<p>@solidiquis I think your opinion and judgment it very helpful! I’m new here and I would love it if you could check my essay out too? Thanks! :)</p>
<p>Im sorry for the necro, but I really feel that many people can learn from this, so I would like to be more precise in what i feel made this essay so “mediocre” or what the adcom doesn’t want to read. I’m no expert, and this is by no means a comprehensive criticism, but here goes: </p>
<p>The way you started the essay off. It seemed like you were trying too hard to be generic, whic is the exact opposite of what you want; you want the people to see uniqueness, and that is precisely what your first sentence does not do. Basically, your first sentence is a first impression. </p>
<p>The rest of your essay basically follows your first sentence, so if you changed your first sentence, the rest of your essay may follow suit. </p>
<p>Wow - I think the comments above essentially capture it. By definition, your family is actually not your “primary set of surroundings”… </p>