Question about essay and can someone check my grammer on a few sentences?

Applying to College
1

<p>In my essay I talked about how I used to live near the college so I was always a fan. Im applying at Michigan state. I also said that my mom went there and my granparents have worked there for as long as I can remember. Should I take that out of my essay? </p>

<h2>Here are some sentences I wasnt sure on grammer</h2>

<p>I want to move back home to MSU; so from my sophomore year and on, my grades have improved. </p>

<h2>Its probably one of my crappier sentences in my essay and I was considering taking it out. Anyways Im sure theres some grammer problems. Can someone either fix it or rewrite it for me?</h2>

<p>Education is something my family really values, so I wanted to see an improvement in my grades.</p>

<h2>Im not sure about a comma or semi-colon here. Im guessing comma becasue the second line isnt a complete sentence.</h2>

<p>Luckily, I have been playing since I was 4, so I had a few advantages over some of the first years.</p>

<h2>Not sure on grammer here</h2>

2

<p>You should try not to shift tenses in your writing, especially not in one sentence.</p>

3

<p>Yeah, Ill change it to wanted. Thats what I had it had but for some reason I changed it to want.</p>

4

<p>Im not the greatest writer either, which leads me to another question.</p>

<p>My ACT is 3 points higher then MSU's average. MY GPA is their exact average to. Although the last 2 years my GPA has been 3.5 points higher. bad freshmen year. Im wondering if just an ok essay will hurt my chances. Its a state school so i figured it wouldnt.</p>

5

<p>
[quote]
I want to move back home to MSU; so from my sophomore year and on, my grades have improved.

[/quote]

  • Auto-bio style I realized I would like to return to MSU and that led to a sudden jump in grades from sophomore year and now on.
  • More literature-like style When I realized that MSU was place where I always wanted to go, my grades didn't hesitate to respond and began their exponential growth from sophomore year 'til now.
  • Strict style The sudden increase of GPA during period from sophomore to junior years was determined by desire to return to MSU.
  • Complete literature style When my feelings enlightened me, after a period of evil abberation, and I understood clearly that my only goal in life was to go back to MSU I asked myself, - What was I doing during my 9th grade for goodness of everything that's holy?!, - and there was no delay before I completely changed my life and began to get tremendous grades.</p>
6

<p>Wow, your a great writer. I used one of your examples and changed the words around a little. I need to start writing like that.</p>

7

<p>Im having trouble writing a conclusion. Does anyone want to read my essay and maybe give me some idea's on writing a conclusion for it. Also my essay could use some help on other things im sure. Im not one of those people who takes AP classes and is applying to Ivie's. Im just a normal guy who needs help on on essay.</p>

8

<p>Sure, PM it to me.</p>

9

<p>Ok, I updated it a little bit. Its almost done. Does anyone else want to take a look at it.</p>