Pushing my son for elite school

Another total aside…as I posted upthread, my D turned down Stanford for grad school and went to Cal. While in grad school at Cal, she coached a sports team at Stanford. She had to be careful to never wear the Stanford team jacket on campus at Cal!

Veto is when one unilaterally can say no to an item. Do I have that wrong?

One argument for letting the student choose between the schools that are within budget is that the student then owns the choice. If the student later finds that some aspect of the school is not to his/her liking, then s/he will not blame or resent his/her parent(s) for forcing him/her to attend that school when it was his/her own choice to attend that school.

Depends on which career direction. If you are referring to school-prestige-conscious jobs (e.g. management consulting and investment banking), probably yes. For PhD study in sociology, probably not, since all three of Stanford, UCB, and UCLA are well regarded in sociology.

RE USC and National Merit Scholarships-the website always said “are considered”.

Be aware that UCB and UCLA have capacity limits on the economics major.

UCB: 3.0 prerequisite GPA needed to declare economics major.
https://www.econ.berkeley.edu/undergrad/prospective

UCLA: 2.5 prerequisite GPA needed to declare economics major. Business economics requires 3.3 or 3.5 prerequisite GPA. Math economics just requires good academic standing (2.0 GPA).
http://www.econ.ucla.edu/undergraduate/?p=faq
https://www.math.ucla.edu/ugrad/majors/mathecon

@ucbalumnus - I agree with your post #83… but like the person to whose comment I was responding, the choice of sociology was somewhat arbitrary. I still believe that for most humanities majors the school prestige factor is far more important than for those in computer science, engineering, accounting, etc.

Of course, whether school prestige matters for specific post-graduation destinations depend on what type of post-graduation destination. Probably something like this:

  • Applying to PhD programs: prestige *in major, as viewed by academic departments* is significant.
  • Professional licensing: school prestige is unlikely to be very significant.
  • Applying to medical or law school: school prestige is probably of minor importance.
  • Applying to jobs where one's major is relevant: prestige *in major* may be significant.
  • Applying to major-agnostic jobs: general school prestige may matter depending on the type of job (e.g. highly for some jobs, less so for other jobs).

And to add to UCB’s excellent post- re: the final bullet- General school prestige may matter depending on the type of job, but the general populations’s view of “prestige” does not always jive with an employers.

Missouri S&T- considered highly prestigious by employers; punches above its weight. (I picked it because it is a college which doesn’t generate a lot of controversy on CC). I could name others.

Conversely- some colleges which are allegedly “highly prestigious” where the strength of one or two academic departments most assuredly does not translate into “highly prestigious” for the rest of the university. I will keep my mouth shut on who those are.

@menloparkmom Trying to discern the relevance of stating your DS was a NMF that went to USC on full tuition scholarship.

Unless I misunderstood, this student does not have acceptance from USC which means they are not and will not be in the running for the full Trustees/Stamps/Mork from USC since notification of those who were accepted and can interview for the top scholarships went out a few weeks ago.

So if this student is accepted, and is NMF and puts USC as # 1 choice, they could get the 1/2 tuition, but not full. That ship sailed. Not that this may be relevant either, just clarifying since it sounded like full came from NMF.

I’m still curious what scholarships required an early commitment. Certainly not from Stanford

I know that…
But what we dont know is where else he may already have been accepted.
If he applied early to USC he could already have an acceptance in hand from them, may have been invited to interview, and are waiting to see what scholarship USC will offer.

I mentioned NMSF because the OP may not know the ins and outs of NM, as I do.

I don’t think he could apply early to Stanford and USC

http://admission.stanford.edu/application/decision_process/restrictive.html does say that “The student may apply to any college/university with early deadlines for scholarships or special academic programs as long as the decision is non-binding.” USC’s deadlines are 12/1 for merit scholarship consideration and some specific majors, but 1/15 for all others, according to http://www.usc.edu/admission/undergraduate/firstyear/prospective/datesdeadlines.html .

I do not believe USC admission decisions are out yet:

USC Admission
Feb 25

USC Admission ‏@USCAdmission
Reminder: All first-year applicants will be sent an admission decision by April 1

My son did not apply EA to USC but he sent the application by 12/1. He did not get the National Merit but he is still waiting to hear about the Presidential Schlorship.
Also the schorship that we are applying for is not from Stanford but they want to know how much his college choice is going to cost.(earlier the better but not required to commit). Stanford has offered to pay for half the cost $30,000.

@ClarinetDad16,
Students CAN apply SCEA to Stanford AND apply to USC early , because of USC’s Dec 1 deadline for scholarship consideration, as ucbalumnus’s post explained.

Trust us- we KNOW what we are talking about.

I’ve been telling students and parents about this for a decade.

Look on the USC forum and you will find threads, starting in late Jan. , about early acceptances / tips on preparation for interviewing for the scholarships .

Only about 5% of the 30,000 applicants who apply by Dec 1 are accepted early [they receive big gold acceptance packets in late Jan], AND are invited to apply for 1/2 or full tuition scholarships.

That is what happened to my DS. He applied SCEA to Stanford AND completed his USC application by the scholarship deadline. He was deferred by Stanford in mid Dec and accepted to USC in late Jan. He interviewed for a scholarship [ even though he was a NMF and thus was already eligible for the 1/2 tuition scholarship] and was to our surprise was “bumped up” to recieve the full tuition scholarship.

OP- you said-

“He did not get the National Merit” “he is still waiting to hear about the Presidential Schlorship.”
Does that mean his PSAT score was below Calif’s cutoff score?
Was he accepted in Jan/ Feb and interviewed for the Presidential scholarship? Or no?

"Stanford has offered to pay for half the cost $30,000. "
So Stanford is offering $30,000 of Financial Aid?

One of my kids is a PhD candidate at Stanford (after attending a LAC). He has expressed the same opinions about undergraduate education there as fallenchemist’s D (post #26) and Torveaux (#69). Certainly it’s a special place, but there are many other good choices, possibly even better ones for your son. The best choice really depends on what the alternatives are and what the reasons might be for preferring them.

I agree that cost is among the few factors that justify a parent in flatly vetoing a student’s choice … but it wouldn’t be the only legitimate cause for concern. I’d be concerned If I thought my kid was turning down Stanford only to follow a girlfriend to Pepperdine, or if I thought s/he was turning down Stanford just to follow many of his friends to a UC. On the other hand, I’d be inclined to agree if s/he just didn’t see the point of paying a very large price premium over an excellent state university like Berkeley or UCLA. I’d be more than inclined to agree if s/he thought an equally good (or even better) undergraduate education was available (in many liberal arts fields anyway) at some less famous colleges.

This is probably your son’s first big adult decision. It’s also a good opportunity to test-drive the “mentor” role you may find yourself playing for decades to come. Take it one low-key conversation at a time?

OP this is an interesting thread! The number of views you have gotten suggests to me that something has struck a nerve. Maybe it’s the “elite” in the title, or maybe the perennial parent/child balance.

It sounds like your S is being offered financial aid (need-based) instead of a merit scholarship. IF this is true his decision deadline is still May 1st.

We all want the best for our kids. The fact that you are concerned about not being overbearing re. son’s decision, and that you have come to post on this website, makes me think you are working toward a helpful perspective. I wish you and your family the best.

I’d echo @tk21769 's quote:

My undergraduate experience at Stanford was many years ago. My D (HS Class of 2015) was a high stats applicant and would’ve been a legacy, so she had a reasonable shot at Stanford. But I was very willing to let her choose instead to apply ED to a top LAC, because of what I considered deficiencies in my Stanford UG experience. I didn’t think I had particularly good advising, little contact with professors, and didn’t know how to get help when I ran into problems in math and science classes. I’m sure it’s much better now but I still think that LAC’s are wonderful for an UG experience. It doesn’t seem that the OP’s son is looking at LAC’s, but presumably he has reasons for the other schools he is interested in.