My ex husband is refusing to pay for my sons private high school even after I begged him to just stay with with and go to public school .He insisted that going to a private school in NYC( Xaverian) ( I live in CT ) would give him a leg up in life .Fast forward to now ,and his father hasnt paid one dime to his senior year.We are now almost 6 months after graduation and still no transcripts .My son now 18 lives with me and my husband again but we are military and dont have the 20,000 to pay off the school .What are my options for him ?? I guess I could sue my ex but that would cost money and time lots of time and I feel like my poor sons life is at a stand still .on a side note my ex lives in a 3 million dollar apt Columbia .Maybe a GED ?? but how dumb is that going to a private high school for four years and getting a GED .
Has your son kept up a relationship with his dad, and has your son explained to your dad that his life is at a standstill until he completes HS?
You need to,work out a payment plan with the HS. Your son attended, and money is owed. Of your son lived with you, really, you could have withdrawn him at any time and enrolled him in the public school…when you realized you were paying the full bill. HS is four years long…surely you saw the handwriting on the wall,after one year.
Go to the school…and see what you can do.
In the meantime, your son can take courses at a community college…no HS degree required.
He could also take the GED test.
" in NYC( Xaverian) ( I live in CT ) would give him a leg up in life " - even as NYC has absolutely awesome publics like Stuyvesant, LaGuardia, Brooklyn Tech,…etc. Both of my grand kids are at the great publics in NYC. One will apply to colleges next year.
Pretty much water under the bridge at this point as her son is a senior.
@MiamiDAP the OP lives in CT. Her kid cannot attend those excellent publics in NYC unless she is a resident there.
And it looks like the student graduated HS in June 2015.
Can you clarify?
When the decision to attend the pricey school was made, were you already divorced? If not, was anything put in the divorce decree?
Did your H pay for some of son’s years there, and then suddenly stop paying during the senior year?
Can your ex afford this cost or was this one of those short-sighted decisions that he made w/ little thought as to how it would get paid?
Maybe you can ask the school to contact him and demand payment.
Your son may be able to start at a CC…some don’t require anything but being 18.
You can’t come up with $20K between two families yet the kid attended private school for 4 years? Any college fund saved at all? How about using part of that first so he could move on?
^^
Likely if there was a college fund available, that would have been used towards this debt.
Sounds like the mom has paid “her share” and the ex never paid his for senior year.
However, there is still a roadblock in that many four year schools (including some Connecticut public universities) require high school transcripts for all transfer applicants. But some schools like ECSU do not require high school transcripts from transfer applicants with sufficient college credit.
I agree with @thumper1 . It totally sucks, but if you look to your ex to solve this, it’s your son who suffers. Good luck!
- Pay a lawyer for a consult.
- Would your son consider military service as an option?
What did your divorce agreement say?
I would consult with a lawyer specializing in these matters to see what your options are regarding compelling payment from the son’s father.
While I may be wrong, It is my understanding that IDEALLY once both parents agreed on sending a child to private school in divorce cases, both are legally on the hook to pay for it barring some exceptions such as extreme financial hardship…and that doesn’t seem to be the case if the father’s living in a $3 million apartment.
Even with this, litigating cases can take a long time even if you have a strong case so you may also need to examine alternative options including some proposed here by other cc contributors.
Considering he’s a senior who has already graduated and the family doesn’t live in NYC, a nonstarter at this point as application for entry are only accepted in 8th grade for entry into 9th grade or 9th grade for entry into 10th grade.
Not to mention as good as those publics are and despite my being an alum of one of them, those schools aren’t a good fit for every student who qualifies for admission…and that’s assuming they scored high enough on the exam to qualify in the first place.
@cobrat, it is rare that the private school
Expense is written into a divorce agreement. The OP doesn’t say so, so it almost surely wasn’t.
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However, there is still a roadblock in that many four year schools (including some Connecticut public universities) require high school transcripts for all transfer applicants.
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There are enough that don’t.
Sounds like maybe the child and the father had a falling out? otherwise why would he stop paying unless he had a financial setback.
The child was under 18 during much of that senior year, correct? Or did the dad stop paying once the child turned 18? Did the dad pay child support that was in addition to his share of the tuition?
BTW…did dad go to the graduation? (just curious…there seems to be an unspoken backstory here).
What’s to stop the mom from now claiming that she home-schooled the kid and creating her own transcript based on grades he got in high school? ha ha…I really don’t know…just wondering. With a home-schooled transcript and good SAT or ACT scores, that may get him going onto college.
In the meantime, I’d have him take some CLEP tests and earn some credits. Does he have AP credits?
I do enrollment/financial aid work at a private school. Tuition obligations are outlined in divorce agreements more of ten than one would think. Who signed the annual enrollment contract? Mom? Dad? both? If dad’s signature is on the contract, you might want to check with a lawyer about getting him to pay up. I’m surprised Xaverian hasn’t sent the outstanding balance to collections by now.
If he will want to apply for federal financial aid, he will need a high school diploma or a GED. So, he should take a crack at the GED. A GED will make some colleges/universities possible for him. However many will ask for his HS transcripts as well as the GED results, so he needs to carefully verify what the policy is at each place he applies to once he does have the GED.
Even if the Dad is obligated to pay the private HS tuition owed, I would try to set up a payment schedule and get it paid asap. Unfortunately, your S is caught between a rock and a hard place. Some one needs to get that dept paid so he can apply to college (assuming he wants to).