help with short essay no.3

<p>hey, can anyone give me a feedback about my roommate essay. Thanks...</p>

<p>It was my senior prom night, the night that was supposed to be the best night. .The event was really successful in bringing out our high school memories, except my class hardly has one. Most of the classes were having a really good time, reminiscing, laughing in both joy and sorrow knowing that they would never see each other again in a very long time, except mine. My classmates have one BIG problem; they're too individual, showing no interest in socializing with people from other classes. Maybe it's because my class is the smartest, and they're like arrogant and mature. Even though there's a solid friendship between us, the friendship we have is TOO mature, unlike those high school friendships where we supposed to have lots of friend, hang out together, and do silly things that we can never do again after high school, because high school should be an unforgettable moment. When the other people were crying, taking photos together, hugging each other, my classmates were just standing still doing nothing but exchanging apathetic looks, because we don't know how it feels to part with the best friends, the best class we ever had. When I was going home with my best friend, he and I share the same opinion; "High school holds the best memory in our lives" just doesn't apply to my class. He and I envy the other classes, thinking how it would be if we went to a different class, but in a way we do respect our peers because they are always there when we need them.</p>

<p>did u even check for grammar?</p>

<p>This essay is reflective, and gives a better impression of who you are, which is good, but I'd suggest not knocking your high school, even if it's gentle. Being positive is essential to a college essay; I'd avoid negativity at all costs. Also, I might be misinterpreting this, but I think there's a trace of bitterness in that essay that would kind of hurt your application.</p>

<p>Also, you need to make it clear what your point is--I'm not exactly sure where this essay is going.</p>

<p>Don't be discouraged, though. I'm just offering suggestions for improvement.</p>

<p>right, thanks for the feedback man, really appreciate it,,</p>

<p>you generalize too much. and don't use "like"</p>

<p>Doing all caps for emphasis may not be good. And yeah, the "like" thing totally confused me since I never thought I would see that in a college essay.</p>