Help with the National Honor Society Essay!!!

I am a junior in high school, and i am not that great at writing. Can someone read my essay and tell me if it is good enough. Very much appreciated.

To be inducted as a nominee for the National Honor Society in recognition for strongly commendable students is firstly an upmost honor. I first heard about the NHS from my older brother whom was an alumnus. He told me that the opportunities and the prestige this organization offers for students are exceptional and to be an inductee is one of his greatest achievements in high school. These words settled in my head as I embraced my freshman year in high school. I did not allow the excess freedom and the change of environment impact my goals of having a greater education, as well as becoming a role model for the younger generations. I strongly believed that the NHS is an outstanding organization and I would consider myself an excellent candidate. This year, my cumulative GPA stands at an admirable 4.222. Through many tough hours of studying and putting in effort in school these past three years, I finally achieved a GPA worth noting about. I tried to take as many rigorous classes as I can and tried to participate in many extra-curricular activities. Since my freshman year, the main core classes that I am required to take are usually honors. Some of the classes that I am currently taking this year include Pre-Calculus, AP Biology, Advance English III, and Advance US History. Aside from classes and homework, I participate in many extracurricular activities in conjunction with volunteering outside of school. I am part of many clubs such as EPIC (Empower Peers Inspire Change), Asian Club, and Trend. I learned that becoming a part of a school or community club, one can find new people to interact as well as learn from. I pride myself as a peer leader for EPIC. The purpose of this community club raises awareness for underage drinking and drug use. As peer leaders, we tackle volunteer opportunities, host community events, attend city hall meetings, and talk to younger kids at the middle school about the dangers of using illegal drugs. Becoming a peer leader gave me a higher access to communicate with the younger generations. As a junior role model, I strive to become someone who is honest, diligent, and looked up upon. The qualities of a good leader are shown in some of the volunteer work I do around my community and school. I like to take initiative and be a leader whom listens to my peers about their ideas then formulating it into something everyone can agree on. Ever since freshman year, I joined various clubs and sports. Sports are one thing that I loved and enjoy participating. I played tennis for three years and I ran track for one. Sports teach one discipline and hard work. The amount of work you put in shows during the crucial times. Running track disciplined me to become a better man and mentally strengthen me as a person. How many times did I feel the urge to quit but through the encouragement of my teammates, I realized that everyone needs that someone to push them to the limit. After learning this lesson from track, I transferred my knowledge into tennis. I push my teammates to their limits and encourage them to never give up. Considering many aspects of my life, I feel that I am qualified for the National Honor Society. I am a beneficial, conscientious, and diligent student whom partake in many school activities, extracurricular, and a good student in class.

whom was an alumnus.
*who

I did not allow the excess freedom and the change of environment impact my goals of having a greater education, as well as becoming a role model for the younger generations.
What?

GPA stands at an admirable 4.222.
Little bit of ego, there?

GPA worth noting about.
Uh…do you mean “noteworthy”?

I tried to take as many rigorous classes as I can and tried to participate
Do or do not, there is no try.

Since my freshman year, the main core classes that I am required to take are usually honors
So wordy! “Since freshman year, I have taken most core classes at the honors level.”

Advance English III, and Advance US History.
Do you mean advanceD?

interact as well as learn from.
*interact with as well as learn from

I pride myself as a peer leader for EPIC.
*I pride myself on being a peer leader for EPIC

and looked up upon
*looked up to

be a leader whom listens to my peers
*who

then formulating it into something everyone can agree on.
*formulate them into something

Ever since freshman year, I joined

  • I have joined

Sports are one thing that I loved and enjoy participating.
You don’t participate something, you participate IN something.

How many times did I feel the urge to quit
This is a question, not a statement.

student whom partake in many school activities, extracurricular, and a good student in class.
You don’t “partake in a good student in class.”
*student who partakes in many school activities, extracurriculars, and classroom discussions."

You have issues with who/whom. Look up how to use them correctly. A rule of thumb: ask yourself a question. Who(m) partakes in many school activities? If you can answer, HE partakes in many school activities, it’s WHO, not WHOM. If the question is, To who(m) did you give the paper? You answer, I gave the paper to HIM. hiM = whoM.

Thank you so much for your corrections! I will use your advice and change my essay.