rate my NHS Essay

Prompt: 5 paragraph essay that explains why you scholarship, leadership,character, and service makes you deserving of induction into NHS. And explain what qualifications of Scholarship, Leadership, Character, and Service mean to you as a student as well as a person. Summarize by explaining how you exemplify the four characteristics of NHS and why you feel you deserve to be inducted.

My essay:
One of the standards of The National Honor Society is scholarship, scholarship is defined as “an academic study or achievement”. Evidence of my scholarship can be found in my performance in the classes that I have chosen so far. I have taken every possible honors course and I have even elected to take three dual-credit courses next fall, all while managing to juggle Varsity Soccer, Varsity Tennis, Student Council, and Quiz Team. This is evidence, that I have gone out of my way to walk the hardest path possible in order to acquire experience that will help me succeed later on in life. As a scholar, I believe that I should be inducted into this society.

In addition to being a scholar, I also consider myself a leader. Leadership is a very important quality to have, it is one of the defining characteristics of a person. I work hard so that I am classified as a leader amongst my peers, evidence supporting this can be found in both my academic achievement and my success in sports and other extracurricular activities. I have been a Student Council officer since last school year. This indicates that I am capable from standing out from the crowd and demonstrating qualities that make myself unique. I have also shown leadership on the Tennis team. Before February I had only picked up a Tennis racket on a select few occasions, but I knew I wanted to not only play Tennis, but be a team leader and for the last two months I have showed up to every practice early and worked tirelessly to improve my performance. I can now say with great pride, that I am a Varsity sophomore that starts third singles and am a leader among the tennis team and I believe I should be inducted into The national Honor Society based on my leadership.

I believe that I am a great character to join The National Honor Society and I believe I should be inducted into National Honor Society because I have worked with many groups, whether it be in school, sports, or in the community. These experiences have allowed me to have a more positive attitude, which in turn can help me whenever I need to communicate with others. Over the past summer, I had a part time job that has taught me the importance of putting my best work forward. These experiences allowed me to learn lessons that will help me acquire jobs in the future and have better chemistry whenever I need to work with people.

I have demonstrated my service by helping the community youth soccer organization (SAY), maintain their fields from August through October, where I was able to learn how to properly paint fields and also listen to stories from coaches and players that will surely help me, when I pursue a job in the Healthcare field. This volunteer work has taught me that volunteer work is important, and there is always someone around your community who could use a little help every now and then. I look forward to continuing my volunteer work in the future and I believe that it has made me a more responsible person, that is why I believe that my service has made me worthy of being inducted into The National Honor Society.

The qualifications of scholarship, leadership, character, and service mean a lot to me. These characteristics allow me to be proud of the work I have done, the leader I am, and the person I will become. I feel that I exemplify the four characteristics of this society because I am successful in all aspects of my life, it has been difficult to simultaneously handle all of these responsibilities but I feel it has helped me and that I am better for it. I feel that I deserve to be inducted because I have striven to arrive at the position I am at now in my life, and I don’t intend on quitting any time soon.  

I’m sorry that this is very lengthy, and I know that the prompt is extremely boring. But any and all help/criticism is appreciated! Thank you for your time!

Sounds like a list. Show, don’t tell

first sentence is a run on…look up how to use commas

When @Tps237 says show, don’t tell, they mean
Over the past summer, I had a part time job that has taught me the importance of putting my best work forward. T

What happened at that job that caused you to learn this? was there a specific incident?
Like did something bad happen when you didn’t do something and you learned to do your best even if nobody iswatching?

A customer was disrespectful and I was having a bad day so I said some things, not realizing my microphone was still on that resulted in a stern talking to from my boss. So I really didn’t want to include that, I think I prefer vagueness for that situation. But I can understand what you mean.

Also, for the run on would you suggest a semi colon where the comma is or just placing a period there and splitting it into two sentences?

Your essay is now public property. I’m sorry to tell you, but it’s probably best to scrap it and start over. And don’t post it on a public forum.

Its ok, because though you are supposed to showcase your accomplishments, you did it in a kind of boring way. I suggest trying to make it more interesting by making your writing a lot more interesting and not using generic response. Hope this helps!! :)>-