Please score my essay! (Oct SAT)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Feel free to be as honest as you need to be. Any help would be much appreciated! I left any grammar mistakes here just to be genuine. Completed this within 25 minutes. (:</p>

<p>Oh and good luck to all of you who's sitting for the October SAT ((:</p>

<p>Do you think that people are capable of finding happiness or are they always searching for something beyond what they have?</p>

<p>Essay:
We, as imperfect humans, will always be in the pursuit of happiness, no matter how much we’ve got. From analyzing a Greek mythology and real-life observations and experiences, it is evident that we will constantly be searching for happiness; or perhaps, more happiness.</p>

<p>One of the many fascinating Greek mythology figures is Bellerophon. King Iobates had commanded his to slay the Chimaera, in hopes of having Bellerophon slayed in the process. But because of Bellerophon’s strength and courage, he succeeded in slaying the creature. King Iobates then commanded him to conquer the Amazon tribe, which he succeeded in as well. The king then noticed that the gods had favor on Bellerophon, and rewarded him with half of his kingdom, his best farming lands, and his daughter’s hand in marriage.</p>

<p>Bellerophon should’ve been happy enough, but he was greedy. In his greed and arrogance, Bellerophon attempted to reach Mount Olympus to visit the gods with the help of Pegasus, the flying horse. Zeus quickly put an end to Bellerophon’s attempt by sending a gadsfly to sting Pegasus. Pegasus, in response to the sting, threw Bellerophon off and sent him plummeting down. Bellerophon survived the fall, but was crippled. He spent the rest of his life wandering the earth.</p>

<p>By analyzing the behavior patterns of gamblers, we can also see how we humans are always in need for “more”. I have a friend who lost almost thirty thousand dollars on football betting. He had explained to me how he had been making thousands of dollars when he had first started. He had been winning – but it wasn’t enough for him. He proceeded on raising the risks and eventually lost all of his profits and fell into debt. He reasoned that had he been happy with what he already had, it wouldn’t have turned out so bad.</p>

<p>By looking at the two given examples it is clear to see that we will always be in search for more happiness – in whatever form it might be. Be it power, success, possessions, or wealth – we will inevitably want more.</p>

2

<p>I think this is pretty darn good. I do have a few minor quibbles, but you’re clearly already capable of a great essay.</p>

<p>You examples are excellent, and well explained - possibly slightly over detailed in the case of the myth, but if you were able to get through it within the time limit that’s OK. Just be careful that you don’t sacrifice the end of your essay because you spent too much time on details. You also may be cutting it pretty close for fitting all of it into two pages, so just be cautious.</p>

<p>My only real complaint is that you don’t spell out what they have to do specifically with happiness. You talk about greed and wanting, but you don’t tell me about happiness. I see the relationship and understand what you’re saying, but talking about greed isn’t exactly what the assignment is asking. You need to actually state that the gambler equated more money with happiness, for example.</p>

<p>There are a few minor grammar problems. Avoid contractions if you can, and “should’ve” is a particularly bad one. Just write out the full words. The last word of the next to last paragraph should be “badly” not “bad.” And the first sentence of the last paragraph should be “in search of” OR “searching for” but not “in search for” - it’s just not idiomatically correct.</p>

<p>I’d probably score it a 5, although you might get a tough grader that takes off more because of the lack of direct discussion of happiness. Just keep up the good work. You’ll be fine!</p>