Please read my essay

Hello, I’m an international student coming from Ivory Coast in West Africa and I’m applying as a international transfer student to Temple University.
the topic of my essay is: Tell us more about yourself. Relate one or more circumstances that are contributed to your academic or/and personal development. Use a minimum of 250 words.

And this what I wrote, please could you read it and give me your opinions about it

Coming back to my original country operated a deep change in my life and it has contributed to both my personal and educational development.
From my childhood in France, I have always desired to study abroad. To me, discovering the world would empower me and make me realize my dreams. Upon return to Cote d’Ivoire, the different social challenges that I saw around my family further triggered my desire to succeed. Therefore, when I got the Baccalauréat I chose the International University of Grand-Bassam, the only American-style University in Côte d’Ivoire with the intention of majoring in Business Entrepreneurship. Nevertheless, this major was not offered so I chose to declare my major in Business Administration with a minor in finance and then transferring in a university in the US to continue my studies in entrepreneurship. This is how I found Temple University. However, I clearly knew that coming from Côte d’Ivoire which is a francophone country to the US will be another challenge for me. So, I worked hard and invested myself in all the extracurricular activities of my university in order to develop both my leadership skills and my creativity. This behaviour led me to create the Music Club and be part of the student government association as student’s life manager. Hours spent in investing myself in university’s activities were worth it when my university chose me as student ambassador and offered me a job in the recruitment’s department. The grades that I earned and the extra-work I did for my university taught me the sense of responsibility and prepared me to be efficient in the US. Coming back to my country allows me to be sure of what I would like to be for my country and helps me to find Temple University as a great platform to blossom and give back to my country and the rest of the world what I will receive from my formation.