<p>Nameless, I see what you're saying, but I don't see the point in pre-marital sex if it isn't for the immediate pleasure/casuality. If the reason you have sex is truly because of "love" or the like, why don't you wait until marriage? IMO, marriage adds a sort of sanctity to sex, which is good, and in no way "casual."</p>
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I think in practice its a safer, more patient approach to wait, however - it comes down to your beliefs and principles.
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It also comes down to religious and secular law. Gay couples are not allowed to marry in the vast majority of states, and consequently quite a few are having "pre-marital" sex.</p>
<p>^ belief/principle being pro-gay/anti-gay...</p>
<p>I am not saying it is true love. I am saying that perhaps you should date seriously to figure out what kind of person you would really like when you get married and figure out what you really want in a marriage if that is your plan later on. This is like hands on training and research for what you want in marriage. There are people you often have strong feelings for that just will likely not work out long term. Date seriously, if it leads to marriage down the road then fine, if not, then fine too. I am just saying if you are having sex, then you should more than be an acquaintance with a person. I am not the person who you meet at a bar, have a good time, and have sex with soon after.</p>
<p>Not all relationships that have a very good relationship end in marriage. A lot of people are afraid of some commitment and all and just do not like this idea. There are relationships that last 3-5yrs but ultimately not in marriage. This is how I do it, seems fine to me. Perhaps my idea of searching for and trying to discover what I will really like down the road for marriage might not fit everyone. Others marry on a whim and nothing more. Sometimes that works, sometimes it does not, not saying my method is the perfect one. I just like to know what I want in life and take control of it. Others might not have my personality and attitude. I select my friends very rigorously too because I know what I want in them and from them(emotionally and all). I do not become friends with people merely because of monetary factors if that is what you got from that statement, that is not a factor at all.</p>
<p>Sex positions and habits are not nearly enough to tell you how your marriage life is going to turn out...</p>
<p>bjdzyak - that must have been really hard. I hope you've been able to get out of the relationship. It's actually a sign of an evolving society that people are getting out of unhappy marriages. It's a myth that we are supposed to find a "one true love". Some people might, but most have "true love" for periods of their life. To promise someone at 25 that they'll feel the same way at 45 is an absurd lie. They don't know. </p>
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lol...^ that analogy is not applicable. You buy a car to drive it, so you testdrive. But you don't wed to have sex, so you don't need to have pre-marital sex before marrying.
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<p>But sex is a big part of marriage, and if two people are not compatible sexually it can destroy everything else. So, it is applicable. You might be too young to have engaged in a long-term relationship yet, but you can't tell yourself "He's really nice!" to compensate for no sexual chemistry.</p>
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Conversely, pre-marital sex can lead to forced/unwanted marriage, let alone pregnancy due to "emotional attachment" or a sense of responsibility that comes with sharing a body with another.
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<p>Is there any evidence for this claim? While perhaps some individuals might feel this sense of attachment, it's rare that both people would and then succumb to a joint decision to marry against their own will. Usually one of the parties just isn't that into it and resists. I'd be interested in seeing statistics to the contrary, though.</p>
<p>powerbomb, I do not think you got a single thing out of my post. Not that you did not read it, but just not what I was trying to convey. I did not mean about sex positions or habits at all. Perhaps you perfectly found what you wanted in life and everything before you finished your teen years unless you are like 40 right now and I am completely mistaken on your age. At that age I had only figured out my basic career goals. If you seriously have everything known in life then fine. I have made some mistakes where I found out what I thought I wanted was not what I wanted various times. Unless you are really old I doubt you have either. There are constantly threads about people here who chose a college merely because of prestige and end up very unhappy. This is exactly like choosing a girl to marry on what you thought was perfect and in the end was not what you wanted. If you seriously do not believe you can make such a mistake then more power to you. I would rather be certain I won't make the mistake than make it and regret it later on with one kid.</p>
<p>Hmm... I'm for it, but be safe =)</p>
<p>it's your choice, really</p>
<p>but what does marriage have to do with it? marriage encompasses sex, but sex does not necessarily encompass marriage. it's not like it's a safeguard against divorce or something. sex is an action, a display of intimacy and love, or maybe just fun. if you only feel emotionally comfortable to display those deep feelings based on a point in time when you get married, but not before then, is that really a good idea to marry them at all? if you can't lay yourlsef emotionally bare to them?</p>
<p>question: what is the consequence of having premarital sex with someone and then marrying them?</p>
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if you only feel emotionally comfortable to display those deep feelings based on a point in time when you get married, but not before then, is that really a good idea to marry them at all? if you can't lay yourlsef emotionally bare to them?
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often it's not about any of this stuff at all. one common reason people choose to abstain from sex til marriage is religion. these people might be in love with their partner, want to emotionally bare themselves, long for sex...but won't do it, because in the back of their mind, they're thinking "Oh yeah well in the <em>insert religious text</em> it says sex before marriage = sin" and that makes them nervous. it's very hard to overcome that type of thinking. this is why religious teens will often be comfortable doing everything, except for intercourse itself. I was raised in a very religious family, and although I personally have no problem with premarital sex, my upbringing still impacts my actions and thoughts a lot.<br>
Btw, you don't have to have sex to emotionally bare yourself.</p>
<p>On average, I would agree that premarital sex usually means "immature sex." Just a couple horny teenagers having some fun, with no love involved. There are however many cases where two individuals are in love and ready to embrace the intimacy that sex brings. These scenarios often happen before marriage, unless of course a couple goes out and gets married after six months of dating. </p>
<p>Sex is not just an action of pleasure, it tests the love of two individuals. It is an important aspect of any long term relationship because it helps two lovers understand each other better. Without that understanding, I actually find it hard to believe that two individuals are ready to devote their lives to each other. Maybe there is a reason why the national divorce rate is so high? Maybe many marry without being "sure" that their partner is right for them, sometimes because they waited until after marriage to engage in sex.</p>
<p>Cali, I dont think saying the national divorce rate is high because of people waiting till marriage to have sex, when the vast majority of people do have sex before they are married is a valid argument. From what I've seen there is a lot of people that stay together because of sex. They end up wanting it to work even if they both know they arent right for each other.</p>
<p>With the astronomically high STD rates and unwanted pregnancies, I don't see how more people aren't supporting waiting till marriage regardless of religion.</p>
<p>Personally I think it should be with someone you love, marriage is just a made up legal term.</p>
<p>Everyone acquires a sex drive when they undergo puberty, at around 11-14 years old. Only under the 'moral' restrictions of society is premarital/teenage sex inappropriate. :></p>
<p>Waiting until marriage just isn't realistic for the majority of the population. Honestly as long as people are taking the right precautions and respecting each other, I have no problem with it.</p>
<p>those of you who are against premarital sex are the ones who couldn't get laid in high school anyways. you look at the lack of sexual appeal that you give off, and use the premarital sex argument to justify it.</p>
<p>Why not? Do whatever you want. If you're into having sex, go for it, if you're not, that's fine too. Live and let live. Just make sure it's consensual and make sure it's safe.</p>
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Maybe there is a reason why the national divorce rate is so high? Maybe many marry without being "sure" that their partner is right for them, sometimes because they waited until after marriage to engage in sex.
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I disagree, I think the (non-religious) people who have premarital sex are more likely to get divorced, while the (religous) people who don't have premarital sex are less likely to get divorced. The two events are correlated because religion disapproves of both, and this prevails over the logic that partners who have a good physical relationship before marriage will be happier together. It's sounds stupid, but then again, most people are stupid.</p>
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those of you who are against premarital sex are the ones who couldn't get laid in high school anyways. you look at the lack of sexual appeal that you give off, and use the premarital sex argument to justify it.
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Could be true, but I bet there are a lot of really good-looking people who get to third base every week and then stop because their religion is against premarital sex.</p>
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I disagree, I think the (non-religious) people who have premarital sex are more likely to get divorced, while the (religous) people who don't have premarital sex are less likely to get divorced.
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<p>Scientific evidence doesn't support this claim. Divorce rates are significantly higher in religious communities - Conservative Christians have amongst the highest in studies (believe it or not) and, as mentioned earlier, the states where religion is statistically more important (which are all in the Deep South) have a 50% higher divorce rate than in the Northeast, which statistically has the lowest adherence to religion.</p>
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If the reason you have sex is truly because of "love" or the like, why don't you wait until marriage?
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I believe the question is not "why not wait?" but rather "why wait?" If two young people are in love and are comfortable enough with each other to do something that will show their love and bring them pleasure, why should they wait months or years to do it? Yes, waiting makes it special, but that could apply to anything else... kissing could be restricted until after marriage, after all, but it is not. Why sex? Besides, if they aren't following the casual/immediate pleasure route, they have already waited for some time. Their act is sanctified by their own bonds and needs no marriage to make it more so.</p>
<p>I want to jump in the casual sex vs. relationship sex debate.</p>
<p>People who choose to have casual sex tend to have less respect for the act itself, and often themselves and/or future partners. </p>
<p>A handful of my guy friends view girls as literal objects, and always say things like "I'm gettin laid tonight!", "Im about to mack on her"... it makes me wonder if they will ever have a serious relationship. When I talk to them about it, they wave me away and say a relationship is is the last thing they're looking for, because "WHY GET INVOLVED IN DRAMA? IT'S TOO EASY TO GET LAID!"</p>
<p>It's not right for anyone to condemn casual sex, everyone makes their own choices.</p>
<p>However... love is not the underlying problem here, but the fact that humans are habitual animals. Viewing casual sex as normal is dangerous.</p>
<p>STDs are the physical consequences.
The emotional consequences to both of the people in the relationship are important too.</p>
<p>It's hard to see couples that marry each other both as virgins these days.
Many virgin women marry men, knowing about his sexual past... And can't help but feel insecure and inadequate for not having experiences of her own. She will most likely feel cheated, since she kept herself 'pure'. In this case... the no-premarital-sex brainwashing will cause MORE problems than if both partners had an experience(s) in their past.</p>
<p>Being safe, knowledgeable and respectful to our bodies is the best option, sexually active or not.
Yet... the world revolves around religion in one way or another. Will there ever be a balance..</p>