<p>Would any kind soul please rate my essay and give some constructive criticism? Thank you :)</p>
<p>Prompt: "Do you think that ease does ot challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?"</p>
<p>Responsibility is similar to an unknown force of extreme heaviness that weighs on a person’s shoulders like boulders. When one is aware of the consequences of failure, his or her decision making is truly put to a test. However, simply the expression of willingness to accept responsibility can show and measure a person’s maturity. It shows that he or she is willing to sacrifice valuable things for a more significant cause. From my personal experience in my sophomore year, I learned from my time on the Varsity tennis team, just how much courage it actually takes to accept responsibility.
In the fall of my second year on the tennis team, I had already proven myself to be on top of the other players, the team’s ace. I would train and condition through rain and mud, from day to night. I had thought that my aggressive attitude and desire to win showed an increase in maturity. However, as the season went on, the Varsity team just kept losing and losing as if we were being dragged into quicksand. And no matter how many games I won by own, it would still not be enough to erase the deficit that my team had created. Soon enough, this frustration built inside me like a molten volcano as I exploded and spewed out insults at my teammates for their weakness. I will never forget the look of disappointment in my coach’s eyes. He told me after that, as one of the best tennis players of the team, I had the responsibility of looking out and helping to improve my teammate’s skills. He asked me “Are you satisfied with winning by yourself, or are you a bigger man than that, and would want to not only win by yourself, but with companions by your side?”
It struck me that I was simply being stuck-up and arrogant with my thinking. It was true that my teammates were not the best players in the world, however, being a knowledgeable player with years of experience, I had never thought about giving them tips or advice. I always thought about how I was going to win my matches, with no care for my teammates’. From that day on, I became open-minded, and through the training of my coach, I have learned to become a leader who assists and cheers his teammates on.
People have always said that tennis is a lonely sport and that once the player steps on the court, that there is no one who can help he or she. However, after my point of realization, I have concluded this statement is very wrong. When I step onto the court, I can feel the overwhelming support from my parents and coaches who have pushed me vigorously so that I can be where I am today. Nonetheless, had I not be willing to accept the responsibility of a leader to carry the burden of his teammates, I would not nearly have matured as much, and would have remained the same self-centered individual that I was. Only when a man has something else to protect will he truly have matured. </p>
<pre><code> Responsibility is similar to an unknown force of extreme heaviness that weighs on a person’s shoulders like boulders. When one is aware of the consequences of failure, his or her decision making is truly put to a test. However, simply the expression of willingness to accept responsibility can show and measure a person’s maturity. It shows that he or she is willing to sacrifice valuable things for a more significant cause. From my personal experience in my sophomore year, I learned from my time on the Varsity tennis team, just how much courage it actually takes to accept responsibility.
In the fall of my second year on the tennis team, I had already proven myself to be on top of the other players, the team’s ace. I would train and condition through rain and mud, from day to night. I had thought that my aggressive attitude and desire to win showed an increase in maturity. However, as the season went on, the Varsity team just kept losing and losing as if we were being dragged into quicksand. And no matter how many games I won by own, it would still not be enough to erase the deficit that my team had created. Soon enough, this frustration built inside me like a molten volcano as I exploded and spewed out insults at my teammates for their weakness. I will never forget the look of disappointment in my coach’s eyes. He told me after that, as one of the best tennis players of the team, I had the responsibility of looking out and helping to improve my teammate’s skills. He asked me “Are you satisfied with winning by yourself, or are you a bigger man than that, and would want to not only win by yourself, but with companions by your side?”
It struck me that I was simply being stuck-up and arrogant with my thinking. It was true that my teammates were not the best players in the world, however, being a knowledgeable player with years of experience, I had never thought about giving them tips or advice. I always thought about how I was going to win my matches, with no care for my teammates’. From that day on, I became open-minded, and through the training of my coach, I have learned to become a leader who assists and cheers his teammates on.
People have always said that tennis is a lonely sport and that once the player steps on the court, that there is no one who can help he or she. However, after my point of realization, I have concluded this statement is very wrong. When I step onto the court, I can feel the overwhelming support from my parents and coaches who have pushed me vigorously so that I can be where I am today. Nonetheless, had I not be willing to accept the responsibility of a leader to carry the burden of his teammates, I would not nearly have matured as much, and would have remained the same self-centered individual that I was. Only when a man has something else to protect will he truly have matured.
</code></pre>
<p>AMAZING. You deserve a 13/12. Bravo. ENCORE!!! </p>
<p>You sure you can write 530 words + planning on paper in 25 mins?</p>
<p>really good. the ending lesson is really unique and profound as well. the content and self-reflection is really on point. I would just advise you to try and describe the transition to your becoming open-minded instead of just suddenly saying, I changed for the better. Otherwise, its a really solid essay! :)</p>