I am in a fraternity, so i know about this personally:
Pro:
Service oriented (charitable work). We helped out at a charity every semester.
Formal meals/events – learning how to eat formally, be polite, etc. (social training)
Chapters have meetings, so you learn how to behave in a formal meeting… how meetings work.
Support network (in an array of areas – school, social, meals, etc.)
Networking
Social scene/parties
Opportunitues for leadership
Con:
Dues ($$)
Parties, if you don’t know how to handle yourself. (on the bright side, you have a lot more friends there to help you out, than you would if you went to a house party with a few dorm mates)
You have to reserve time for studying, and if you put the social calendar first, school could take a hit. Also, being in a leadership position, while great experience, is a time commitment.
I wouldn’t count “lifelong friendships” as a pro or con of Greek life, that’s a result of an individual’s friendmaking ability in the college years and interest in maintaining such relationships over time.
Many of us have old friends from college despite not having gone Greek.
The sisterhood business kind of creeps me out, I admit. Why would I find friends among a group of women selected the way sororities accept members, rather than in my dorm, clubs, sports team, theater group, band, dance group, whatever? It makes zero sense to me.
I get that people do in fact make lifelong friends in Greek orgs, but so do those who choose not to join, or (like me) choose a college where they don’t exist at all.
Sure you can have a group of friends from dorms and clubs and sports teams (if you are on one). Do you? I had one close friend from college who wasn’t in my sorority. He died. Now I can’t think of one friend from college who I have contact with who wasn’t in my sorority, except my brother and former SIL. Former roommates? No. Friends from clubs? Nope.
I had lots of friends from the dorm and we exchanged Christmas cards (and even letters during the years-old school) for a few years but then they drifted away. One of my sororities sisters transferred after 2 years, and she’s still in our circle of friends, comes to our reunions, visits when in town. I overlapped with her for one year, yet I’ve visited her in Wash DC and San Francisco, and I went to her wedding. Many of my sorority sister were not close friends while we were in college and we did very few activities together. Over the years we connected or reconnected because of friends, alum groups, living in the same area of the country, or shared interests. The sorority keeps records of where people are and will provide names and addresses just for the asking. I know our school alumni association will NOT give out the list of who lived on the second floor of Brown Hall in 1976 or all the members of the Ski Club for 1978.
Why can you find friends among the very select group your college picks for you to associate with for 4 years, puts into different dorm rooms or majors? Life just kind of works that way, that you find friends from the small groups made from the larger groups, often culled in random ways. Some of it is self selection in that you join groups because you have an interest and others do the same, so you find yourself in a group with other people with the same interests. Sororities aren’t all that selective, and it is just as likely I’d find a group of friends if I was in Sorority A as in Sorority B. No different if you were in Dorm A or Dorm B.
My sorority wasn’t large, but we were quite diverse. There was me, who could barely find the money to pay for school and there were other members who had attended Miss Porter’s School and had been debutantes. We had an unusually large number of engineering students (back in the day when not many women were in engineering) but we also had several journalists, recreation majors, dancers, music majors. It is unlikely I would have had much interaction with them if not for the sorority. I would have stayed in my area of campus, taking humanities classes, joining arts and sciences clubs, never really meeting a music major or engineer.
I don’t think either of my kids will remain friends with their sorority sisters. They weren’t as active and just viewed the experience as thing to do in college. For me, it was much more long term.
That could be said for drinking, partying, date rape. They do occur with or without Greek life in college.
Dartmouth does not allow any student to rush until they have been on campus for 3 semester, which for most students is their sophomore year, by then they have already made friends outside of Greek life. My kids’ school is after a semester, which also gives them a chance to form friendships outside of Greek life first.
My kids went to a large U, 13K+ students. The Greek life made the campus smaller for them. They got to live and socialize with people they would have wanted to be with anyway. When they lived in the sorority housing sophomore year, their overall costs were lower than living on campus. When they studied abroad their sorority dues were minimum.
Both of my kids loved their sorority experience. My kids didn’t pick their school because of Greek life, but they joined because many of their close friends were joining and they liked what it had to offer.
I wouldn’t have said that if I didn’t. I do. I live far from the others I’m thinking of, but we get together at least once a year. One was a roommate, one was in a class, we all became friends and maid of honored each other’s weddings etc etc. My college didn’t have Greek life at all.
Consider that the reason you don’t have any longtime friends from outside your sorority is…because you joined a sorority. Had you not chosen to join one, you’d have had more time and social energy for friends from clubs,teams, dorm and everywhere else. I don’t judge your choice at all, but you should know that lifelong friendships are made by non-Greeks too
Heck, I have a close group of high school friends I get together with regularly, and we all live in different states so it’s an effort for us, but we do it.
Of course. Never said they didn’t.
However, there is a higher incidence of these things in Greek - fraternity really - houses. That’s just a fact.
Really and interesting post and controversial topic not only here on CC but also across America. I’m in a fraternity at a large state school in California. Ultimately my experience has been positive but there’s been some bumps along the way.
Pros:
Instant group of people to belong with: Once you’re apart of a house it’s like an instant group of friends. You won’t be friends with everyone (something I have personally experienced) you’ll find a group that you’ll click with and be friends with the rest of your life. Ive roomed and will room with one of my pledge bros again this year
Networking: the alumni I have gotten to meet and connect with are major donors to our school and those connections have definitely helped navigate my school and at my internship as well.
Social life: The parties are a blast, social events with sororities is so much more fun than the media portrays. Plus it’s like joining a club with the rest of the Greek community.
Test bank: that’s been super clutch when there’s a test avaible. Con is there’s like no engineers in my chapter so it mainly benefits the biz Econ majors. Oh well
Cons:
Cost: my parents were familiar with the Greek system but did not join. When deciding what bids to accept I knew how much each house costed in terms of “dues” but what I didn’t know was all the hidden fees lol. From different party themes to dry cleaning to retreat costs and just going in weekend trips the $2,800 it costs a year as a live out (someone who doesn’t live in the house) quickly ballooned to over $4,000 for the year. Is it worth it? That will depend on the person. Just be aware that membership dues usually doesn’t include any optional trips etc.
Cliques: this will vary. My fraternity is one of the largest on campus and a consequence of that is you’re not gonna be friends with everyone and not everyone will like you. It bothered me a lot (like a lot) at first because I thought if we were brothers we’d all be friends but that’s just a fallacy. I typically only really hang out with about 20 guys in the house I really get along with.
Hazing: all national fraternities officially ban hazing. All I’m gonna say is pledging is the most fun you never want to have again. :) though I’ve never been in a position where mine or someone else’s life was in danger.
Yeah so overall I wouldn’t do anything different but greek life isn’t for everyone. Hope this helps and feel free to dm me for more details.
