<p>Let's put a hypothetical situation at your feet. Let's say your child graduated college 6 years ago, still lives with you, has had a bunch of jobs in the past 6 years that include retail, customer service, substitute teaching, but doesn't have a career or at least a job that pays decent in which the child can leave your house and live on their own, and turns 30 in a few months. Also, the child continues to apply for low paying jobs similar to what that person has had in the past that pay 9-10 dollars an hour. </p>
<p>My question is what do you do with that child? Do you continue to let that child live with you since he/she can't afford to live on their own? Do you try to encourage your child to apply for a better paying job? How would you handle the situation?</p>
<p>Depends on the family’s finances, location, amount of effort child (‘child’) is putting, local employment situation, child’s qualifications and degree, and many other factors. </p>
<p>If I am convinced the child is doing his/her best to mooch off the parents it’s one thing, but if the local economy or chosen field is hopeless, it’s quite another.</p>
<p>Personally I’d love it if my kids want to stick around till they’re 30. Compared to what I’ve already paid for them by the time they finish college, the pittance for ‘rent’ and ‘food’ is a blip.</p>
<p>“Child” can live on their own for $10/hour. Just not all that well. “Child” will be motivated to pursue better opportunities. Maybe. Has this hypothetical child saved anything during the 6 years of mooching off you?</p>
<p>I’d sit him/her down and tell him it’s time to go.</p>
<p>You said your child graduated. What was their major? Have any of the jobs been in that field? Are there jobs in your area for that field? Is it a case of majoring in something that has low job demand? Or, something that your child really wasn’t passionate about and now they aren’t interested in pursuing?</p>
<p>I agree with turbo93. If you can help your child financially in todays market then by all means do so. You child is your child whether he is 5, 30 or 53, and will always be YOUR child no matter the age.
If I could pull some strings or call upon some of my connections to help him land a better paying job then I would try that to.
Good Luck to you and your family…</p>
<p>The child has saved but has used the money to pay for car insurance, things that need to be fixed for the car like new brakes, etc.</p>
<p>The child majored in history. </p>
<p>He has never had a job in his field and has never had a job that required a college degree, just a high school diploma. Jobs that he has had have been in retail and customer service that paid him around 9-10 dollars an hour. </p>
<p>-He doesn’t want to teach. Job market is bad for teachers as we all know.</p>
<p>-He doesn’t want to go to graduate school since it costs money, and he doesn’t know what he would major in. We all know a college degree doesn’t guarantee anything these days.</p>
<p>*He did have an interview last week at one of the local high schools for an aide position and wanted that position since it was stable and only half a mile down from the house. But he didn’t get it. So I hardly call him lazy or a “moocher” as one person has already put it.</p>
<p>The only problem is that there is no exit strategy. If there was one, even if it meant attending community college to learn AutoCAD for a year, I’d be more supportive. </p>
<p>Part of what differentiates adults from non-adults is that the adults realize they have to do something to provide for themselves / family. Non-adults can provide excuses “I hate xxxxx or the job market is bad in yyyyyyy”. Pretty soon you blink, the child is 35 years old, and still making $10/hr.</p>
<p>I would also be a lot more sympathetic if he would spend time working as a tutor or related, simply to keep busy. If he’s putting 40 hrs/week @ $10/hr is one thing, but if it’s 10 hrs/week, quite another.</p>
<p>Work is when they pay you to do stuff that you would not otherwise do.</p>
<p>He did pass a certification test to become a pharmacy technician last month after the recommendation from his brother who is a pharmacist and also frustration because of the lack of good job opportunities that haven’t come his way.</p>
<p>You just described my brother in law. He lived in his parents basement until just a few months ago. He is 30. Maybe turning 30 was a wake up call for him because all of a sudden he has a great job and his own apartment. </p>
<p>Has he been seeking higher paying work since he graduated? Has he had better opportunities that would allow him to leave that he hasn’t taken? Or is he simply the victim of a bad economy?</p>
<p>As a recent grad living with my mother and with little to no job prospects but unpaid internships due to the recession, I must say no one I know that is my age or older WANTS to live with their parents, no matter how much money they are saving. If he is really trying to earn enough money to leave and is simply having a very difficult time now finding a job that pays well I understand being sympathetic and allowing him to stay–I honestly wish my parents would be more helpful and understanding on this front. But if he really isn’t TRYING to get out on his own then he definitely needs a push.</p>
<p>He is mooching off you unless he is paying you the going rate for room and board. And why not!!! He doesn’t have to get a good paying job with you in the picture. </p>
<p>You need to set a date a couple of months (like 2 or 3) out in the future and say that after that date here is the rate for room and board at home. And if you don’t like it, then go find your own place. Time to kick this one out of the nest and let him fly on his own.</p>
<p>I’m in the middle on this one. But hope that I don’t have my 30 yr old living with me in 5 more years!</p>
<p>I would encourage an exit strategy. Pharmacy technician is a good start. SOME plan for moving beyond 9-10 dollar an hour jobs and into a ‘career’ of some sort.</p>
<p>It IS a very bad job market out there. But there needs to be baby steps to move forward or the adult child WILL be at home still at 50!</p>
<p>As long as child was clean, quiet and respectful, and I had room, child could stay. I would encourage child to apply for better jobs, but lets be honest, in today’s economy that is tough. I would have been bugging kid to take accounting classes years ago.</p>
<p>As time goes on, many parents plan to sell larger homes. Room may no longer be there.</p>
<p>Okay, as someone who still remembers those days of poor-paying jobs (though the living situation was large closet with 6 friends), I am more concerned about the apparent job-hopping. Even a low-paying job can lead to opportunities to management/upper supervision jobs, especially with a college degree. The economy was booming 6 years ago, and places were hiring. Time for the child to take a good look at ones work habits and take the next job, no matter where it is, seriously. If he treats even the bad jobs like a serious opportunity, people are more likely to notice. Otherwise, even if a real career opportunity falls in his lap, he would not know how to take it seriously. Considering that all money was serious to me because I would be homeless, I worked hard to make myself indispensible.</p>
<p>^ I agree with MizzBee, good performance at even the most “menial” job (ex. pushing carts, flipping burgers) should lead to advancement. Sure it may not be in his dream field, but consider how many actually end up working in a field that was not in their
plan in order to make a living. Six years post-college is too long to be waiting for the dream job, and job hopping with no real plan is a bad sign. He needs to find something, anything, and stick to it to show future employers that he is dedicated regardless of the level of work.
Just to add, at DSs company (major warehouse club), most senior executives started out pushing carts, much like the BK executives have all flipped burgers at one time or another.
Sorry to be harsh, but as someone with a BIL who is 50+ and been living on/off with his parents like this all his life, I see big red flags.</p>
<p>One or two years I can understand. But six years living with your parents. That’s ridiculous! Even in this job market. Plus it can’t do much for a person’s self-esteem. I’d rather be just scraping by in my own place than being enabled in mommy and daddy’s basement for 6 years. Plus doesn’t this hypothetical individual want to have a relationship someday? If rents are too high where you are relocate! A $10 an hour job brings in $1600 per month. In many places you could find a small apartment for $400 and start living an adult life. You could even get a roommate and bring the costs down even more.</p>
<p>6 years is a long time; not the entire time has been a bad job market. I observe adult kids in my neighborhood moving home long term because it’s easy and comfortable. I am all for having them home for a period of time: while job hunting, saving some money to pay loans, buy a used car, get a rent deposit together,or because finding a job now does take longer given the economy. BUT, it’s been too long and the adult child has hopped around a bit. IMO, it’s time to set up a time limit. Perhaps the adult child can find some roommates to share a less expensive place or work two $9 type jobs. Encourage him/her to pursue ideas like the technician job. I fear that my kids and their peers have unrealistic expectations about “quality of life” in their 20s! I was crowded into apartments, working my butt off to pay off loans and rent, and eating generic spaghetti 7 nights a week. None of the adult kids in my neighborhood (upper middle class) would even consider sharing a bedroom in an apt, eating in every night, or taking public transportation. I’m not saying the OP’s adult child is the same, just pointing out a cultural phenomenon here. At the very least, start charging rent and having the adult child do lawn work, cleaning, etc. Good luck!</p>