<p>Hi, I wrote this in well over the proposed time but considering I am a beginner writer please rate just so I can get a sense of where my writing level is at.
Constructive criticisms are much appreciated, thanks in advance!</p>
<p>Assignment: Do temporary or otherwise imperfect solutions to problems only create more serious problems? </p>
<p>Ever since the beginning of civilization man has set out to conquer obstacles in his way. Whether it is the lack of warmth or the need for food, man has always found solutions for problems that plague him. But sometimes the prospects are so dire that man only devises temporary or imperfect solutions to solve the problem, without realizing that the temporary solution only causes more serious problems. The novel the Kite Runner and the current nuclear crisis in Japan support and illustrate this notion.</p>
<p>In the Kite Runner, the main antagonist is not an external force, in fact it is a psychological opponent faced by Amir, the protagonist. During Amir's childhood he witnesses the rape of his best friend Hassan and is scarred for life because he did nothing to prevent it. For the next few years Amir tries to subdue his shame by taking out his anger on Hassan, who does nothing to retaliate. Amir also immigrates to America to forget all about his childhood. On the fa</p>
<p>I would rework the introduction. You want the essay to be focused, and you lose that right off the bat by making broad sweeping statements about man and civilization etc etc. Use the introduction to introduce the themes that you’re going to talk about later. Meaning not just mentioning Kite Runner and Japan, but how these examples apply to the topic of discussion.</p>
<p>You have a good writing style and the syntax is right. However, try not to use so many “SAT words” if it is not exactly what you want to say. I.e. Facade may not be being used correctly there. Just my 2 cents.</p>
<p>You should work on improving how you move from your “hook” to your thesis, it seems a tiny bit on the choppy side to me, no offense. Hmm, you may or may not have used facade incorrectly. I’ve never seen it used that way, but hey, what do I know haha? Then again, Microsoft rates my writing at a post-doctoral level lol, so maybe I do know something after all. Hmm, you could easily use the words “desideratum” (something that’s absolutely necessary) and “opprobrium” (harsh criticism) I find these words very easy to include in nearly any essay, so I figured I’d share that.</p>
<p>PS-I don’t mean to offend you at all, it was merely constructive criticism. By the way, you have excellent flow and I like you’re style, which reminds me a bit of my own, though my thesis is always incredibly strong and polished, which honestly detracts from my “feel” later on. I can never get past that…</p>
<p>I think you need a stronger finish and how this topic ties to you more personally. How is it relevant to you?</p>
<p>You shouldn’t post essays like this on CC.</p>