<p>Say I have unlimited resource, I would support my whole family. Say, I struggle myself, then I expect them to help me out.<br>
OP, do you have millions or have have nothing, are you young and healthy, are you retired? There are tons of other questiona floating in my mind in regard to this situation. So, my answer to original question is: it all depends…family is there to support…I know some with parents and adult grown children with their own children (in very good financial situation) all living under the same roof in very expansive house, and I know others living together in tiny house (basement appartment). I mean, families are all different, how one can impose its values on another, how they would know what is the best for another?</p>
<p>(Referring to Post #38) Why would he apply for a job as a janitor in the school district he subs in??? As a parent I would find it very strange and perhaps unacceptable to have the janitor also teaching my children. It’s almost as if he is saying to the school district – “Don’t hire me as a substitute teacher anymore, I’d rather be your janitor.”</p>
<p>Regarding roommates, you don’t have to be friends. It’s more of a financial arrangement that could develop into a friendship. Just place an ad in the paper.</p>
<p>After reading OPs last post I’m starting to wonder if this is a ■■■■■. Or maybe someone that needs some counseling to find out what’s going on. Could there be personality issues? Lack of interviewing skills? Both? Lack of hygiene?</p>
<p>"Why would he apply for a job as a janitor in the school district he subs in??? "</p>
<p>-Because janitor is making more money, because he does not want to teach, there are many valid answers.</p>
<p>The list of jobs are good for a week or two. When I am looking for jobs, I am applying to 10-12 places each week. Has he considered a temp agaency? That should work well with the substitute teaching, since it is also flexible. It sounds like he really does need to get out to socialize, if only to network.</p>
<p>MiamiDap – The whole point of this thread is that he wants to better himself. So why chose the school district where he is currently getting his only professional work. He’s in Dallas, where there are many other school districts and private companies where he could do janitorial work. I think there’s a little self sabotage going on. He says he wants out of his situation but fear might be making him make irrational decisions.</p>
<p>^So, what is a difference, one district or another? One job will make another disapper? I am not sure. I am also sure that 30 years old is not 15 any more, he knows what he wants and sometime others (or most) might not like what he wants. I have been in this situation and most of you have been in this situation, nobody is perfect. People make mistakes, learn and move on. And sometime we make much more risky decision than to apply to janitorial position. I thought the thread was about family not sure to support him or not. That is completely different story, I do not see any connection. This is the question to parents themselves, if they want or they do not, if they are able or not and if they are planning to treat a 30 years old as a child if they do…and many other personal questions that nobody here can answer.</p>
<p>I think everyone with 20somethings post grad has been here, or will be: OP is aware something is amiss, or she wouldn’t have posted. But this is where parenting theory meets reality. Yes, we all think we would shoo our 27+ child out of the house, but where do they go if there’s not enough money to pay rent? In a practical, ordinary sense, this is a problem. And OP’s son does seem to send up several flags – no social life, no apparent interest in a “real” job, no stickability with jobs that are “here” jobs not “career” jobs, no plan of his own to move out. </p>
<p>I would write up a contract. I would absolutely charge him rent, but I think it is vital for him to move out and be on his own. That tends to clarify issues and help OP regain her own sanity. So, I would offer to subsidize his elsewhere rent for 6-9 months. If he lives at home, I would put his rent into a savings account and give him 6-9 months to find an apartment of his own. I would make living at home contingent upon having a fulltime (30+ hrs) job of any kind, and keeping it, no excuses barring abject abuse. If he cannot sign this contract, give him a security deposit, a month’s rent, and find an apartment now. </p>
<p>As painful as it is, enabling is not going to help him. Encouraging independance while providing a reasonable safety net may. But in the end, at his age, his choices should be better. An acceptable job at this point would be lots of hours, and minimum wage. To quit because someone else is paid more is not sensible. He seems to be deciding to not decide, and hope is not a strategy… Best of luck to you both</p>
<p>-I’ll emphasize something here, he applies to places while he substitute teaches and waits for the state board of pharmacy to change his status he still applies for jobs, albiet low pay. Those places don’t want him because he’s overqualified, not to mention there are a lot of people who are out of work and can’t find a job either. If he was kicked out of the house and onto the streets he’d be homeless and without a job to support himself. </p>
<p>-To the person who suggested temp agencies, those places are swamped with people who are looking for a job. I know someone who works at a temp agency as a manager and she’s said there are just too many people looking for any kind of job and not enough jobs out there.</p>
<p>"-I’ll emphasize something here, he applies to places while he substitute teaches and waits for the state board of pharmacy to change his status "</p>
<p>how long is that going to take? </p>
<p>I am confused. If the status change is happening soon, if theres a good market for Pharm Techs, if he is positive about that direction, Im not sure what the urgency is thats prompting this post.</p>
<p>If it was me, and my kid, my obsession would be checking out the Pharm tech market, making sure he was up on the best ways to seek employment as a Pharm tech, etc, etc. Heck, Id probably up it a step and research the next steps up for a Pharm tech, etc. I dont think Id be all that concerned about the search for other jobs.</p>
<p>Theres something going on here that hasnt been said, but Im not sure what it is.</p>
<p>"Theres something going on here that hasnt been said, but Im not sure what it is. "</p>
<p>-Exactly</p>
<p>There’s nothing going on. He’s applying for other jobs because he’s read that some people who are certified can only get a job part time for 10-11 dollars an hour or a full time job for that amount of money. He’s trying to find another job so he can get some more money. 10 dollars an hour is hardly enough to live off of in 2011.</p>
<p>It’ll take another week or two for the status to change from technician in training to certified.</p>
<p>I’d sit the adult down and ask where they see themselves in 10 years. Is there a career path for pharmacy technicians that leads to a livable wage? Is there another career that he’s looking into that will eventually pay the bills? What is his long term plans for being self sufficient? </p>
<p>If he truly has no idea how he will ever be able to support himself, I’d suggest he might look into joining the military or something of that ilk. Even a short stint in the military would give him an edge on government jobs when he leaves, not to mention free additional training up to and including grad school. And he may get the self confidence back that these six years have sucked out of him.</p>
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<p>Plenty of time to surf the net when you’re living in the basement.</p>
<p>And seriously? He eats soup and tv dinners? Mom doesn’t include him in the family meals??</p>
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<p>Maybe there are no family meals. Sometimes, in households that consist entirely of adults, individuals fend for themselves, especially if their schedules differ.</p>
<p>I don’t usually post, but this one is nagging on me. Maybe it is because I had a similar conversation with my daughter earlier this week. She also works part-time at one of the retailers OP has worked at. She is barely scraping by, but she is managing to share an apartment with friends.</p>
<p>OP has been complaining about this situation on CC since last November. Did you have a career plan when you got the history degree? Had you researched the pharm tech field before you tried to become certified? It seems that now that you are certified you don’t want to work as a pharm tech. Nobody is going to hand you a great job. You have to start at the bottom and work your way up. We hire people with degrees to work in our mailroom. I’m sure they feel the work is beneath them, but by doing it, they open themselves up to the possibility of advancement in the company. </p>
<p>You need a plan. You need to figure out where you want to be in 5-10 years, and then work towards it. It may require going back to school, whether for an advanced degree, a different bachelors degree, or maybe even a two year technical school.</p>
<p>We parents want to help our kids, but sometimes we need to step back and let them see the consequences of their decisions. Hearing my daughter tell me that all she could afford was ramen noodles was not easy, but I resisted the urge to hand her cash. Because her father and I won’t always be there to help her. She has to learn to take care of herself. As does the OP, and by 30, he is way overdue.</p>
<p>I dont intend to sound disrespectful to OP. But my son just started as a freshman and has chosen one of the engineering degrees. If he had told me: Dad I want to study history. I would have responded OK well if you want to study history you know your schooling is going to take longer than originally planned. Because you are either going to go to Law school or get your PHD and become a professor.</p>
<p>A batcherlors degree in history? what was he thinking to do with his degree? maybe his plan was to move into Mom’s basement all along.</p>
<p>Now that the degree is done. I would first of all support him and love him and let him he can always count on myself and his mother. Secondly I would find what he loves to do and then find a way for him to make a living doing it. For example runners can work in gyms, get trained to become a personal trainer, go into sales of sporting goods equipment I would find his niche. Is going to law school an option? I am not talking about Harvard or Yale but maybe a local law school???</p>
<p>I can tell you one thing. I would not settle for your current situation no way no how.</p>
<p>You know, many people have studied history (and other nonengineering/business subjects) and gone on to live perfectly happy and productive lives outside their parents’ basement.</p>
<p>Strademom I agree with you. But in these times when companies are cutting back. I believe that a degree in history is not as marketable as one supplemented with a law degree or a graduate degree. </p>
<p>But this is only my opinion. I guess you feel differently?</p>
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<p>The individual who is the focus of discussion in this thread chose his major long before the current economic downturn. I don’t think we can blame him for failing to predict a recession.</p>
<p>@gator4ever: less marketable, sure. Less valuable? I’d be willing to argue it, but it involves long-term, big-picture issues that are outside the scope of this thread. :)</p>