Please Score My SAT Essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Please score my SAT essay out of 12.</p>

<p>Prompt: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>

<p>Essay (Just as I wrote it in 23 mins):</p>

<pre><code> It is critical that people take responsibility for solving problems that affect their community so that everyone will have a better world to live in. It is lucid through several examples from literature such as 1984 and historical figures such as Rosa Parks and Peter Benenson that people must take responsibility to solve problems in their communities.

In the novel 1984 by George Orwell, the main character, Winston, takes the responsibility of fighting against the oppressive government under which he and his fellow citizens live. Winston does not, as most people would, sit idly by and watch the government trample people's rights. He takes the "path less traveled by" and attemps to expose the decpive (sp: should have been deceptive) nature of the government. By taking responsibility to tackle a problem in his society, Winston effects some change on the society in the the book even though he is not completly (sp) sucessful (sp). Winston sets the foundation for the overthrow of the government by taking responsibility to solve a problem.

Historical figures such as Rosa Parks also took responsibility to solve problems that affected her nation. When she was ordered to give up her seat to a white man on a bus, she refused. She saw it for what it was: a racist and unjust law. She took responsibility for solving this problem and refused to get out of her seat, even if she was arrested in the process. By taking responsibility to correct the problem of racism in her community, she helped start the Civil Rights Movement. Because she had the courage to take responsibility decades ago, the United States today is a better place. In place of segregated schools and buses, there are schools and businesses that see the value of diversity.

Peter Benenson is another historical figure who made the world a better place by taking responsibility to solve a problem. He witnessed two students in Portugal being treated inhumanely by the government. So, he took the responsibility to write a letter to his hometown newspaper criticizing the actions of the Portugese government and calling for the boys' release. This quickly turned into a worldwide movement known today as Amnesty International. By taking the responsibility of writing a letter to his hometown newspaper, Benenson helped found Amnesty International, an organization that has sucessfully (sp) lobbied for the humane treatment of people worldwide.

After careful analysis of literary works such as 1984 and historical figures such as Rosa Parks and Peter Benenson, it is lucid that people should take responsibility to solve problems that affect their community. As President Barack Obama said in a speech at Atlanta, GA, "Every [citizen] should take responsibility to effect change, for if they do not, the U.S. will no longer be the best [nation] in the world."
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<p>Thanks for your help.</p>

2

<p>Bump .</p>

3

<p>Bump. 32 views and not one response…</p>

4

<p>This is an excellent essay with just one issue. In the first example of 1984, the effect of Winston’s actions in making a “better world” is a bit vague. You mention he is “not completely successful” and sets the “foundation for the overthrow of the government” but this does not really explain how that makes his time’s society better. However, in the other examples, you did elaborate on this (i.e. Rosa Parks allowed for a racially integrated society, Amnesty International leads to the humane treatment of people worldwide). </p>

<p>Thus, just ensure for your essay that ALL of your paragraphs note significance sufficiently. You’ve demonstrated you can do this; I just think you rushed a bit on the 1984 example near the end of it.</p>

<p>11/12</p>

5

<p>Your examples are good at arguing what happens when people take responsibility (save for the inconsistency in the 1984 paragraph). However, I think you should have explained an example that shows what happens when people don’t take responsibility and the consequences of this action. This would strengthen your claim since your essay will show that people taking responsibility helps overall, and when people don’t, there are dire consequences. Your essay currently states only the first part.
I’m not scoring it by the way; I’m just telling you how it could have been improved, although I understand you might have forgot to do this under the time constraint.</p>

6

<p>Wait… how long would this be with your handwriting? (1 page? 1.5 pages?)</p>

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<p>Thanks for the advice guys. It really does help. In my handwriting, it filled up both pages. I actually had to split the last line on the 2nd page into 2 lines to fit all of it in.</p>

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<p>I would give this essay nothing less than a 10 (would probably be a 12 if not for select grammar/vocab errors). Great work! I had this same prompt on my last practice test and totally blanked on examples…ended up using Hamlet (which actually worked very well), the Age of Exploration and the issue of Medicinal Marijuana…not my best work haha</p>

9

<p>Although the majority in any situation holds all the power, it is not necessarily always right. Several examples from literary works and history show that often times the opinion of the majority can be detrimental to society.</p>

<p>As demonstrated by the The Crucible, a play by Arthur Miller, the majority’s views should sometimes be questioned. The play takes place in the Puritan town of Salem, Massachusetts, where religion and government intertwine. As a result of the piety of nearly all of the townspeople, religion holds a strict, austere grasp on their society. All judgments are made with God and the devil in consideration. When a young girl, Abigail, is jealous of the wife of a man with which she had an affair, she accuses the wife of being a witch in order to get her arrested. This galvanizes into a massive witch hunt in Salem, resulting in the deaths of multiple people. And because the townsfolk are so religious, the majority of them believe in Abigail’s envious, malicious tall tales. It takes the will power of one man (the man who Abigail had the affair with) to stop the hysteria. Hence, the opinion of the majority should not always be trusted.</p>

<p>The story of Galileo shows the unreliability of the majority as well. During Galileo’s time period, most of the people subscribed to the belief (mostly religious based) that everything in the solar system revolved around the earth. Contrastingly, Galileo discovered through scientific research that the earth and other celestial objects revolve around a sun: a theory known as heliocentrism. This viewpoint was highly polemical at the time, and it lead to Galileo’s trial by the Roman Inquisition in 1615. The Inquisition decided that heliocentrism was not a proven fact. Vexed at the Inquisition’s findings, Galileo defended himself and heliocentrism in an essay. By doing so, he alienated himself from the majority even further than before, and was once more put on trial. This time, Galileo was found guilty of heresy and was sentenced to life under house arrest. Of course in the present, we realize that Galileo was in fact correct, further proving that the majority is not always right.</p>

<p>Furthermore, the main character, Winston, from George Orwell’s 1984 illustrates how the majority can be deceptive and untrustworthy. In Winston’s world, the government is suppressive and dubious, and maintains total control over all citizens. However, most of these citizens are perfectly content with their lives because they have been brainwashed. But Winston’s insatiable quest for freedom leads him to rebel against his society and fight for his right to be an individual. He writes in a diary, an extreme offense in his world. He has and enjoys a relationship with a young woman named Julia, which is also forbidden. Winston rebels because he knows the society in which he lives tries to take away all rights to life. Moreover, Winston’s rebellion show that the majority’s opinion can be harmful.</p>

<p>Through a clear analysis of The Crucible, Galileo, and 1984, the majority’s opinion is, indeed, not always right. In fact, the majority can often times put society in further danger which is why it is so important to consider everyone’s thoughts and opinions.</p>

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<p>Could someone please grade my essay?</p>