<p>But what's new?</p>
<p>Anyway, sorry for the vent ahead. I have been lurking CC since--what--sophomore year of high school? I will be the first to admit that I am by no stretch of the imagination a genius. While I like to read and write and learn--and while I did well in high school and am doing fairly well in college--I've never been "CC kid" caliber. And that's fine, I suppose. </p>
<p>What has been eating at me, though, is how I am able to somehow deceive my professors into thinking I'm smart and that the papers I write say anything new. I go to a respectable school, I guess you could say, but I'm sure it's one people here might stick their noses up at. And I couldn't even get a 30+ composite on the ACT...so yeah, I'm really not the smartest, as you can see. So I could easily accept that my A's papers and glowing comments might be C's at best at, say, Princeton or Amherst. Fine. I just wish it were easier to see right through me so I wouldn't have to feel so low about being such a fake.</p>
<p>Today marks the beginning of finals week. Usually I around this time I suffer from debilitating stomachaches, but they have been relatively tame so far. Instead, I have to deal with this nagging feeling of not being good enough, knowing I'm not good enough, and yet still being disgusting enough to convince people that I am. I somehow would rather have the pains. At least I can sleep through those. </p>
<p>Blah, this is all over the place, I apologize. I should have been more articulate.</p>
<p>Oh, and I know it doesn’t matter now, but my SATs were pitiful (mostly math, but my other scores were meh). Like, if you saw them, you’d wonder how I could succeed at anything. No, I’m not going to share them. Just know they were bad. Sure, I did better on the ACTs, but I think that was luck. And that’s another reason I feel like a huge fraud. If an objective test measures me as meh, then how can I really be any good?</p>
<p>
Do you believe this about other people with low (by your standards) standardized test scores, or just yourself?</p>
<p>Just myself. I can usually find good qualities in just about anyone, whether they are in the 50th or 99th percentile. When it comes to myself, though, well, not so much.</p>
<p>Surely you must know that a really good SAT score only indicates that you’re really good at taking the SAT. Some of the best schools in the country are SAT/test optional because there are incredibly intelligent, competent students who can succeed in college but get tripped up by a stupid 3 hour test dreamed up by the folks at College Board. Similarly, there are kids who do very, very well on the SAT and ACT but do not have the work ethic or drive to succeed in college and end up screwing up somewhere down the line. A 4 digit number can only carry you so far. </p>
<p>Do you really think you’re deceiving your professors? Professors teach at multiple schools of varying caliber - I have professors who came to my school after a stint teaching at a community college, and I have professors who taught at Ivy League institutions before coming here. Most use the same syllabus for all of their classes at different schools. If you were passing in C level work, you’d be getting C level grades. You aren’t tricking anyone; you just don’t believe in your own abilities. </p>
<p>Stop thinking about whether or not your essay would get an A if it was submitted in an English class at Harvard. You aren’t at Harvard - you’re at your own school, with your own professors, who have their own standards and expectations. You rise to meet them. If you were going to Harvard, it’d be the same case; you’d meet the expectations set out in the class. You are smart. You’ve proven this to your professors. This is apparent to your peers. Stop beating yourself up over it - be proud.</p>
<p>And if it makes you feel any better, I’m not a “CC kid” either, yet here I am… with over 3,000 posts… </p>
<p>Good luck on finals. </p>