please help me grade my essay

<p>i need A LOT of help with my essays... could someone please help me grade this and give me some advice??</p>

<p>Technology promises to make our lives easier, freeing up time for leisure pursuits. But the rapid pace of technological innovation and the split second processing capabilities of computers that can work virtually nonstop have made all of us feel rushed. We have adopted the relentless pace of the very machines that we supposed to simplify our lives, with the result that , whether at work or play, people do not feel like their lives have changed for the better. </p>

<p>Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your readings, studies, experience, and observations.</p>

<p>Some people believe that the purpose for inventions is to improve the lives of mankind. In order to make our lives better, technology is being developed at an alarming rate. These innovations, initially intentioned for a more comfortable and leisurely life, have in fact made our lives more complicated. Although they might have made our lives easier by allowing computers to do the work for us, we feel as if we have to keep up with them. Changes that make our lives easier do not necessarily make our lives better.</p>

<p>“Better” and “easier” are two completely different ideas. Take the smartphone for example. You see them everywhere: on the bus, in a restaurant, at a basketball game. Organizing your work, planning your schedule, smartphones have undoubtedly made our lives easier. With just a simple touch of your finger, you can connect to the world. However, smartphones have taken away time we could be using to go outdoors, studying, or spending with our family. Furthermore, the misuse of smartphones could lead to car accidents or eye diseases. While more people are getting used to texting or chatting, the amount face-to-face communication skills become very limited. Smartphones may have changed our lives, but they have definitely not made our lives better.</p>

<p>Nuclear energy, producing a lot of energy with very little pollution, seems like the solution to our energy crisis. As more nuclear power plants are being created, less fossil fuels are being used. However, the risks of using nuclear energy are much greater than the benefits. If the radioactive materials were to leak out, they would not only affect the people of the surrounding area, but the land itself would also be uninhabitable for the next few decades. While nuclear energy may seem like an improvement to our lives, the dangers it poses are far greater.</p>

<p>Smartphones and nuclear power plants are but just two of the inventions that have gone wayward. Although they have made our lives easier, but that is not the equivalence of better. Even though all the changes and innovations in technology were originally planned to improve our lives, there are many examples that have done the opposite. These changes in our daily lives may have brought some convenience, but the damages that they have cost us have definitely not made our lives better.</p>

<p>This is about 500 words, but you could have written everything here in less than 400 (maybe closer to 300).</p>

<p>I see lots of unnecessary words, phrases, clauses, and sentences.</p>

<p>When read closely, your conclusion is almost identical in content to your introduction. Who told you to do this? </p>

<p>A score?</p>

<p>ESSAY STRUCTURE: 3
VOCABULARY: 3
SYNTAX: 5
USAGE: 5</p>

<p>@jkjeremy
Thanks for helping me with this:) Well… No one really… But I just kinda thought I should restate my thesis…
So how do you think I can improve??</p>

<p>Thanks for helping me with this You’re welcome.</p>

<p>But I just kinda thought I should restate my thesis. There’s usually no need to do so (and I only say “usually” because if a misguided teacher tells you to do this, then you MUST do it in order to preserve your grade).</p>

<p>So how do you think I can improve? That’s a pretty general question. I’ll start by saying this: The job is to analyze facts rather than just to present facts.</p>