<p>If you guys can please give me some constructive criticism, feedback, and just review/revise my essay, any suggestions, and simply your thoughts. I am a transfer student getting ready to send in my application to UC Boulder and need feedback on my essay. Thanks!</p>
<p>The University of Colorado at Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community and what are your hopes for your college experience?</p>
<p>Growing up in the 21st century has given me the privilege to grow up in an atmosphere where diversity, is truly embraced. I see the United States as a melting pot, where a plethora of races, cultures, and languages come together to form our nation. Attending college for the past month has not only made me value diversity even more, but has also helped me discover myself, as well as my passions and ambitions. At this stage in my life as a community college student, I feel that I am a great fit for the University of Colorado Boulder. I am confident on who I am as a person, what I want out of live, and the steps I have to take to get there. I possess many skills and qualities that are essential assets for the student culture at CU Boulder. </p>
<p>Barack Obama once said, Success is not measured by the amount of money you make, but the difference you make in peoples lifes This is one of the phrases I can truly say I live by. Everyday I think of ways in which I can improve myself without losing my essence, so that I can then improve the lives of others and make a difference even if it is a small one. I have put my people and facilitating skills to the test by getting involved in several activities like Project VOYCE, a non-profit organization that works towards building rapport between teachers and students to ultimately, enrich the quality of education in our schools. I have also stayed involved with my high school by helping translate to parents during registration and promoting ways students can get involved within the school and the community. Working at a financial institution like Wells Fargo was not my idea of a fun summer but eventually, I developed a lot of social and banking skills by helping customers succeed financially as well as handling transactions. I feel that by getting involved in small activities like this, I have formed a basic trail that I must follow in order to get to my final destination.</p>
<p>By attending CU, I will strive academically while getting involved in community service work and internships as much as possible. By joining a Residential Academic Program, I am convinced that I will excel in my academic performance, thus, have a successful collegiate career. Making my parents proud and being an inspiration for my young siblings by being the first college graduate in my family will fulfill me entirely. My leadership skills and viewpoints as a minority are great assets for the CU community that I want to become a part of. CU offers every opportunity I need in order to get to where I want to be. My success at CU will not rely on the amount of tuition I pay, but the commitment I will make towards my academics, and the difference I am looking to make in the Boulder campus and in the community. Go Buffs!</p>