Rate my Essay please!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>This is the one from Barron's 2008 Diagnostic test.</p>

<p>The prompt asks if the TV has isolated people, taken them farther apart:</p>

<p>*Since the invention of the television, the medium has had its ups and downs. At first, television watching was a communal affair; the first television set owners in a neighborhood would proudly invite the neighbors in to view the marvelous box. In time, however, the television came to have an isolating effect on viewers; as the painter Andy Warhol once said, "When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships."</p>

<p>ASSIGNMENT: What are your thoughts on the idea that televison has turned out to isolate people instead of bring them together? Compose an essay...</p>

<p>Here's the link to a scan of my essay:
CLICK</a> ME!</p>

<p>Tips on improving would be appreciated.</p>

<p>Thanks! :)</p>

2

<p>10/12</p>

<p>The essay has good length and elaboration of examples. I'd suggest omitting phrases such as "I believe" and "I believe I am right in saying" to make the writing more assertive. Remember, CC often underrates SAT essays due to alignment with personal, not CollegeBoard standards.</p>

3

<p>Probably a 7-8, because you use a lot of personal qualifiers and you don't really have good examples. Also, higher level diction sprinkled here and there would probably work as well.</p>

4

<p>Ah, well thanks for the hint about the personal approach. I did NOT know that.</p>

<p>Does anyone have any links to a model essay on this topic?</p>