Hi –
I am a student heading into my junior year of high school. I’m trying to prepare to take the current SAT this fall, using the advice and approaches I’ve read on College Confidential. I’m happy to say that this approach is working very well for me, but I’m struggling with my essay writing. I’m having a hard time grading myself objectively. I would deeply appreciate it if people could grade my essay on the 1-6 SAT scale. Also, if you have specific advice for improvement, I would welcome it gladly. Thank you in advance!
The prompt was: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?
People shouldn’t make more of an effort to keep things private. While trying to keep personal matters
private ostensibly prevents conflict, in reality, it only makes the conflicts worse when the truth inevitably
comes out. Several examples from history, literature, and film clearly demonstrate that trying to keep things private is detrimental to all involved.
During WWII, FDR kept the atomic bomb secret from his ally Stalin, ultimately building tensions between
the countries and leading to the cold war. Although President Roosevelt tried to keep the new technology
secret from Stalin to prevent conflict, Stalin found out on his own from Russian spies. Stalin saw this secret as a huge betrayal because they were allies, and the already faulty trust between the US and Russia was betrayed. Many Soviet newspapers printed stories about how evil the US was for creating the atomic bomb and trying to keep it secret. Therefore, FDR’s attempts to keep the atomic bomb a secret from Russia shows that trying to keep things private can often make the situation worse.
Additionally, in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “The Scarlet Letter,” Dimmesdale tries to keep his affair with
Hester Prynne secret – a secret he ultimately decides to give up because it ruins his life and relationship to his daughter. Dimmesdale is often shown clutching his chest in physical pain that results from his internal pain from keeping the truth about his affair private. Because he keeps the affair private, he is unable to publicly act as a father to his daughter Pearl, which he tells Hester pains him deeply. Ultimately, he reveals his secret to the down and, full of relief, he dies and Pearl kisses him on the cheek to show she finally forgives him. Clearly, Dimmesdale’s attemps to keep his affair privvate show that keeping things private is often detrimental.
Finally, in The Lion King, Simba keeps the story of his father’s death secret, because he things it was his fault and runs away instead. If he had told the Pride, they’d have figured out it was really Scar’s fault, but instead he keeps it private. When he returns years later, Scar has taken over Pride Rock and the situation is much worse because no one else knew the truth. Therefore, Simba’s actions to keep the truth about Mufasa’s death private worsened the situation greatly.
After careful analysis of FDR’s actions during WWII, The Scarlet Letter, and the Lion King, it’s clear that keeping things private is indeed bad for everyone involved. If people didn’t try hard to keep things private, the truth would be less harmful when it inevitably comes out.