Please help me. Unethical conduct and I don't know what to do

Parents Forum
1

Hello,
I have taken the matter to the police and my case was unfounded. The school is now investigation the matter and the head of student affairs isn’t returning my emails or calls since I dropped off new evidence with his secretary.

A student was stalking/bullying/harassing me. I reported it to the Chair of the Department, the chair told me not to worry and that they would take care of it. Long story short, they did not and I eventually had to go to the police. After I went to the police the chair would say things to me such as I should switch majors, that I need to consider that my high emotions are why I feel so anxious, that I have been suffering in all of my classes, etc. I found out through attaining a copy of the police report that she lied to the police during the investigation and stated that she only knew of one time I was being harassed. I gave the email evidence, which proves I told her of multiple situations, to student affairs with the university.

I have tried going to the Dean and he gave me the name of the head of counseling services. Please help me. I don’t know what to do. The chair also told me that the person that was harassing me would be treated very fairly and that I shouldn’t worry.

I feel like I’m drowning and I know I’m not wrong, I’m not crazy, and it seems like she’s not going to let me graduate with my degree. I am a senior. I think it’s crazy that I was told to consider a different major…I’m three classes away from graduating and that I should seek counseling at the same time I reported the harassment to the police. Please help me! Please tell me what I should do.

2

Can you clarify what types of emails you are talking about? What is your past and current relationship with this person? Do you believe your safety is at risk? A restraining order is one option to explore.

3

I have sent her emails stating I have multiple incidencies to report. One email explains an incident where the person question got way to close, his side was right up against my side, in her class and she did nothing. The same day this happened he was told to keep a distance by the assistant dean who the chair reported my complaints to. I have no relationship with the person in question. We have never dated, I have never flirted, it’s very obvious we are not friends and I told him in March and April to not test my physical boundaries. I do have an on campus restraining order from the school but they can revoke it at any time if they do not believe me.

I’m definitely uncomfortable with him and the teacher. Given that the day he put himself next to me, he was looking at my torso in a weird way just before, no I do not feel safe. If he gets a chance to hurt me I think he would, or more than likely he would try to scare me again which is what he was doing (making me think he’s going to attack, threaten to damage my HW in a study room, etc). I do not trust the teacher. The police interviewed her and collected her statement in which she stated she only knew of one incidence of unethical behavior and the email I mentioned lists a different incidence, one she witnessed. NC state law defines that as Obstruction of justice. The same teacher also is trying to force me to take a class with the student next semester, and I was told by police I would never have to take a class with him again.

4

Should I take all the evidence and the police report, with a timeline of interactions with the person in question and the teacher (who is the head of the dept) to the provost? Or should I go back to the police?

5

What do you want to happen? Do you just want to take the 3 courses without this person in them? If so, the police can’t help but the Dean probably can. Just tell them that’s all you want, to have those 3 courses without him, that you’ll not take any classes he wants to take.

6

Why are you being told to change your major? Because those three classes are required?

You may not realize but the sum of your posts is still very confusing.

And why are they recommending counseling for you? A harassed person doesn’t need counseling as much as the harasser does. But the incidents aren’t clear here either.

We can’t help unless we understand.

7

Are you still at the school taking summer classes? When was the last incident and what exactly was it? Clearly this is very distressing to you as most of your posts are from the middle of the night. I agree that counseling may help you during this process.

8

Do you have an attorney? Have your parents helped?

9

Did you go to see the recommended counselor? That person probably would listen to your situation well, and perhaps give you advice on how to proceed.

Did you file charges with the police?

10

If you are posting here, it seems you are alone with this with no advocate. If for no other reason a counselor would help support and advise you.

You should not have to change your major when you are close to being done. Absolutely not.

11

You said that you’ve been " suffering through all of your classes". Did your advisor recommend that you change your major because you’re failing those classes? She can’t keep you from graduating with your degree if you have passed your classes, if you have not, that can affect when you graduate.

12

Have you gone to see the counselor? That person could be a terrific ally for you. Going there doesn’t mean you’re the one at fault or needing counseling to fix yourself. A good counselor listens and works to fix things. They have the networking possible to make things work out and press for changes.

13

Sorry all, I’ll try to be more clear.

I was being harassed by a student and when I took a report statement the Chair, who was also my teacher of a class this person was harassing me in, she stated that she would take care of it and make sure it would stop.

The harassment didn’t stop for another week and a half and for two weeks after that most of the other students made fun of me or were condescending (EX. stating I was over reacting, making rape jokes, telling me to calm down, etc.) When I approached the chair again she told me to go to the Assistant Dean, so I did. The Assistant Dean spoke with him and for a very short while the student left me alone. I also told the Assistant Dean about the environment and he said that if he needed to sit down and talk to others for me to let him know. After that the environment did calm down.

Unfortunately, The student continued to harass me for a week after that. I went into the Assistant Deans office and told him to call the police. He did. I reported the incidences to the police.

While the police were on their way I saw the chair, and told her the police were coming as the student wasn’t leaving me alone. She asked me to sit down and proceeded to tell me I wasn’t doing well in my classes, that I needed to consider a different option. I have A’s, B’s, and C’s in all classes but hers. Her class is the class I’ve been harassed in and I did passed her class. My degree audit states I received credit for her class, towards my degree and that I have three courses left.

The day after I reported the incidences to the police I met with my Chair and that was when she stated that I needed to consider a counseling and that my grades were due to my emotions and that seeking help may be the answer to doing well in school. I have previous degrees including a graduate degree, and during both those degrees I was on the deans list. My graduate GPA was 3.88. This would be my my second Bachelors degree.

I completely support counseling and do not see anything wrong with that, unless you recommend that at the end of the semester and state that my emotions are why I didn’t do well in my classes when I’ve done well in all classes but hers, and it is partially due to the situation and her refusing to work with me. It doesn’t make sense to recommend counseling on literally the last day of the teachers final exam.

I submitted my psych eval from a psychiatrists office from January of this year as well as the monthly assessment from the doctors office to student affairs, who is investigating the situation. It states I have learning disabilities and slight anxiety and nothing more and that my medication is working. My grades have improved in all my other classes by 20% and in the teachers class, the one who has said all of these things, my grade did not improve but feel.

After I reported to the police, every single time I would see the chair she says something that doesn’t make sense due to it not being true OR it contradicting something she has said earlier in the semester. Much of what she has said that either not true or has no basis in fact only happened after I made the Police report. Except for the one time she refused to give me extra time on a test and I am registered with the Disabilities office. I went to speak with Disability Services and all they said was I look bad because I didn’t report it to them sooner and instead accepted extra points on the test instead of take extended time. Which is not true, I asked the teacher over and over and over if I could have that time instead and she constantly said no.

Now, here’s the other big issue other than the harassment, I have a copy of the police report and during the investigation the Teacher told the police that she only knew of one incident of harassment. This is obviously not true as through email I told her there were multiple situations of harassment and taunting. I even told her in person about the violent/rape jokes. The teacher also saw this student put the side of his body right up against mine and she did nothing. I emailed her afterwards explaining that it was not okay, which is the email evidence supporting that he lied to the police.

I’m so sorry for not being more clear. I have written out a very long timeline explaining all situations and exactly what was said with the date to be more clear to the schools student affairs. I’m stressed now because I finally have it done and it seems like things the teacher has said when she has said them is extremely questionable.

I became extremely worried when she told both Police and Student Affairs that there is no option but for the harasser and myself to be in a class this coming fall and it’s not just any class it’s a Senior Research Project, where we would have to work together in and out of class, and it’s underneath the same teacher.

I just feel very trapped and think I need council of some kind, possibly legal. My parents are not supportive. The believe when a woman is harassed, sexually assaulted, or raped she should not seek legal help but act as if it never happened. They’re not going to help me. They have just told the school they want me to be able to graduate which is better than nothing. :slight_smile: I’m over 25 so I cannot expect them to do too much for me at this point in these matters, I have to stand up for myself by myself. Which is not a bad.

I hope this is more clear. I’d be happy to send my timeline, though my timeline is ten pages long. I’ve been being harassed since mid March and if finally stopped in May during the week of final exams and thats probably due to refusing to be within the same room as the rest of the class. I even took my final exam in a separate room because the same teacher involved did not want it scheduled at the disabilities office but instead in her department under her viewing.

I just do not trust her and I really need to know what I can do to protect myself from both the instructor and the harasser? There is a No Contact order between myself and him but what do i do if the teacher makes me take the upcoming class with him? I know she will not step in if she sees something because she did nothing before and even lied to the police about it.

It seems like she’s trying to make me feel as if I can’t manage the last three courses and I know I can.

14

Your college/university should have a Title IX office. This is the correct place to report the situation to. The physical contact and the rape jokes both create a hostile environment for a woman student, and Title IX requires colleges and universities to prevent that.

The professor/department chair may have thought that the physical contact was the only “incident.” In your posts here, you mention multiple incidents, and having informed the professor/chair of them. The one that is really clear from your write-up here is the physical contact. In speaking with staff at your college/university, you should provide clear information on all of the incidents.

If there is only one section of an upcoming class, you may or may not be able to ensure that the other student is not in it at the same time as you are. But you could at least be seated on opposite sides of the room.

Is there some kind of external certification connected with the degree you are now pursuing?

15

I believe that if your college/university accepts federal funds or allows students to take our federal loans, it must have a Title IX office. If you are having any difficulty in locating it, I would suggest looking for a woman on the faculty whose web page shows that she has feminist interests, or pursues feminist scholarship. She will know about the Title IX office and can help you in discussions with them.

16

Just an addition: I would not advise you to go to the police. Rape jokes are not against the law, even though they are in very poor taste. Physical contact with a person of the opposite sex, along the side, would not be considered an assault in the majority of cases.

However, these things do create a hostile environment for you, and that is what the Title IX office is supposed to address and prevent.

17

I am sorry that you are going through this. I am assuming you are not at a large public school, but if you are, most have something called a Campus Assault Resource Center. They are generally under Student Affairs, but are not the Vice President who oversee to many different areas including often areas like admissions. If your school doesn’t have a campus assault center look, as has been suggested, look for something like the Title IX or Equal Opportunity Center. If none of that is available on campus I would refer you to call the clery center (website listed at end). You should receive better direction then you receive here . The Jeanne Clery Act requires that any campus that receives federal financial aid report crime and assault statistics. Some schools might want to downplay any issues because it hurts their recruiting. I am sorry to say your academic Deans office may not be equipped to help you. It sounds like they are just trying to have you change departments because they don’t understand what you are going through or want the issue to go away. The police department can help, but many again are not the best with this type of problem. Call the Clery Center. You should receive more support and resources from them. Good luck.

https://clerycenter.org/about-page/resources-for-students-families/

18

Frankly, I think there are a couple of issues here. You’re obviously upset by this person. And that’s fine. But, whether the conduct rises to actionable harassment is unclear. So I see two pronged solution. First, contacting the proper authorities at the school to address the issues. Some have suggested Title XI offices and the like. That’s a good start. But honestly, you should also focus on yourself and dealing with the anxiety you feel. It may be warranted, or not, – we don’t have all the facts. But either way, you need to figure out how to not let it control your life. Good luck.

19

Once you went to the police, you created an adversarial relationship with the school. Not saying that was inappropriate- I cannot tell from the facts you have given about the harassment.

But this is your introduction to what I call “institutional behavior.” Once you create a threat to the university, it acts sort of like an organism and contracts to protect itself. There are hidden agendas that you are not privy to. This is the real world unfortunately.

The harasser is responsible, of course, but for your own good, try to work on feeling more empowered, because that may help you avert bullying in the future. Bullies and harassers are drawn to those who react.

If there is a restraining order, the harasser needs to stay a certain distance from you and the university would have to comply, right?

I really hope you find an ally, a professional, to talk with.

20

Yes, colleges really prefer that incidents not be reported to the police, and sometimes react badly when it happens. That doesn’t mean reports shouldn’t be made. Agree that finding your Title IX Office is a good next step.