Please help me. Unethical conduct and I don't know what to do

You say that you have As,B’s and C’s in all classes but hers. Do you need to retake her class in order to graduate? I agree that you should consider counseling . It is the end of June so this has been concerning you for almost a month. You need to work on some coping strategies in order for you to move forward and be successful next semester.

There seems to be an awful lot going on in your story. Not sure what the disabilities issues have to do with the harassment. At my school, if a student wants accommodations on an exam (extra time, etc.) they go to the Disabilities Support office. They don’t plead with me, as I have nothing to do with these matters other than following directions from the DSS. If your story to the police and/or administration is as confusing and ambiguous as it is here, I can understand why they might be reluctant to take more action than they already have.

What is it that YOU expect or want them to do?

I too am confused by the OP’s story and suspect there is a basic misunderstanding here.

OP seems to say the instructor “lied” to the police because the instructor said she was only aware of one incident. OP tried to prove this “lie” by providing emails she sent to the instructor about other incidents. I think it’s at least possible the instructor was saying how many incidents she had personal knowledge of and the instructor said there was only one incident she personally witnessed and judged inappropriate.If that’s the case, then the instructor didn’t “lie” to the police.

For example, OP says the other person threatened to destroy her homework in a study room. This would not be something the instructor was aware of (unless she was in the study room at the time.)

Sylvan, at many schools the Disabilities Office gives students a letter for each professor, and the student then needs to negotiate accommodations with the professors, who have some discretion for some matters. Getting an MD, counselor or dean involved can help with this. The Disabilities Office may provide physical accommodations such as a handicapped accessible room, but accommodations in the classroom aren’t often provided by the O of D but are provided by the professor.

Schools are afraid of not being compliant with the Americans with Disabilities Act and some professors aren’t well versed in these matters, so a student would be wise to get someone else involved- a dean or other administrator or, as I said a professional in medical or psychiatric care.

Case law is slowly being established for accommodations but in some schools it is still tough to get the proper support. And the standard for accommodations is much lower than in public high school.

My older daughter was stalked by a student from her school for few years. They never dated or were even friends, but in his mind they had some sort of relationship. There wasn’t much the school or police could do about it. The police told us we could put a restraining order on him so he couldn’t be anywhere near where she was. The only problem was she would had to list every where she would be, and that would have given the stalker more information than he had about my daughter. I ended up taking the matter into my own hand by contacting the stalker’s parent. I had a parent to parent discussion with the stalker’s father. We were lucky that the father was reasonable and knew his son was mentally ill. I made the father understand if he didn’t do something about it we may end up at a place where we did not want to be.
I know there is another CC’er whose daughter was stalked by an ex-boyfriend. She had to transfer to another school to finish her degree. Unfortunately the law doesn’t not protect stalkees.

Go see the school’s Titke IX officer asap and document, document, document. This is bad all around. They have to make it right for you. These folks are mandatory reporters and must act. There’s no more sweeping these types of things under the carpet and making nice. All accusations of harassment must be investigated.

Your story is very confusing. It appears that a male student was close to you side by side. Was he physically touching you as that is not clear? You said that after you reported it other students made jokes. Did he make jokes or comments or just the other students? He cannot be held accountable for other students. Emails that you write are not proof. Only harassing emails written to you would be proof. Are there any issues with this student out of class since you are afraid he will hurt you? Obviously you are upset but I can see why the school is having difficulty sorting this out. Do you have other students in the class who support your allegations?

My read is that, unfortunately, two things that are not mutually inconsistent are going on here:

  1. The OP is being harassed. That's not OK. Her college is not dealing with it well, in part perhaps because she has tried to resolve it through a teacher/department chair rather than through the Title IX office. (But there's a strong possibility the Associate Dean the OP spoke with is the Title IX office.) It's not clear to me whether the college doesn't believe the harassment is occurring, doesn't believe it warrants serious action (such as, at the very least, forbidding the harasser to take the same classes at the same time), or doesn't believe it has the power to take such serious action.
  2. The OP is not dealing with the situation well at all. It reduces her to near-incoherence and paranoia when she writes about it. It seems like everyone she deals with at the college winds up concluding that a big part of the problem is in her own head. And maybe that's not because they're evil or incompetent, but because that's an honest conclusion justified by their interaction with her. The OP would like the police or the college to make her problems go away, but that's not happening. Apart from whether they should be making her problems go away, she has to exist in a world where what should happen doesn't always happen.

There are two possible types of outcome here: Either this problem will undo the OP and her current educational program, and she will become yet another vulnerable woman who has been victimized by sexual harassment and a system that is not especially good at protecting women from that. Or she will figure out how to deal with the situation and not let it derail her. It’s not totally up to her – she could try as hard as she can to deal and fail at that, but if she doesn’t try as hard as she can to deal I fear her only choice will be to fail. So I would advise her to go to counseling and to try to figure out how to deal with it, even if that isn’t the result that Justice would demand. (One possibility would be to delay getting her degree for a semester or a year, so as to avoid having to take a class with her harasser. Not fair at all, but a lot more effective and less trouble than taking the class, feeling awful and scared all the time, being in constant conflict with the teacher, and failing the class.)

Separately, whatever the outcome, the OP has to decide whether to pursue legal remedies against the college and the harasser. She should find and consult with a lawyer experienced in this field. And they both should take into account (and will take into account) the obvious fact that she is not good at telling her story, and many people who hear it conclude that her problem is at least as much in her own head as with her harasser’s behavior. Again, not fair, but practical.

I am sure many of us have been through sexual harassment and hostile environment training at work, some of us have also been through trainings as managers. I am a bit surprised such training doesn’t exist for students and faculties in college and there is no clear rules on when someone (students or faculties) could be dismissed from school.
When it comes to harassment/stalking it is hard to tell if the victim is being too sensitive or over reacting. How many times does someone need to call you or show up where you are to constitute stalking? How many times does someone need to touch you or ask you out to constitute harassment?

I worked on a school. Every single faculty and staff member in the school district had mandatory training regarding harassment, hostile environment, bullying, and mandatory reporting…ANNUALLY. I can’t believe this doesn’t happen in higher education.

We also had a district harassment policy that we were required to read and sign off on annually. Sure, there were probably folks who signed but didn’t read…but that would be stupid to do.

One of my kids is an adjunct and he has to do this training annually as well at his college.

Harassment etc was built into the student curriculum in health classes every year at our schools. So students got info as well.

Agree…colleges need this level of addressing these issues as well.

But I will say…I’m not clear on what the OP has or hasn’t done. It’s a shame someone has to speak up more than once to be heard, but sometimes this happens.

The OP posted this. I would start here. Who issued the restraining order? What did it say and how did the person who is harassing you violate the order or was the order issued after the incidents? I agree she should take the restraining order, all the documentation and names of people who witnessed the harassment. She should also take any correspondence with her between her and the prof to the Title IX office. AND most of all she should find some counseling help for the anxiety even though she says she has a current psch eval and is on meds (but I’m assuming this is for the learning disability). On surface it does not sound like a police matter to me but she could certainly use a copy of the report as support for her conversation with the Title IX office. At minimum the restraining order could stay in place and she might get some support for how to finish the senior seminar class. Part of me cannot believe the college can’t keep these two from being within “touching distance.” She also isn’t clear about what the harassment entails e.g. emails, texts, following her on campus…and in my opinion this is where she needs to be very clear. What was said or done and who, if any witnessed it, or if it was electronic, screen shots of the comments. I think she needs to get those examples assembled in a coherent manner.

Unfortunately, I remain confused about what actually happened . Attempts at clarifying contain more inconsistencies which make it difficult to advise in the next course of action. For example, in the first post it states that the police determined that the case was unfounded after investigating it, yet in a later post a " no contact order " is mentioned. It’s extremely difficult to wade through all of this.

How long ago did you file the complaint? There should be a timeline in your student handbook that tells you how soon you can expect a response after you file a complaint. Have you reached that time limit yet?

The professor can only tell the police what she witnessed. She can’t confirm what she didn’t see. Your emails to her only prove that you emailed her. If she doesn’t have direct knowledge of more than one incident (meaning she only saw one she interpreted as possible harassment), then it’s not a lie to tell the police that she only has direct knowledge of one event.

The police don’t have the authority to enforce that unless there’s a legal restraining order, and if they found insufficient evidence to pursue charges I don’t see why they would make such a promise. How is the professor trying to “force” you to take a class with this student next semester? Does your school have only one section of each course? If so, that’s a challenge. They can’t prohibit him from taking a course he needs to graduate when he hasn’t been found guilty of anything.

I’m not clear what you want other school officials to do for you. You’ve made a complaint, and now you need to let the process play out. If the student services office is overdue with their response, then your handbook should have instructions that tell you what to do next. If they’re not, then it sounds like you have to wait. What is it you’re trying to find out by calling and emailing the Dean of Student Affairs?

Is the harasser mentally stable or is he just a bully? If he understands consequences of his actions then it would be easier for the authority to deal with him.

I would keep all of his emails to you. If he calls you, do not change your phone # because he will be able to get it again (via friends or other means), but do not pick up and let it go to voice mail. His voice mail could be used as evidence, and by tracking number of calls from him could also be evidence. If you should see him, take a picture of him. If he talks to you learn how to quickly record the conversation (some states may not allow you to do that).
More evidence you have will help you convince the school to do something about it. If they don’t then I would hire a lawyer to let the school know they have responsibility to make the school safe for you.

When my daughter went back to school for a reunion and her stalker posted on FB (I tracked him on FB to see what he was doing), I contacted the school and let them know about the situation. They took it seriously. They had a picture of the stalker and provided extra security. The school didn’t want to have anything happen under their watch (on campus). Likewise, OP’s school would want to make sure OP is safe and free from harassment. If they have enough evidence, I don’t see why they wouldn’t make the harasser take a year off until OP graduates or have the harasser not be in the same class as OP.

OP is not too clear on how she is being harassed or stalked other than few physical contacts. I found the authorities took my daughter’s situation seriously, but they also admitted to me that there wasn’t much they could do about it (other than a restraining order, which was counter productive) until something happened. In speaking with a lawyer, she said unfortunately it is always upon the stalkee to do something about it, by moving or being very vigilant of her surrounding, and hope the stalker would change his focus over time.

@oldfort I’m sorry that your daughter went through what she did. I do believe the emails OP.is referring to are the ones that she sent to her professor documenting harrassment. It is very hard to follow and determine what happened other than the one incident where she is specific about personal contact.

“I remain confused about what actually happened…It’s extremely difficult to wade through all of this.”

The school may be confused, too. They can only act to the extent that they understand.

This is a good illustration of what institutions have to work with in many cases.

"This is a good illustration of what institutions have to work with in many cases. "

Definitely. Tough situation for the institutions.

I’d also point out, though, that predators seem to have a knack for picking victims who are vulnerable. I volunteered in the foster care system for years and before that time, I would regularly dismiss many victims as being not credible. Heck, if they couldn’t even describe what happened, how could I believe something was wrong? Or, if they were as _______ (fill in the blank with an unflattering term of your choice) as they appeared, why would they be believable?

Sadly, over time it became apparent that abusers often pick people like that to harass, abuse or victimize in part because nobody will believe them if they do complain. People who don’t speak English well, women who appear in any way nontraditional, awkward people who aren’t articulate, people on the margins are appealing to predators not just because they appear to be easy targets but because abusers quickly learn that when victims like that complain, nobody listens.

I don’t understand enough about this situation to weigh in on what exactly has happened, just wanted to point out that the fact that the OP can’t concisely describe the situation does not mean nothing happened.

First of all, find your school’s policies related to stalking/harrassing/bullying - all schools are required to not only have them, but to post them. Check the Consumer Disclosures page on your school’s website. What are the steps involved in the process once there has been a complaint? Become familiar with this policy, then find your school’s Title IX person (coordinator, liaison, manager, etc - whatever the Title IX person at your school is called). Get in touch with the person and ask what is going on with your case (because your complaint SHOULD have resulted in the faculty member telling the Title IX person about it). You have rights - so does the person about whom you complained, of course - but you deserve a response you can understand. Don’t assume you don’t have the right to know what is going on, even if it’s just “we are in the initial phase of research” (and if the response is that they won’t be doing anything, find out why that determination was made). Your posts indicate that you do not have an advocate, and there should be someone at your school who can serve as your advocate. Please contact the school’s Title IX person as a start.