Rate my Emory essay

<p>Hey guys, I don't know which sub-branch of the forum to post this under, but here goes. Can you guys please rate my essay for Emory. I feel like I should scrap it and start anew because this essay isn't "personal" enough. Both of the teachers who looked over it said it was "good." Here it is: </p>

<p>Essay Option 1
Emory University welcomes first-year students with two distinct options to begin their liberal arts education: the research-infused Emory College or the smaller, experiential learning Oxford College. If you could create an academic course that is in the Emory University spirit of collaboration, creativity, entrepreneurship and inquiry, what would it be? What impact would the course have on you and your classmates’ educational experience? (500 word limit) </p>

<p>“The best way to predict the future is to create it,” says Peter Drucker, the man who single-handedly designed the modus operandi of the modern corporation. My academic course would follow Drucker’s ideas, allowing students to create their own future through a personalized course of study at Emory University. The students who enroll in my course at Emory will decide for themselves exactly which classes they want to take, giving them more freedom than if they chose a more linear, pre-decided route. Since no two students have like interests and passions, my course would let them create a schedule that would allow them to benefit from Emory’s prestigious campus in a way that fulfills their specific interests the most. For example, a student interested in medicine could take neuroscience classes taught by Assistant Professor and CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta, while one interested in world affairs could immerse himself in the modern-day humanitarian issues discussed in former President Jimmy Carter’s class. Although my course allows freedom, there are still some requirements. Incoming freshman students will be required to take one senior-level course in a major they’re interested in. Going straight into a senior-level course will allow the student to experience what he is passionate about at an advanced level, giving him (or her) a wider experience in that particular subject as opposed to starting out from the introductory-level freshman courses and working his way up. This gives the student a glimpse of the advanced-level learning that he will soon partake in at his particular field, which will motivate him to study through his introductory courses. With this personalized academic course, our creativity will flourish as we design our own futures, in the order we deem best. This method of learning will also teach responsibility to the college freshman, as he will have to deal with the consequences of his actions if he selects a course he finds he no longer likes by “sticking it out” for the rest of the semester. My academic course would also require students to maximize time spent with professors, in order to give students time to ask questions and learn through a personalized conversation, which can supplement the standard lecture. Students can also collaborate to design courses with one another; for example, a group of students who decide they want to study the pre-medical sciences can all design synchronized courses so that they can ask each other for help if the need arises as well as have the opportunity to learn as a group. I hold dear the belief that if students study something that they are naturally passionate about, learning will come easily. I believe than an easy way to foster the love of learning is to learn what you love, and my course will allow my fellow students and me to do just that.</p>

<p>Any and all feedback is welcome! Thank you guys so much!</p>

<p>You were asked to design a course. It seems to me that you’ve designed more of a curriculum.</p>

<p>I see. Anything else? Is the difference between course and curriculum so great that my essay would be considered “off-topic?” Thanks for your time!</p>

<p>7/10 MAX</p>

<p>It’s not what the college is looking for. They want to know how you would make the university better and how you would be a benefit to your fellow students. </p>

<p>Your essay has too much name dropping, in fact I would remove every name because they distract the essay from you and your fellow classmates. Second some of your suggestions seem poorly thought out like letting students take advanced courses without the prerequisites. Third there is just way too much going on. You jump from point to point and it’s hard keeping track of all the different ideas. The essay needs cohesion. Lastly too much focus on facts without enough emotion to really drive the points home. </p>

<p>P…S. It is very important to show college level writing in your essays. This essay is roughly 9th grade level. </p>

<p>I second CHD2013. This isn’t a course; it’s a curriculum. The distinction is important.</p>

<p>Also, you should stop the name-dropping. Sure, you researched the school, but the fact that you wasted 11 words on a title and name should come off as a little unnecessary and a bit pretentious.</p>

<p>The essay would best be rewritten, in my opinion.</p>

<p>You state “my course” or “my academic course” in the essay six times, then never say anything about what is actually being taught in the course. This essay does not address the prompt at all. </p>

<p>Are u an int’l student? In the context of the essay prompt, “course” means a class like Biology or Latin. It does not mean a path. This essay wants you to specify the WHAT about the course, not the HOW. I strongly advise a rewrite.</p>

<p>I also vote to cut back on the name dropping.</p>

<p>Yeah don’t submit this essay. It will seem like you’re criticising emory’s curriculum and your curriculum is better than theirs. Focus on a class. Classes refer to biology, chemsitry, history, calculus. </p>

<p>Also some advice. Don’t post your essays in public like this. If it’s a good essay people will steal it. </p>

<p>You definitely seem to be creating much more of a curriculum than a course. I think in the US you might more commonly refer to it as a class. I’m applying from Canada where we more commonly use the word course, and my essay is about a class that has a specific topic of learning. I do feel bad for you because I’m sure you put a lot of hard work into this, but we still have two weeks before the deadline, so I would probably not submit this.</p>