Does anyone have experience with this? In my case, a teacher really advocated and pushed for my acceptance into a certain school, then scrounged up a great financial package for me, almost certain that I would attend. I admit, I did give that impression, since it IS one of my two top choices, and at the time, I was 90% sure I would attend - I didn’t think I would be admitted to both!
However, I’m not set on the aforementioned school by any means…I’m worried, however, that turning down the offer means marking myself with an insincere reputation, especially come grad school auditions, should I choose to pursue music further.
I think that this is a common problem. I’m sure teachers realize that students may not go to their school. I would think that I would tell them as soon as you know so that they can offer another great package to someone else.
My daughter moved a school way up on her list after hitting it off with the studio professor, and he really went to bat for her as far as a financial aid package. In the end, though, another school was overall a better fit for her. She sent the studio professor an email saying basically that… although I would really love to study with you, after thinking it over, school B is an overall better fit for me. I hope our paths cross again in the future. She received a nice email in return wishing her well, so I think she handled it well. I think in majors like this, where you have auditioned and have a little more personal contact with a school than just an admissions office, it is important to communicate your decision and not just return the postcard, or have them assume you aren’t coming since you didn’t send a deposit. My daughter wasn’t comfortable with a phone call, but I think the email was okay.
I would think that these teachers and admissions officers have enough experience in this field that they don’t take it personally or hold any sort of grudge against you for declining an offer, no matter how generous. I would word your decline very graciously, saying how much you appreciate their offer and their interest in your training, that it has been a difficult decision, and that for a variety of reasons you have decided to attend School X again. You can close by saying that you know it’s a small field and hope that your paths will cross in the years to come. That leaves the door open for when you come back for grad school admission. And who knows if you may bump into them at summer festivals or competitions.
I wish I had specifics, I have heard anecdotally of teachers who got their nose bent out of joint when a student turns them down,we fortunately never experienced that first hand. The stories I hear usually dealt with smaller music programs where the teacher involved saw a really talented student, made the full court press to try and get the student at the program, probably figuring it would be a feather in his cap, then had the kid decide to go to a major music school/famous teacher kind of thing…but take that just as that, an anecdote that I cannot confirm. I think most teachers realize that people make decisions based on a lot of factors, and if the teacher made an effort to get the kid more money and such, it was him trying to recruit the student, and sometimes it fails. I never understood teachers taking such things personally, they of all people should know how hard it is to find a teacher you fit with, a program and so forth.
@SteinwayandDs , I don’t think that’s necessary. In my daughter’s case, it was well known, as her private teacher was a good friend of the teacher at the school she turned down, but if he didn’t know, I think she would have just said “another school.” I also don’t think you need to get into the reasons why. Just like in any other situation where you are saying no, you don’t want to give them an opening to try and change your mind. There are many factors that go into picking a school that have nothing to do with the music program, studio or professor. They can’t take it personally.
Thank you JAM113! I actually told the teacher about my final decision without reasons yesterday. Just want to be honest to him. I don’t know whether I have made a mistake or not… Will most of teachers regard that as insult(the show of appreciation) and be too mad to reply in this kind of situation? Hoping to receive the reply X_X