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1

<p>Prompt: Do changes that make our lives not necessarily make them better?</p>

<p>Nowadays, technology has made almost every aspect of our lives easier. By removing the need for hard labor, machines have certainly made our lives more enjoyable. Tasks that would have taken hours by hand can be completed in seconds by machines. All of this extra time can be spent by someone doing something he or she enjoys.</p>

<p>When I spent a week living in an Amish community, I immediately realized that I would much rather be back in New York City. I had to do things that took me hours when I knew that the same things could be done using technology in a matter of minutes. For example, the absence of a microwave forced me to heat my food by making a fire. This took up time that I could have spent doing something that I actually like. The absence of technology made my life harder and, concurrently, worse.</p>

<p>Furthermore, new inventions have even made certain things that used to be impossible, possible. One such thing is the telephone. This has allowed us to speak with anyone no matter the distance between us. People can now talk to each other with just the press of a button. These types of inventions allow for a vast spectrum of possibilities to improve our quality of life. For example, by using the telephone a person can now talk to their friends or family even if they are thousands of miles apart. Undoubtedly, this would make that person's life better, thanks to technology.</p>

<p>I had trouble thinking of examples and ran out of time so I had to leave out a conclusion.</p>

2

<p>I would give you a 2/6</p>

<p>1) this is too short, which is understandable as you did run out of time
2) no conclusion
3) you did not clearly state your thesis at the end of the intro paragraph, which is a must.
4) ambiguous thesis – you have to choose a side.
5) your examples, while very true, do not sound profound enough and seem to be related to technology rather than as the prompt stated “changes” in general.
6) you used “for example” a bit too many times.</p>

<p>Suggestions:

  • Perhaps try to use a literary example or a historical figure? (Talk globally about the Cultural Revolution in China perhaps. The change brought forth widespread fear and famine. Or maybe use a book like Fahrenheit 451, where books are no longer allowed)
  • Try to have a couple of examples in mind beforehand. It really helps if you know the examples well enough to fit any topic.</p>