Please help me improve my SAT essay from 9 --> 10+

<p>I have already taken the SAT twice: the January 2013 Makeup test and the recent December 2013 test. I received a score of 9 on my essay in January, and to my disappointment I received a 9 again. I have read "How to Write a 12 Essay in Just 10 Days" and used the template in both attempts. What I really need now is specific advice to achieve a ten. I am taking the January 2014 SAT so any detailed advice will very beneficial for me. Thanks you here are the two essays below.</p>

<p>January 2013: Has modern technology caused people to be become too busy to enjoy their lives?
People are constantly sending text messages, talking on their cell phones or spending a plethora of time on social networks on the Internet. However, it is thanks to modern technology that people are able to have longer, healthier and more productive lives. This fact can be demonstrated through an analysis from historical as well as current inventions.
The modern medical treatments and drugs have allowed individuals to lengthen their live spans. In the 1900s, cancer patients were expected to have only a few months to live after diagnosis, nowadays, radioactive treatments and chemotherapy allow patients to live ten to twenty years longer. Patients are also allowed to enjoy their lives more, for example, organizations such as the Make-a-Wish foundation and the Linda B. Caldwell foundation utilizes today’s technology to grant patients their last wishes. Children who may never get an opportunity to grow up and become scientists can spend their last few months in state of the art facilities. Thus, technology not only lengthens people’s lifes but also allows them to make the most of their lifes.
Another example of how technology has allowed people to become less busy and enjoy leisure time can be seen from a historical point. The Industrial age allowed technology such as the spinning Jenny and the steam engine to be in popular use. The result of these inventions being used in manufacturing allowed workers to spend less time producing a certain product and caused the quantity of products manufactured to increase exponentially. In America, works wages increased but workers also gained much more free time. People were able to use their time on reading the newspaper, paying more attention to worldly events and watching and playing team sports like baseball. Therefore, even older technology have proven to allow people o enjoy their lives.
After a careful analysis of modern and less recent technology, indeed, these inventions have allowed people to live longer, healthier, and happier and more productive lives. People are able to choose from spending their time socializing or making more remarkable discoveries—a luxury unheard of in the past few decades. Thus technology does not come too high of a price. </p>

<p>December 2013: Is it more important to remain consistent than to change one's mind when circumstances change?
It is important to be flexible and change one’s mind when circumstances change. Although, some may argue that firmly supporting a position or point of view shows that one is stable and constant, unwillingness to change an opinion can be detrimental to one’s progress. Compelling examples from literature, history and contemporary figures support the axiom that people must adapt their minds to changing circumstances.
In Jane Austen’s classic novel, Pride and Prejudice, one of the protagonists, William Darcy, must change his beliefs as well as his proud personality in order to win the affections of Elizabeth and secure his happiness. In the beginning of the story, Darcy is a proud, arrogant man who has a list of the qualities of a perfect wife his is looking for. He also needed to marry a woman who is wealthy and well connected. However, after he met Elizabeth Bennett and fell in love with her, he had to change many of his previous beliefs. After she rejected him, he had to change much of his personality. In the end of the novel, Darcy became a kind, caring man who did not care much about social standards: someone worthy of the affections of Ms. Bennett. Therefore, the actions of William Darcy demonstrate that one needs to have an open mind in order to achieve happiness.
The same lesson can be learned by looking at the lifes and actions of historical and contemporary figures. Charles Darwin, the founder of the Theory of Evolution and Natural selection had to adjust his thinking once he discovered the overwhelming evidence that populations do indeed change to their natural surroundings over time,. Darwin was a deeply religious man and at first he did not want to believe the evidence he found because evolution challenged the teachings of the church. However, throughout his life, he gathered copious amounts of proof and reviewed the works of other scientists that he was forced to take a new position on the issue. The publication of his book revolutionized science, therefore willingness to change lead to a positive outcome.
Lastly, Ben Carson, now a successful neurosurgeon at John Hopkins, was once a poor boy living in the slums of Brooklyn. He believed he was stupid and never was going to achieve anything important. Fortunately, his mother insisted that he was gifted and could do anything he set his mind to doing. Thus, he worked hard in school, got top grades and eventually became the man he is today.
In conclusion, it is at most important to keep an open mind and be willing to adjust to changing circumstances. Flexibility will in the end lead to a better, happier life.</p>