Rate my SAT 25-minute essay please?

<p>So this prompt was posted in another thread by another student who gave his or her own response.</p>

<p>I wanted to take a gander at this prompt and see what I could do under 25 minutes.
I certainly wish they would let us type out our essays instead of writing them; the 25-minute limit would be much easier to preserve.
Here it is.
Don't yell at me for typing please, I know that this shows nowhere near my writing speed, but hopefully some representation of my possible thought during a real SAT sitting.</p>

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<p>Prompt: Traditionally the term "heroism" has been applied to those who have braved physical danger to defend a cause or protect others. Byt one of the most feared dangers people face is that of disapproval by their family, peers, or community. Sometimes acting courageously requires someone to speak out at the risk of such rejection. We should consider those who do so true heroes.</p>

<p>Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it? Plan and write an essay.</p>

<p>Timed: 10:14-10:39 PM</p>

<p>Throughout our modern history, heroes are often praised and idolized as role models. The great leader of America, Theodore Roosevelt, once said, "A hero is one who radiates not only the courage and strength, but also success". Heroes have acted as an important aspect of our world, actively shaping it through their commendable actions. They have firmly upheld their own beliefs and doctrines even when opposed by the majority. Thus, heroes are defined as people who advocate their own ideas, even when the odds are against them.</p>

<p>One crucial example of a hero in history is Rosa Parks. During the Civil Rights Movement, blacks, as the minority, were harshly mistreated and treated as being inferior to the white race. For this reason, on public buses throughout the nation, when a black citizen boarded, he or she was required to move to sit in the back seats, while the whites were given privilege to the front. Rosa Parks, as a firm advocate of racial equality, decided to refuse surrendering her seat to a white citizen while on a bus in Montgomery. Park's act of singularity in 1952 initiated a movement of boycotts and refusals to give up seats by blacks throughout the nation, ultimately inspiring Martin Luther King's speeches of freedom and the eventual legislation of racial equality passed by the United States' Government. For this reason, Rosa Parks is deemed a hero who spoke out for her own opinion.</p>

<p>Another depiction of a hero can be observed in The Scarlet Letter, a novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne. A woman named Hester Prynne has committed adultery and is branded with the letter "A" to symbolize her incriminating acts. Prynne is shunned by her community and sinks into depression and hate. However, Prynne eventually decides to shed her inner demons of her past and embrace a new future. She decides to help members of her community through generous acts of kindness, eventually becoming a symbol of benevolence. She is no longer known as the adulterer, but rather as a giving, independent women. The "A" imbued on her skin loses its association to an unlawful act, and now stands for the word "able", signifying Hester's ability to help others. Hester goes against the majority view of herself and is able to forge a new, brighter future for herself. Throughout Hawthorne's story, Hester can be considered a hero for her courageous acts and inspirational positive thinking.</p>

<p>A final resemblance of the hero remains in my personal memory of my brother. My older brother, Steve, was always a generous scholar, and throughout the years of his high school life, pursued the most rigorous courses available. However, during his junior year, he was diagnosed suddenly with terminal cancer and was presented with only a few weeks to live. Steve, as the bright and intellectual man he always was, never sunk down to the depths of depression and sadness like many others who had fallen ill to his similar condition. He applied his artistic prowess to forging beautiful paintings for our local orphanage, spearheading charity events and clothing drives for the poor, and championing a school dance and football competition to fund-raise for the Connecticut Food Bank. Despite his terminal condition, my brother sought to better the lives of many others instead of worrying about his own. In my opinion, Steve will always be a hero, the absolute manifestation of generosity, defiance, and a true role model to follow.</p>

<p>Through the examples of Rosa Parks in the Civil Rights Movement, Hester Prynne in The Scarlet Letter, and my brother with his terminal cancer, the true identity of a hero is made clear. A hero should be one who argues for what he or she truly believes in and acts in this way. The three examples preserve this notion, and accurately portray such models of utmost perseverance in their own ideas even against the general crowd. As Fitzgerald once said, "A true hero is one who does not fear the green light of the dock, the fear of disgrace and depression".</p>

<p>So yeah, this took exactly ~24 minutes, and while it is OBVIOUS that I would not even be able to write 3/4s of that in handwriting, it is completely possible for someone to think up such an argument within 25 minutes. (The real problem is getting all that written down...would need some handwriting speed training for that xD) Also, another potential issue is that the essay above would possibly exceed the two pages, but in that case, condensing is easier than producing.</p>

<p>Another thing; note how I inaccurately wrote that Rosa Parks had her "convention" in 1952. I think unmajor historical inaccuracies are fine, right?
Furthermore, both of the quotes in the intro and conclusion aren't real. At all. I just made them up.</p>

<p>Rate me pls, and give me anywhere for improvement pls? Super pls? D=</p>

<p>wow~ nearly 700 words…
i think you don’t need the last personal anecdote, and the rest 500 words can be written in 25 min.
the biggest problem of this essay is that it don’t have any sub-argument at the front of the body paragraphs. so after i read one of these, i just knew that XXX is a hero, and he/she said what they thought. but i still can’t figure out WHYshould a hero be defined as blablabla. so you need to write the reasons down.
in order to make the argument stronger, you may use a counterexample like (XXX didn’t say what he/she thought, and he/she is not regarded as a hero.) otherwise people may think not all heroes fit in your definition. </p>

<p>by the way, self-made events and quotations are OK, but you’d better not make them up while you are testing, that’s a waste of time and may increase the stress. you can use the wikipedia and google to search some historical<br>
stuff and memorize some. that will help.</p>