Please help! UF Essay evaluation

<p>Hey guys, please criticize my essay as much as possible. I love UF and am trying my best to write an essay which encapsulates my experience. </p>

<p>Topic: : Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.</p>

<p>The warm summer of 2011; it served as an enlightenment for me. I spent a considerable portion of that summer volunteering at a local elementary school. I convinced myself that I would have only a modicum of time left for leisure, but to my surprise, I had an unforgettable experience. A close friend of mine, Miquel, had mentioned he wouldn’t be spending this entire vacation like I was, insinuating that it was time to try new things. Compelled to discover what he could possibly want to do, I inquired. “You have to do this with me”, he replied with a welcoming gesture. He was going to visit the Buddhist Dharmakāya Temple in Miami. Initially, I was reluctant because I did not know much about Buddhism, but as Miquel began to explain how refreshing and entertaining it could be, I succumbed to his plea as I believed that it could be a chance to educate myself on Buddhism and its peculiar culture.
The temple focused chiefly on Vajrayana Buddhism, highly concentrated on inner peace achieved by means of meditation. I was eager to try something so new and unique. As we entered, we were immediately greeted by an incarnate Buddhist lama. The hospitality and friendly atmosphere rendered me relaxed, subsequently allowing me to observe the smaller things around me such as the thinness of the air surrounding my body and the fabrics of my clothes that were meticulously stitched together; I began to see things beyond their superficial appearances and impressions. Trungram, one of the teachers at the temple, introduced me to the foundation of Buddhism. He explained to me that Buddha lived over 2500 years ago, and that he had been sheltered for a majority of his life until he left his home and witnessed the myriad of injustices the world entailed. The nobility of Buddhism struck me. I felt overwhelmed spending the next few hours in the temple learning about concepts I had never thought about before, such as absolute inner peace.
In retrospect, I am content with having accepted my friend’s request. He was right; it was time to try new things and expose myself to obscure subjects. I felt liberated, leaving behind the shackles of the monotonous status quo. Upon reflection, I believe that that day shaped me into the receptive person I am today. The agglomeration of peace in the air, subtle, melodic songs in the background, and all-around welcoming aurora was extraordinary and certainly made it a memorable episode of my life. That day, I unearthed the realization that I shouldn’t be closed-minded on any topic I previously deemed too intricate or abstruse to fully comprehend - Reluctancy can only hinder my future possibilities. I believe that this experience will allow me to incorporate myself into the diverse community at UF more effectively. I will always be open to new ideas, which is imperative to any club position I may have, and I will not pass on the opportunity to take the road less traveled. I will also be inclined to take initiative, as I now believe that the world is simply waiting to be discovered and delved into. UF, I presume, will hold many surprises for me and I am ready to tackle them without hesitation.</p>