Prep boarding School Bond and Network ... How Tight??

Prep School Admissions
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<p>I feel like that prep school kids always tend to stick together out in the Real World. </p>

<p>Whenever I attend summer camps and summer schools, I'd meet someone from other fellow boarding school that I play sports against or my siblings attend, right? And we would like instantly bond!! It's so weird. Like, I went to Brown summer and Cornell summer, and there we see each other's sweatshirts and were all like, "do you go to Hotchkiss? I go to Deerfield!.. My brother goes to Milton! OMG, my dad went there!!" I found that there was just this instant bond among us, WHEREVER I was. I always found myself hanging out in some clique comprised of boarding school friends.
Someone has also told me that this will happen even worse when I go to college.</p>

<p>Is that really true? Does attending a prestigious boarding school lead to establishing sort of a special bond among prep school kids you meet in the future? If so, does that bond get me anywhere? Like, kind of the way that alumni network is helpful, you know? </p>

<p>Okay, personally, I feel a huge pride about going to one of the best boarding schools in NE. I just love my school, and I know that my experience is far more unique and different than attending some random public school. So when I see someone who went to other schools in my league(similar schools to my own) out there in the real world, I feel like I'm seeing my own classmates or something. Deerfield, St. Pauls, Middlesex, Exeter, whatever. You know that there aren't that many of us, and it just makes me feel so happy to see them, and we just become friends instantly. </p>

<p>Does anyone understand what I'm saying, or am I being crazy?</p>

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<p>... Xd....</p>

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<p>^ Okay. From your answer, I assume you think I was just being spastic. Hmmm, maybe this was a bad question after all.
But I was being really honest! And this is how all my friends feel like. Perhaps, we were just being high-schoolish.</p>

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<p>Yuk. I know you're just being enthusiastic, but it sounds really snobby to me.</p>

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<p>o0o0 i totally get what you are saying. plus, there is nothing absolutely wrong with being in a clique. well, at least if you're clique isn't mean. which i shouldnt be talking cause one of my bff's makes other girls cry....multiple times. it's okay. you are a special group of people. not many people go to boarding school,especially top ones.it's like when asians stick together, i find it completely normal (not being racist, i am asian. but i look white cause i have a white father, plus my mom has more whitish features than normal).</p>

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<p>I understand what your saying...but I'm the kind of person that can fit in wherever I go because I've experienced so much different stuff. But ya I totally see where your coming from, but I don't like to get caught up into that "My school is my life" sort of mentality. </p>

<p>One of the reasons I'm leaving my school, they think we're so great when we are really not that special. We do some stuff that is very unique...but its just not THAT amazing. But no one knows outside of the little box...that's the box that I don't want to get into. Im like you think we're great...look at NE boarding schools. Then shut up.</p>

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<p>I agree with the mentality that you shouldn't just be able to adapt to wherever you go, but always be the type of person to have the best experience wherever you go. Now, if you believe the best experience will be with people who have attended prep schools, go for it. Plus, prep school = elite, so of course it's going to SEEM cliquish. I've come to realize though that elite and cliquish are not the same thing, although they can depending on your intent. Elite is a drive to be 'the best or most skilled members of a group.' Whereas cliquish is 'a small exclusive group of friends or associates.' You may have a clique of the elite, but you can easily go to camp, be elite due to your prep school ties and be in a clique of diversely educated people. [definitions from answers.com to further make whimsical point.]</p>

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<p>My question wasn't intended to stimulate a discussion regarding cliques. I know not all cliques are bad, similar people stick together, they can be exclusive, high schools love it, blah blah. </p>

<p>I just wanted to know if anybody else had experienced this - what I am going through - maybe any parents who have attended these boarding schools? Just anyone older who can explain to me the impact of attending prep schools later on their lives? </p>

<p>My school emphasizes a whole lot on "network." You know those alumni networks; every school has an alumni office who contacts the former graduates and ask for mad amount of donations... They also can pull connections for any job offerings, internship opportunities, etc. They're very useful. </p>

<p>Prep schools ARE elite. And elite people only like themselves. So they only hang out with each other. (This statement is obviously oversimplified) Is that why? Yeah, I agree, Parlabane, that what I said above can sound snobby. But that's part of the whole thing.</p>

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<p>Could be, but that whole oversimplified part I think is vital to such a great generalization. With my definition of elite, I don't think it's the case. I mean, I really don't care if my friends want to constantly improve themselves as long as they are interesting to start out with. I think it's just because you share many similar experiences so you are alike in many regards. People stick with what they know, and if they enjoyed it in the past, there isn't any reason to changer.</p>

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<p>this happens to international kids. a LOT. XD
especially the ones in "upper tier" int'l schools
i think if you attend a well-regarded prep school, usually there is this circle of unity amongst other prep goers, the way you might bond with someone from the same state as you in some far-off summer program in papa new guinea. </p>

<p>but because of that, it's easier to make friends outside of your already-made circle friends. summer camps i made friends with everyone not because they were all prep kids but because they gave me confidence to talk to every/anyone i wanted to</p>

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<p>poss791...here's what you learn later in life: that there are rare moments when you would ever discuss boarding school with another adult. If the situation happens to be right and you're not around others, then maybe. And it certainly can be a fun conversation. </p>

<p>Mostly you realize that there are tons of amazing people, we'll call them the rest of humanity, who will be far more outstanding than you in your chosen career, sport, hobby etc. And where did these people go to School? Sniff, sniff - one of those "random public schools" you dismissed so haughtily. The great preponderance of famous authors, athletes, businessmen, politicians, cultural icons of one sort of another did NOT go to boarding school.</p>

<p>A boarding school grad realizes that the experience was a gift, one that can open up some additional doors in life (but ONLY if the grad is actually skilled and nice to be around) and taught some amazing life lessons. But by and large, to the rest of the world, it's an experience that screams "I'm rich, elite and snobby" - even if you were a scholarship kid. If you're wise poss791, you'll keep it to yourself (unless you're at a BS reunion or something). Otherwise, you'll make most people want to gag. Be modest.</p>

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<p>Poss791</p>

<p>I'm a Parent. I don't attend BS. I GET what you are saying.</p>

<p>I attended a small liberal arts college. NOT a "little ivy." I BOND automatically with those who went to my college or a college peer.</p>

<p>For me it is very exciting when someone has heard of my school because it is small and doesn't recruit. So </p>

<ol>
<li><p>I am comforted by finding the familiar in another. A small piece of home in a new environment.</p></li>
<li><p>It is an ice-breaker in a crowd. As you said, if you see someone in a sweatshirt proudly bearing the school name you begin to talk with them.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>I think this behavior is natural. You will find it throughout your life, however you may be surprised to discover 20 years from now it isn't a school sweatshirt that breaks the ice but instead a crayon drawing shoved in your notebook at a business meeting and then your off disucssing kids.</p>

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<p>I have to admit that the original post was extremely off-putting to me - I even entertained the thought that it was a subversive troll post by someone who was mocking boarding schools. I hope there aren't many students who feel that only other prep-school kids are worth bonding with (even at Brown Summer and Cornell Summer?!!). Time to break out of your cocoon and broaden your horizons.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
There are rare moments when you would ever discuss boarding school with another adult. Mostly you realize that there are tons of amazing people, we'll call them the rest of humanity, who will be far more outstanding than you in your chosen career, sport, hobby etc. And where did these people go to School? Sniff, sniff - one of those "random public schools" you dismissed so haughtily...

[/quote]

THANK YOU, Parlabane!!! I really appreciate what you said. Your answer was exactly what I was looking for and what I needed to hear!!! :D</p>

<p>
[quote]
1. I am comforted by finding the familiar in another. A small piece of home in a new environment.</p>

<ol>
<li>It is an ice-breaker in a crowd. As you said, if you see someone in a sweatshirt proudly bearing the school name you begin to talk with them.

[/quote]

Notnim, I'm so glad you understood me. Guys, I really didn't mean to sound snobby. Come on, we ARE in an online prep school forum where everyone here is affiliated with one or two?

[quote]
I hope there aren't many students who feel that only other prep-school kids are worth bonding with (even at Brown Summer and Cornell Summer?!!).

[/quote]

I'm afraid that is in fact how a lot of us feel. ESPECIALLY at Brown and Cornell Summer.
I don't like to bash on my friends and my own kindred, but I adamantly believe that prep school kids are the most judgmental and exclusive kind to the point of being GROSS AND DISGUSTING. It could be that they are still sophomoric high school children who are wrapped around in their own bubble. Actually, a lot of them are really nice and have no issue with hanging out with some urban minority kid from Bronx as long as he is cool. But there is this strange mannerism that they all stick to. From clothing to looks to family names, they gotta have everything WASP and "right." More J.Crew, Lily, and Brooks Brothers, the better. More colors of polos you own, the more fashionable they are. The blonder and straighter their hair is, it's prettier. More WASPy-famous and Mayflowerish(and unItalian and unIrish) their last and middle name sound, the more respect they could get. Where do you vacation? And you have to say Marthas Vineyard, the Cape, or somewhere in Maine. This is the experience at my top boarding school, and by no means it is unique. It's pretty ubiquitous, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, then you probably don't go to one of those top BS.
Grejuni, it's only natural that my original post can be a little off-putting if you don't come from this environment I suffer and suffocate in every day.</li>
</ol>

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<p>I think maybe its like because you have something in common with the other kids, it's easier for you to bond.</p>

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<p>Poss791 .... everything you said about the type of kids you hang with, the Lilly, Brooks Brothers, "where do you vacation crowd"....those kinds of kids and that kind of attitude make me want to barf....I cannot stand being around people like that. No offense, but you've basically laid out the reason why I don't want to be a part of that New England snobby boarding school thing. I want to go to school in California.</p>

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<p>California!! AWESOME! I'm a SoCal girl! But be warned, we are superficial, mean, and just as bad as those east coasters. Also, practically everyone gets a nose job for their 16th birthday. Are you currently on the east coast?</p>

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<p>poss791....the kinds of people you talk about at the NE boarding schools make me finger-down-the-throat sick...I really hope that you're only talking about a small number of students. The kinds of kids who judge people by their clothes and where they go in the summer are the EXACT reason why i want to go to school in California.</p>

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<p>Sorry Poss 791 for sending my note twice. I didn't see it post the first time so I thought I had made a mistake and needed to rewrite it.</p>

<p>Yeah, I'm an East Coaster thingslost. I just didn't get the snobbed out feeling when I visited Thacher, but I'm sure there are a ton of shallow people in the whole Hollywood LA area too. The outdoors aspect of Thacher and the horses must make the kids there less interested in the whole pink and green Lilly / Brroks Brothersv thing. I didn't see any of that when I was there and didn't get the feeling that people put other people down for what they wear and where they go on vacation.</p>

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<p>Great!
east-vs-west, I'm glad that I could provide you with some personal, first-hand experience of top NE boarding school and help you solidify your decision. By no means 100% of us follows the phenomenon I explained above, but it's the good majority. I can assure you that. If you feel so fervently disgusted by it as you expressed, then I strongly advise you to NOT COME HERE. Lots of people like you do not survive here and end up leaving in tears - really smart and talented people who just crack under social pressure.</p>

<p>(by the way, did you completely miss out on what thingslost said up there??)

[quote]
But be warned, we are superficial, mean, and just as bad as those east coasters. Also, practically everyone gets a nose job for their 16th birthday.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I must say that this whole jugmentality thing IS a ubiquitous thing that you will find among any high-school teenagers, particularly around wealthier places. Therefore, it's kind of an ignorant and funny thing for you to say that "kids who judge people by their clothes and where they go in the summer" will not exist in California. Hahaha. True, it's probably more pronounced on East Coast BS, but it's also not pure arrogance and condescension. It's just that a large contingency of prep school students come from a similar social and financial background, and things I explained above like Martha's Vineyard and Cape are just normal to them. It doesn't necessarily render them as "snobby."</p>