Hi guys
I have a little bit of a problem here. I am due to start my undergraduate studies in January and the major/path I’m choosing might require graduate school which I’m totally fine with.
However, I am trying to convince my parents to allow me to pursue my dream as they are concerned that graduate school would mean a delay for me in accomplishing future milestones (getting married and having children).
I’m Asian girl so in our culture, especially the elder generations they believed that if a girl is not married or having children by age of 30, they would be considered useless, which sounds sexist for me 8-| but for my parents and other relatives, this stemmed their concerns. I do believe the value of a person (guy or girl) does not depend on their partner but on themselves. Despite this, I need to be able to change their way of thinking/reason with them so I can go chase my dreams because they believe if I choose to attend graduate school later on it will minimize my chances of getting married by the “right age” or having boyfriends.
Is there any suggestions on how to reason with them if I’m stuck in this sticky situation?
I’ve lived in some Asian countries so I’ll try to give some suggestions. But I also have questions for you.
How does your parents expect you to meet your future husband? Are they going to arrange something for you? Are they expecting you to marry someone from the same cultural background? Would you be able to marry another Asian person but not from the same ethic/cultural background?
A long time ago one country I lived in, a “high value” was placed on girls with lots of education. The reasoning was if the girl was smart she would 1) be able to manage the family’s finances & 2) produce smart sons. I think there was also the financial prestige of a family being able to afford to send a daughter to college.
Do you have girl cousins? Were they able to continue schooling?
Is there an expected amount of time for dating before getting married?
If you finish your bachelors degree around age 22, then go straight to grad school, you would be 24-25 years old. So you would still have time before 30.
What about the possibility of meeting your future husband in grad school. Maybe he is a student there. Perhaps working on a masters or doctorate. He was too busy (or clueless) as an undergrad and now he realizes girls exist. & along comes YOU! A highly educated young women. Maybe you are what his family wants for a daughter-in-law.
I don’t know if you can change your parent’s thinking. Finding out more cultural expectations might help you understand what parameters you have to “work” with.
Best of luck to you as you start your undergraduate studies.
I don’t know if you need to convince your parents of your entire life plan right now. When you’re an adult, you can make whatever decisions you want and they will just have to deal with it. So IMO, you should stop trying to convince them to allow you to go to graduate school and change their entire outlook on gender roles (at least…for now?). Really, it seems like you just need to convince them to allow you to major in what you want so that you can go to graduate school in the field. There are a variety of ways to cajole them which involve playing into their sexist beliefs:
-If you’re talking about a professional master’s program, that only takes 2 years. Even if you went straight after undergrad, that would still leave you 6-7 years to meet someone and get married. That’s plenty of time.
-People get married in graduate school ALL THE TIME. In fact, you might even meet your future husband in graduate school. Going to graduate school will put you in spitting range with all the medical students, dental students, MBA students, law students, PhD students, etc., your parents might get excited about you marrying.
-Having a graduate degree might make you more marriageable/appealing to highly-educated potential partners.
I feel grimy just having written those things.
There’s also the avoidance route, which is pointing out all of the potential careers you can do with a bachelor’s degree with your major. Every major has several jobs that you can do with a BA, so just demonstrate to your parents that there are options for you that don’t involve going to graduate school and pretend that you are seriously considering those options.
@MerryLee and @juillet : Thank you for your advices, I really appreciate it . I have finally sorted the issue with my parents and I took both of your advices to heart.
. I have finally sorted the issue with my parents and I took both of your advices to heart.