Hello All,
I’m new to this site and I wanted some input from other parents or students. I’ve always wanted my son to attend Stanford. He is a smart and wonderful kid. I didn’t talk about it too much I think because I know Stanford is the most selective college in the USA and the odds of getting in are slim. He talked more about getting into UC Berkeley or UCLA or USC but he knows Stanford is a great school. I got him to apply EA and told him he had nothing to lose. Well he got accepted and he was happy but I was estatic. Now it’s almost March and he hasn’t committed yet. I know he has until May 1st but he wants to hear from other schools as well. If he really wants to go somewhere else I will support his decision but I’m not shy about giving my opinion to him. Do you think I’m being over bearing about wanting him to attend Stanford? I think it would open up great opportunities for him? Can anyone relate or share something that may help? Sorry about the long intro.
“Do you think I’m being over bearing about wanting him to attend Stanford?”
do ya THINK?? 
HE is the one who will going to college, NOT YOU. He may NOT want to go to Stanford, for lots of reasons. Too close to home. Wanting to make a new life for himself, and not just be forever identified or introduced as “my kid who went to Stanford” etc, etc…
So back off, and let him decide where HE wants to go.
Quit trying to live vicariously through your kid.
The Curtis Institute of Music softly clears its throat in the background…
Stanford is just one of many excellent higher ed institutions in this country, in the world. In my opinion, your son should choose the college which is the best all around fit for him. This takes in to consideration many factors, not just institutional prestige, which I think is one of the least important. This will be his home for the next 4 years at least. It’s not where you go, it’s what you make of it.
Yeah Yeah yeah and all. Anyway. Got milk?
But the Curtis Institute doesn’t look like a Taco Bell franchise or the seeing promise of unlimited all-you-can-eat tacos for students, alums, and family members for life! 
At some point, shouldn’t this be about what makes HIM ecstatic, and not you?
There are lots of schools that offer opportunities ( including the other schools you mentioned, which are all fine schools).
Anyway, can you articulate precisely what opportunities are available at Stanford that are t available at those other schools, beyond impressing the people back home?
I am a parent that has always talked up elite schools to my youngest. we toured many schools between last year and this year. I can say that a name means nothing if it’s not a great fit for the child. After much consideration my daughter applied to Rice and got in. We still took the time to look at cost, location, and most of all where she would be happiest before she accepted. It’s wise of your son to wait and see.
I think you are being pushy if you say anything to your son now.
Your son is going to college…not you. Let HIM decide where to matriculate. The choices you listed above are all great schools…Cal, UCLA, USC.
Remember YOU talked him into applying EA to Stanford. you were ecstatic at the acceptance. He wasn’t.
Let him choose.
This. If you want to lobby your son (hopefully subtly) to go to Stanford, then ask yourself why you want him to go there beyond mere prestige. If you think it’s stronger in the areas he’s interested in, or is going to put him in a much better position to succeed with his post-graduate plans, then I’d suggest you pull together some data about those things that make your case, beyond just gut feeling. Even “prestige” can perhaps be quantified a bit, with things like graduate school acceptance rates, or mid-career salaries, or number of students getting elite scholarships, etc.
Speaking of data, encourage him to head over to princetonreview and enter in the schools you listed. It makes a pretty compelling case for Stanford on the basis of academic strength, teaching excellence, and kids really loving a lot of different aspects of that school (it’s on a ton of their top-20 lists).
If, once your kid has all the information in hand, he simply places a higher value on some factors than you do – even if they’re something amorphous like “feel” – and arrives at a different conclusion, then I do encourage you to roll with it, as it is ultimately his call (assuming there’s not a significant cost factor in play).
I don’t have any issues with a parent inserting themselves into their kid’s decision process if they feel like the kid is overlooking some important factors that deserve more of their attention, but if all you’ve got to hang your hat on is “But it’s STANFORD!”, then I think you’re on pretty shaky ground.
It’s not very parental to care more about your own dream than your child’s preferences. If you love Stanford so much, go pursue a graduate degree there.
Stanford is a great school…yes. But gotta say…my kid toured Stanford, and hated it…just didn’t like the feel. Pretty, but way to spread out. It just wasn’t her thing. She wouldn’t have gotten accepted if she had applied, but we never gave the school a second thought after the tour.
^ I did find it amusing that they actually drove the tour group around on golf carts when my D visited Stanford because it’s so huge. Quite the contrast from all the little LACs she’d visited.
A lot of 17 year olds don’t know what they want or what’s best for them, and it’s the parent’s job to give guidance…in this case guidance towards an elite school that will challenge the kid and give him advantages throughout his life. Where the parent goes wrong here is not in steering kid towards an elite school,.but in thinking there is only one option that fulfills those goals.
Have you ever considered that your child applied to Stanford only because you insisted? It’s his parent choice school. He may have never even wanted to apply but you insisted. He probably thought - “5% admission rate, what are the chances?” Oops.
Let the whole thing play out. Wait until he hears from ALL his schools (he doesn’t have to make a decision until May 1st). Look at all his options. LISTEN to your son. You may think the best thing would be if he goes to Stanford. But in reality, the worst thing would be going to Stanford if he never wanted to attend.
Great first post welcome to CC
Of course, one of the big questions when comparing the various schools is, what would be the net cost and debt at each?
It’s clear that the parent doesn’t care about costs. So why even bring that up.
There have been threads where parents want to push their preferred school onto the student, even though that school is more expensive and the parent also wants to push the extra debt onto the student.