Read an essay!

Open to constructive criticism as well.

“Why do you want to attend George Washington University and what will you contribute?”

In the background, a muted television buzzed with an electronic hum. I couldn’t believe what I had just witnessed. Gore wins Florida. No wait, Bush wins. No, hold on, we’re not sure. The entire experience was surreal. The media, the very people who were supposed to inform the public, didn’t have a clue. It was on that day, in the fall of 2000, that I realized what I wanted to do for a career. Not only was I furious with the media’s coverage of the electoral process, I knew that I could do better. After this revelation, I recognized that I had to choose a university that would equip me with the skills to accomplish this calling. The George Washington University is a wonderful place for a politically active journalist; which is exactly why the university has intrigued me ever since I began the college research process.

My contact with the university has been limited, though I have done thorough research through the GWU website, as well as independent sources. By enrolling in the Columbian College of Arts and Sciences, I will use my innate talent and tireless work ethic to become the type of student GWU was founded to teach. Specifically, the School of Media and Public Affairs will provide me with a truly outstanding opportunity to learn from some of the most gifted and influential people in media. Making the most of this opportunity, I will approach every task with zeal and tenacity, never taking for granted that I am surrounded by the world’s newsmakers. I also read The Hatchet online, and I feel I can be an outstanding contributor to an outstanding student newspaper, whether it be through writing thought-provoking editorials, insightful commentaries or hard hitting investigative news articles.

<pre><code>I’ve spent my entire life on the west coast. No one I know has even considered The George Washington University, much less attended. While this may be intimidating to some, I relish the prospect of doing something few from my background have ever done. I am mature enough to deal with the pressures of college life and being away from my family, so I view the regional difference as something exciting, not intimidating. My maturity will also help me deal with the distinct differences of a relatively small and sleepy state like Idaho to the intensity of life in Washington DC.
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I don’t expect to be handed anything, other than the opportunity to learn at a well-respected university. What I get out of my education is dependent on what I put into it, so I will bring a passion for knowledge and a determination to succeed with me to the District. Though I must accomplish my professional objectives on my own, I believe The George Washington University will be the perfect launching pad to help me reach all my goals.

<p>So, like yeah, 10 characters, right?</p>

<p>i like it. the only problem i have with it is "innate talent." sounds braggy</p>

<p>Anyone else have comments? I'm thinking of mailing this off tomorrow, so I'd love some feedback.</p>

<p>Nice essay. Just two suggestions: check your essay for grammatical errors, i.e., phrases on both sides of a semicolon need to be independent clauses, and consider reworking your essay to convert some of the "I"s to me or my _____.</p>

<p>Thanks LM. </p>

<p>I was worried that the transitions were a bit rough, but after reading it out loud for the 400th time I think it works.</p>

<p>Please please please help.</p>

<p>This is the last time I'm going to bump this, so I'd really appreciated some feedback.</p>

<p>"My maturity will also help me deal with the distinct differences of a relatively small and sleepy state like Idaho to the intensity of life in Washington DC."
i don't get that?</p>

<p>good style
but lots of "i will"s
back it up with stuff you have done in high school</p>

<p>Well, I'm saying that life in Idaho vs. life in DC is a big jump, so I'll rely on my maturity to get by.</p>

<p>Thanks for the tip on "I will."</p>

<p>why did you mention idaho? you said you lived on west coast, if you consider idaho west coast your in trouble</p>

<p>I mentioned Idaho because that is where I live. Idaho is the West Coast. Especially western Idaho (Boise). It's not technically on the "West Coast" but Vermont isn't on a coast and people still consider it "East coast." </p>

<p>Also, I was born in Washington and lived in Oregon for a few years.</p>

<p>I think its good, sounds honest. I don't think there's anything wrong with your use of the "I will's", you are clearly addressing the question asked.</p>

<p>Good Luck!</p>

<p>AndrewD--Not to be picky but I consider Idaho to be in the Pacific Northwest, as is WA and OR. (I lived in Moscow for a couple of years.) Vermonters describe themselves as New Englanders, not East Coast. None of that state has ocean coastline. Just something to consider.</p>