you dwell way too much on it especially because there are word limits. Like me, you probably wrote a crapload at the beginning not realizing that you didn't have a whole lot of space left. </p>
<p>Final advice: look for extreme diction, cut down on how much you say about basketball, try and avoid the shamefulness of quiting the team (touch more on how it was necessary for academics), and ADD MORE about WHY YOU ARE CHOOSING THE medical field</p>
<p>Now, I got to get back to my homework. Tired as ****. I hope I helped.</p>
<ul>
<li>K. Lu</li>
</ul>