Question on UC PErsonal statements

College Essays
1

<p>HI, so I was doing my personal statements and I gave them to my teacher to look over. He said that the 2nd one was kinda boring, while my 1st one was pretty good. Anyways... on trying to fix the 2nd essay, I'm trying to use an anecdote of me interning at a car mechanic shop.</p>

<p>My first draft for the 2nd prompt was about building computers. the 1st prompt was about how the automobile has affected my family life in the positive view, and how i became interested in cars because of my family, and in the 1st prompt i mentioned the internship, in which the teacher said i should emphasize more to make it better.</p>

<p>Heres my problem: Should i keep it the way it is. 1st statement about cars and family. work on 2nd statement about building computers</p>

<p>ORRR</p>

<p>scrap the 1st one, and for the 2nd statement write about my internship.</p>

<p>ORRR</p>

<p>Althought I doubt that this is good... Keep the 1st one, and for the 2nd statement write about my internship; eventually having both essays talk about cars. </p>

<p>tnx</p>

2

<p>Providing the prompts would be helpful.</p>

3

<p>o sry
Prompt 1:
Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<p>Prompt 2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

4

<p>Sorry since it’s brutally OT, but I am s SUPER computer guy. I’m not just talking building here, I’m talking liquid nitrogen overclocking at -140c, and I built a refrigeration unit over the summer. Do you overclock?</p>

<p>I’m gonna use my refrigeration system most likely for prompt #2</p>

<p>:D</p>

5

<p>i’ve built several computers. i have done OC to an extent by air cooling. dont have the money to spend on liquid cooling :-/</p>

<p>i am a car guy. computers are like a 2nd hobby to me. i’ve rebuilt engines, done engine swaps, lotta things :/</p>

6

<p>I would say if you’re going to talk about your internship then it should be spoken about in your 2nd prompt only because the 1st one is asking specifically to describe the world you come from. Your family and the love for cars you guys share is more of how your dreams or aspirations were shaped. You could definitely use your internship as an accomplishment or experience that has been really important to you in your 2nd prompt. Make sure to explain what you gained from it, how it has influenced your interest in cars, and maybe how it has improved your mechanical skills. If you do choose to base your 2nd essay on building computers make sure it gives a good representation of who you are and how it positively affects you and relates to the person you are.</p>