<p>For years, I believed the Catholic mantra "no sex before marriage." But now, I don't really see the point of it anymore (for this and for many other reasons, I separated myself from the Catholic Church). Do I really need to save myself for marriage? I don't even plan on getting married (umm, I can't) ... I also no longer feel the need to save myself for "the one." I'm skeptical that an offer of virginity would make our relationship that much special, or even special at all. He will have likely had sex anyway, so why should I hold back? I'm thinking why not just try it for the experience (as long as it's safe)? I've been hesitant to say yes, but deep down, I know that I have the urge to finally have sex. I don't love him, but we are attracted to each other. I want to clarify that this is just a one-time thing, and I don't plan on making random hook-ups a habit. </p>
<p>I know that I will ultimately make the choice on my own, but my purpose for writing is to ask for advice... to help me weigh the pros and cons of either decision. I'm sure many of you have been confronted with the same problem. Thanks.</p>
<p>ok lady, you come to a college discussion website to ask us if you should have sex or not, just when i thought i saw just about everything... this rolls by, wow. All i have to say for you is.. somethings are just ment to be personal decisions.</p>
<p>If you have to ask random strangers about whether to have sex, you are ambivalent about what to do, and in that case, the best thing to do is to not have sex until you can decide to have sex without getting others' opinions.</p>
<p>"somethings are just ment to be personal decisions"-- Strike two</p>
<p>Yes, it's a personal decision, and I acknowledged that. However, history has taught me that I can learn from the mistakes of others.</p>
<p>I feel an incredible sense of guilt, and I don't even know why. Probably from being a Catholic for 17 years. Omg, is that like Satan's voice telling me to have sex?</p>
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For years, I believed the Catholic mantra "no sex before marriage." But now, I don't really see the point of it anymore (for this and for many other reasons, I separated myself from the Catholic Church). Do I really need to save myself for marriage?
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<p>Saving sex for marriage is not just a Catholic or Christian choice. Many religions also regularly teach chastity until marriage. And many atheists or agnostics have made a personal decision to not have sex until marriage as well, regardless of not having a "higher authority" or doctrine suggesting that they don't.</p>
<p>It's not just a "Christian" or even religious choice. It's a very deeply personal decision. </p>
<p>I grew up going to Catholic middle and high schools, and many of my Catholic friends and classmates did have premarital sex anyway, by the way.</p>
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I feel an incredible sense of guilt, and I don't even know why.
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<p>If you feel guilty, don't do it. You obviously have control over when and how you want your first time to be. So it shouldn't be done with any sense of guilt or apprehension. You should feel you're making the right decision. </p>
<p>If you want to learn from other people's mistakes, it's pretty clear that many people make the mistake of not having a good first time, because the timing or the other person or themselves just wasn't "right." So if I were you I would think about it longer before deciding to just go and do it.</p>
<p>Being eighteen and a virgin isn't that big a deal, despite what people might lead you to believe. You're not a big dork for being a virgin.</p>
<p>The fact that you are asking for other people's opinions mean you are DEFINITELY not mature enough to handle sex. </p>
<p>It doesn't matter if you believe in sex before marriage or not. Big whores, virgins, whatever...anyone who has sex with someone they don't love just for the "experience" regrets it. </p>
<p>If you want to feel worthless, empty, lonely, and morally hollow, then by all means have sex with this person you are "attracted" to. </p>
<p>I am attracted to lots of people, and that doesn't mean I have sex with them. I suspect you have been brainwashed into thinking you can only have sex before marriage and that anything else is dirty and wrong (hence the guilt) and after giving up your religion (another sign of fanatical brainwashing) you have become a typical teenage rebel and will now do anything, no matter how stupid, to distance yourself from your oppressive family rules. A better way to solve this problem would be to research other religions and lifestyles and decide what you feel is appropriate for your own life.</p>
<p>despite what you might wish, that fact that you have been a catholic for 18 years and have lived by this "rule" for that long means that it is imbedded in you. no matter what you do, you will always feel like you are betraying yourself. as a girl, having pre-marital sex is such a bigger deal than it is for guys of course. i went to a catholic grade school and catholic high school, but i never really bought into that stuff. i've had sex multiple times but i don't feel bad about it at all. does this make me a bad person: no, not at all. but from what you and others have said, it hardly seems like you are ready for it. doing it just to "not feel pressured anymore" is not a legitimate reason to have sex for you. wait until you love someone, or if you still believe in it, wait until you are married to give your "gift." i would tell you to wait until you are ready, but i don't think you should wait till marriage. you have to be mature about this.</p>
<p>And therefore, not being gay, I have zero input as to what your decision should actually be. I would pass along the information, however, that sex can be both extremely meaningul to some people and couples, and a simple, almost emotionless physical act to others. You (and hopefully, your partner) will have to decide what is right for you. There aren't any substantial 'changes' to your core being after you lose your virginity - and if you're safe about it, there don't have to be any substantial physical implications either. It's up to you.</p>
<p>If I've learned one thing about sex, it's this: it feels great before and during no matter what, but after, it feels hollow and empty if it's with someone you don't have deep-seated feelings for. On the other hand, if it is with someone you do care about deeply, there's really no more satisfying feeling in this world.</p>
<p>oh, and use protection unless you're in a committed relationship.</p>
<p>thanks for pointing that out. i thought noone had noticed the OP was gay. haha.</p>
<p>anyway, to the OP, i think you should do what you want. don't let other sway you. in my opinion, there is no real pro or con that matter. i mean, it's all relative. what may be a con for some is a pro for others and vice versa.</p>
<p>do what you want, not what you think others would approve of.</p>
<p>I don't think being a virgin is a big deal. Sex usually derives to be random, if you don't ever receive it, oh well, it's not the end of the universe.</p>
<p>I never said there was anything wrong with being a virgin, but for a long time, I've questioned my decision to stay one. I no longer see the purpose.</p>
<p>Rule #1
DON'T EVER TELL A GUY STRAIGHT OUT THAT YOU'RE A VIRGIN, no matter if you're a guy, girl, gay, straight, or bi, because the minute you let them know the first thing on their mind is going to be to get into your pants, just because they're going to want to pop a person's cherry! DONT EVEN TELL GUYS YOU'RE DATING.</p>
<p>I DOn't think you should plan to have sex, like you planned not to have sex(back when you were catholic). YOu should go with the flow of nature and if timing is right and it happens and you feel comfortable you should do it.</p>
<p>This is coming from a virgin as well, but prior to even ever giving head to guys, i did'nt think it would matter to give head to a guy or two, but once you start doing sexual stuff, you don't put value to it as much, and you start to rack up a large number of guys on your list. even my female friend who has never had penetration sex doesn't put value to giving head to a guy, just because she's already done it, and there's no big deal to it.</p>
<p>i think you should only do something when you're ready. the fact that you asked us for input, it shows that you're unsure about it and insecure. and you're trying to find an overwhelming number of people to give you an answer, but is this the answer you would want?</p>
<p>why don't you ask yourself this, "do i really want to have sex and give up my virginity for anyone, anytime or am i doing this because i don't have to save it anymore?"</p>
<p>i think you should only do something when you're ready. the fact that you asked us for input, it shows that you're unsure about it and insecure. and you're trying to find an overwhelming number of people to give you an answer, but is this the answer you would want?</p>
<p>why don't you ask yourself this, "do i really want to have sex and give up my virginity for anyone, anytime or am i doing this because i don't have to save it anymore?"</p>
<p>the thread title implies that you want to have sex just because you are an adult. I think that you should wait until you are ready to do it. and it doesn't matter if you don't feel ready before you get married. I personally don't think that waiting is bad thing.</p>