<p>Yes, "support" is a better word, you're right. Support, encourage, motivate, etc. </p>
<p>wjb...so far as I've noticed she does not have those physiological responses. Not the excessive sweating or the nausea, for sure; I'd have noticed that before her job interviews since I drove her to both. I'd have to ask her about the rapid heartrate. Her hands get a bit cold & clammy, but nothing that seems out of the ordinary. I will definitely ask her about it, though, and thank you for the info!</p>
<p>lunitari--</p>
<p>I respect that each parent knows his or her child better than any poster on CC. I have a close friend who had a child with a very similar problem with the idea of interviews. The mother mentioned this to me. I asked if she would mind if I spoke to him. Since her son and I know each other personally, the mom said ok.</p>
<p>I basically mentioned the issues in the real world econonmic context. It was like a light bulb went off. The mom and a year later the boy told me that this had made a difference because the boy hadn't really thought about what it would mean to have that "extra" amount and the parents were embarassed to talk in blunt concepts about finances. </p>
<p>BTW--he did not receive that scholarship but did get an equal one from another school.</p>
<p>I also say you should push a little. She will meet others who are also excited but nervous. Although some will be trying to cover up with bravado, there will be others who will open up about the same fears. My S did this 3 years ago but he was not shy, so it's not the same situation. What I can add is that generally there is at least one student on the interview committee that she can focus on as more of a peer who was recently in her place. She can ask, "Were you as nervous as I am when you did this?" and I think she will hear some reassuring comments to get her started.</p>
<p>I'd push her. I'd also prep her, and you've already gotten some great prep advice. It might not work out, but the more she goes out there beyond her comfort zone, the more comfortable she'll get. It may not get her the scholarship, but it will help her in other things. She'll be that much more comfortable in her college speech class, in participating in class discussions, in job interviews, etc. The more you do it, the more comfortable it becomes. I would be very clear with her that I'd be proud with her for just trying, regardless of the outcome.</p>
<p>I was very shy when I was younger. I used to throw up before I gave presentations. But I got over it by just forcing myself to do it. I don't know if just doing it and doing it gets everyone past shyness (I'm still never comfortable in a situation like that), but it worked for me.</p>
<p>I'd suggest watching the videos at the site below. They are interview sessions done with actors where it's pretty easy to see what they did right and what they did wrong. They have an aggressive candidate and a shy candidate and a technical interview. The interviews are for graduates but many of the concepts are applicable to interviews in general.</p>
<p>Interview</a> videos</p>
<p>There are instructional videos at this site on interviewing. These focus on preparation and execution.</p>
<p>Classic</a> Job Interview Questions | Job Interview Videos - Monster.co.uk</p>
<p>My son went through these videos and reviewed research on the company, how to answer common interview questions, general attitude, demeanor, dress, etc. and we followed it up with a mock interview before the real thing.</p>
<p>I agree with the suggestions above to push but provide lots of practice and support.</p>
<p>Two things that have helped me with interviews are to remember that all interviews can be turned into a two-way exchange, and always try to have fun.</p>
<p>The two-way exchange means that you can ask questions too, so you can learn interesting things about this institution that will help you decide if you want to be there. This is a better fit for job interviews than scholarship interviews, but I could still imagine using the scholarship interview to bring up different angles on the college and explore them. These people are representing the college, so they should know a lot about it. The student can't dominate the questions; this is mostly an attitude adjustment that I find helps me relax and look for interesting follow-up questions, so it becomes not just question and answer but question and discussion.</p>
<p>Having fun is important. It's hard when you feel on the spot, but if you go in with the idea that it's a long shot but you might ask well enjoy yourself, the fear goes down and it can actually be a lot of fun. I've interviewed for jobs like this - where I pretty much didn't have a chance, but I got to talk to extremely smart people who were doing very interesting work. Because my expectations were low, it was almost (but not quite) stress-free.</p>
<p>My D needed to interview a number of times last year, including one interview for a full tuition scholarship. As an introverted kid who's a listener rather than talker, she was anxious every time.</p>
<p>Questions that were asked of my D related to her interests and goals, and why she was interested in the particular school. All but one of the interviews turned into a conversation rather than a rigid question/answer format. I suggest your practice sessions with her include: </p>
<p>Academically, why is she choosing a particular field of study…..which courses in HS did she enjoy the most? Why? Does she know what she wants as a future career? If not, she may want to explore various fields of study before making up her mind, ….she can express a curiosity and excitement about different areas of study before deciding on a track. </p>
<p>Talking about her interests. Did she participate in outside activities? Why did she enjoy them? Have her remember a couple of events or incidents that she can relate. If sports, a certain competition…if community service, an event that that had meaning for her in same way. Rather than answering that she did eg. hospital work or library volunteering, worked at a job last summer, have her be able to elaborate on a “for example one day…” I met, did, found out, participated in, organized, enjoyed…something. This will help in keeping things flowing. </p>
<p>Any hobbies or particular talents? My D for example, as a science kid, talked about her photography and other artistic pursuits, and brought along some samples to show. This actually helped her as it was a way to “show” something rather than having to talk about it, and it led to questions and discussion of the photos. As well, it showed her as multidimensional and surprised them as this aspect was not included in her application materials.
Does your D like to read? What book did she particularly like, why? If she's outdoorsy, have her prepare to talk about a particular hike or outing. She will feel more comfortable if she has examples to relate regarding any activities.</p>
<p>Why is she interested in the particular school? How is it a good fit? Small school, collaboration between students and profs, good advising, interesting core, cultural activities, urban or rural setting, large school and its particular opportunities? Do some research on courses offered, particular profs and programs, how this school is different from others, what attracts her.</p>
<p>Prepare some questions. Interviewers always asked “do you have any questions of us?” These can include such things as opportunities to double major, taking courses from different colleges within the school, ease of changing majors, undergraduate research, advising, particular programs, organizations on campus, intramural sports, etc. Have her prepare 2 questions based on what she wants to know or finds out about the school, even if she already basically knows the answer. It will show she has an interest in something particular which will lead to discussion. My D for example wanted research opportunities starting freshman year and knew this school offered that, but asked anyway. The answer though led to new questions about particular research projects. </p>
<p>Interviewers don’t expect all students to be extroverted, talkative and self assured. They know kids can be very nervous and they try to put them at ease. They do not want to intimidate. She won’t be expected to sit there and just talk about herself. She will have cues and questions that will lead her and any preparation will greatly help.</p>
<p>Wow...I'm so glad I started this thread. This was exactly the reality check I needed, and you've given such great advice & suggestions. And videos, even! Many thanks, all of you.</p>
<p>When she <em>has</em> to do something, she always surprises herself. But the fears grow so big in her mind that it's hard for her to see past them to the reality, sometimes.</p>
<p>Important, too, to let her know that it's normal and healthy to be nervous in situations like interviews. That nervousness is due to one's body manufacturing adrenaline to give one the energy to do well.</p>
<p>Being a bit nervous during an interview is helpful and gives one an advantage. In fact, people who seem too calm during an interview may look like they don't care, which is a disadvantage.</p>
<p>Someone's idea for her to tell the interviewers up front that she's a bit shy and nervous is a good idea. That would help put the interviewers in her corner. It also means that they'd interpret her behavior as due to shyness or nervousness, not being due to disliking them, disliking the school or being overconfident.</p>
<p>Important, too for her to realize that the interviewers are not out to embarass or trick her. They probably work for the college, and consequently, like students, and may even have volunteered to serve on the screening committee.</p>
<p>Check the CC archives, too, to see if anyone has ever posted information about what happens in the scholarship interviews for that school. It also may be a good idea to ask for such info in the CC forum on that college.</p>
<p>Each time she does this it will get easier- my DD had to do a phone interview, which is more awkward, for a leadership scholarship- she felt she was not a leader (not student body pres etc) so talked with her GC who pointed out she was a leader every day in the way she led her life (I could hug him!!)...big boost of confidence there and she got the award, has gotten it every year since, has done more phone and in person interviews and even does on stage presentations for the leadership group.</p>
<p>Had she bombed the interview, she would never again had to see/talk to those people, so it was a win-win opportunity to just get better at interviewing & relating to adults & promoting herself.</p>
<p>Definitely encourage her to do it, if only for the experience!</p>
<p>Being terribly shy isnt a quality well suited for someone who wishes to succeed. Dont push her, but tell her she should at least try. There is no harm in giving it a shot, and there is no way to get past the shyness of being interviewed unless you try. What would she do in the future if she were to apply for a job and it requires an interview. You cant just give up on your goals because of a minor obstacle that with, some practice can be overcome. Encourage her to do it, but dont push and dont make her feel bad if she doesnt want to in the end.</p>
<p>I used to be shy, and now I stand on interviewers' desks with a whip. :)</p>
<p>How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice.</p>
<p>
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and then was afraid that he'd have to answer the phone there
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</p>
<p>I thought I was the only one who had this irrational fear!</p>
<p>Push her - she needs to learn how to do interviews sooner or later, and sooner rather than later can only be helpful. This isn't like a fear of skydiving, where you'll never have to do it if you don't want to. I get freaked out by interviews too, but I can't skip them.</p>
<p>First help her with developing and practicing answers to common questions. It doesn't even have to be in an interview setting - just help her realize what her answers would be, then help her with presentation tips.</p>
<p>There are so many wonderful responses here. My favorite is "1 of each"'s response. I agree--you have to show her you believe in her, you won't judge.</p>
<p>Your job is to build her up. Never agree with her when she tells you she can't do something.</p>
<p>She will feel so proud of herself when she walks out of that interview. Make a big, excited response when she is finished, as if getting through that interview was a victory in itself.</p>
<p>I was like your daughter once; having had to go through the process endless times, I now volunteer to train HS kids on interviewing skills.</p>
<p>Here's my best tip for your daughter. Have her think in advance of the talking points around which she'd like to prepare comments. Then, she can fill out the application with text that is likely to generate questions about those specific topics (assuming that the interviewers have her application handy during the interview). Whether or not she gets questions that directly ask her for the answers she's prepared, her approach to the interview should not be to go in blank and answer whatever questions are asked. It should be to find a way to segue from the questions that are asked to the topics she wants to discuss. Once she does this, the interviewers will probably be delighted not to have to keep leading the interview and will generally let her discuss her own agenda, which A) will no doubt be things that reflect particularly well on her candidacy, B) impress them that she cares about and can discuss issues that are important to her, and C) should lower anxiety on her part, since it will all be comments and points that she's practiced over and over. That's the secret to interview success - the interviewee chooses the talking points.</p>
<p>I get what gadad is suggesting, but please, please, if she goes this route, be more subtle than a certain VP candidate! </p>
<p>Anyway add me to the long list of those who say, yes she should interview and yes she should practice ahead of time.</p>
<p>I agree she should interview. Meeting strangers and making connections is part of LIFE! This is a start, with a nice big upside for doing it. Practice and prepare and build her confidence -- I bet she'll do great!</p>
<p>Please come back and let us know how it went.</p>
<p>My girlfriend was in the same situation this year, and I had to push her a bit so she'd get over her terror and apprehension about her upcoming interview. After I convinced her that it wouldn't be so bad after all, and - unless something awful happened - could not possibly hurt, she relented. The interview went amazingly well - it went on for three hours and, in the middle of it, her interviewer even invited her out to lunch to continue the interview! She hasn't heard back from admissions yet, but the interview certainly seemed to help.</p>
<p>Moral of the story? It can't hurt to have an interview, but missing out on one can rob one of potential benefits. And your daughter had better take advantage of every benefit (within the bounds of morality and reason) that she can get!</p>
<p>However, I think that all colleges should require an interview for admissions. If a student is painfully shy or very poor at speaking, shouldn't that be something the college knows before admitting a student? Or on the contrary, if a student is very persuasive and personable, shouldn't that be something the college knows before denying a student? I'll argue that this is just as important as SAT scores or E.C.s: talking ability is a great skill to have.</p>