<p>While I completely agree about resume stuffing (your son shouldn’t suddenly take up new ECs or pretend to care about activities that have never interested him before), that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t show some interest in the admission process or respect for the school. Doing SOME studying for the SSAT is smart, if he really cares about getting in. It doesn’t have to be excessive, it doesn’t mean getting a coach or taking a class–but at least taking a practice test or two and looking at the types of questions asked in order to get comfortable with the test-- that will make a huge difference. Likewise, dressing appropriately for interviews (at least to the school’s dress code, maybe one notch above) shows respect and interest in the process–it doesn’t mean he’s pretending to be something he’s not. If a school HAS a dress code, he’s going to have to dress according to that dress code anyway. (That said, most schools do allow shorts in hot weather–even schools with very strict dress codes–like Deerfield, where boys can wear shorts and flip-flops-- but still have to wear collared shirts, ties, and jackets). Think of a school interview as a job interview. Even if workplace dress was somewhat casual, wouldn’t you dress up a notch to show you’re interested in the job and respect the interviewer? It doesn’t mean you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. It just shows you actually care about getting the job. And no one wants to hire someone who isn’t committed to the job–just as no AO wants to admit someone who doesn’t care about their school. Again, I totally agree with pwalsh about suddenly taking up new activities-- but for a school to appreciate your son–just as he is, with his own interests and quirks, he has to get in the door first. Making a little extra effort doesn’t mean he’s a big phony-- it just shows he’s interested in being taken seriously.</p>
<p>Oops - I gave the wrong impression. He does care, very much, and shows it, he is doing practice tests, and they were nice shorts. 
He did dress more formally for an interview that took place after school was in session.</p>
<p>Yes, ChoatieDad and I were in complete agreement that ChoatieKid needed to get the heck out of Dodge, BUT (and this is a big BUT), I SO wish we had more completely scoured every single possible option more thoroughly before we so glibly decided to bail on our local offerings. There is no denying that the BS experience (the whole package) blows away any school here, public or private, but had we known about a completely unadvertised program at our good, local community college where CK could have entered as a ninth-grader and graduated with an associates degree, we wouldnt have considered BS. The problem is, after even a trimester at Choate, there was no turning back. Once hed sampled the goods, it would have been next to impossible for him to re-adjust here. He is happy in his soul at Choate. So be it, but dont underestimate the [post=14879417]emotional toll[/post] of losing your precious kiddo so soonthe BS reward comes at a very heavy price. If weve had disagreements about the wisdom of BS, its been after the fact.</p>
<p>So, I wish we had been more thorough in our local research, and I also wish we had been more educated about all the great BS choices out there and had not so ignorantly limited ourselves to the few we happened to know about. I read about all the hidden gems and wish we had known about them, especially those on the far left of the map. Instead, we told our son about the handful of NE schools we had some familiarity with and told him to go look at those and decide which appealed. I bring this up because I am concerned about your comment that twinspapa has realized that a top boarding school would probably be the best thing for your son. How can he really know that–especially if this is a recent 180-degree switch? Please, please, please convince him to spend some enjoyable time researching a broad range of schools. Pour him a cup of coffee (remove any distracting posts that you have taped to his cup) and, together with your son, dive deep into the hidden gems thread to start a conversation about all the possibilities out there. Surf school websites together and separately. Talk about what you all want and what your collective goals are for your sons HS education and experience. PM parents with kids at schools you are interested in. Visit any campuses you can. Set aside pre-conceived notions. Cast that net wide so you can be surer of making the best possible catch and not falling victim to the empty lure of the word top. If there is anything CC has taught me its that there are so many excellent schools out there. The one(s) that would be best for your son may be a complete surprise, but you wont know until youve given them a chance.</p>
<p>I realize you are asking about agreement between spouses and student on the BS decision, and I seem to be focusing on regrets and giving unsolicited advice, but I am trying to point out that even when the entire family is in agreement with the decision to go to BS and which schools to apply to, there should be some caution. Our total agreement was simplistic and blinded us to the range of possibilities that would have been very much worth exploring. Our son is completely happy where he is but as a happy accident rather than the result of due diligence in the search and application process. Ironically, the only disagreement we had was over the Choate application. The TSAO event in October put Choate on his radar, but he didnt start the application until December after he had finished the others and was dragging his feet because of all his pre-holiday commitments. I didnt want any stress over the holidays, so I told him to let this one go, three applications were enough (!), lets just be done already. ChoatieDad did not agree and overruled me mostly because hes big on follow-through, finishing what you start. I guess that was a good decision.</p>
<p>As to your particular comments about wearing shorts (I laughed at that), doing an extra project, and prepping for the SAT–the shorts were fine, the extra project is not going to tip any scale, and the basic SAT prep advice @Daykidmom gives is sound. When I said ChoatieKid did not have any earth-shattering resume, I meant it, but he did have depth to his ECs. Hes been in Scouts since kindergarten; he was a Life Scout when he applied and will achieve his Eagle rank either over winter break this year or in June despite the long stretches at BS. Also, he has a passion that he has been enjoying since fifth grade and plans to pursue in college before making it his lifes work (hear me sigh again). So, though his EC list was very short, it was very deep and very genuine. Encourage your son to highlight those things that light him up both on his application and on his interview intake form. His interviewers will latch onto those interests as conversation material and give him his best opportunity to shine as he talks comfortably about what hes good at or what he knows. I believe many of those standard questions are tossed at kids who dont give interviewers much to work with.</p>
<p>Ive rambled too long (obviously too much time on my hands this morning). I wish all the best to you and your super kid as you feel your way along this path.</p>
<p>ChoatieMom said:
</p>
<p>This also concerns me. Just because a kid is super smart does not mean that they “need” to be at a “top” school. I really wish more families would, after ruling out schools that could not challenge their child (which there aren’t many of), only look at where their kids would be the happiest. Look for schools that will provide the kind of environment in which your student will feel comfortable enough to take risks and ask for help if needed. I really cannot stress enough that even a “superkid” can be academically challenged at the “hidden gems.”</p>
<p>Having a kid at boarding school and being a kid at boarding school is stressful enough without being in the incredibly intense environment that so many of the top schools foster. Please consider quality of life issues as well. While my daughter would have done really well at Exeter, for example, I doubt she would be as happy there as she is at Mercersburg. At Exeter, she would have been just another smart kid around a table. At Mercersburg, she is her wonderful unique self.</p>
<p>ˆˆˆˆˆWhere is my “Like” button when I need it?!?</p>
<p>Some more thoughts:</p>
<p>I think so much depends on where you live and what sort of “success” type culture A) you personally buy into; and B) is prevalent in your neck of the woods. </p>
<p>Where we live, there is unfortunately an abundance of the “is my kid doing enough/am I doing enough/tiger parenting (of all ethnicities)” culture. And an abundance of opportunities. </p>
<p>So yeah, there are a number of 13 year old nationally ranked squash players/fencers, 13 year olds who have toured Europe with various youth choirs, 13 year olds who have played Lincoln Center/Carnegie Hall, and 13 year olds who have near perfect SAT (not SSAT) scores. And some who are all of the above. And these are real kids, too. Not mythical or puffed up.</p>
<p>Yes, some of these kids will be applying to BS along with your child. And depending on the school and what they are looking for in that particular applicant class, these kids might have a better chance. But they might not.</p>
<p>It is my feeling that schools tend to look for students who will both A) contribute the most to the school (not necessarily in a financial sense), and B) “suck out all the marrow” that a school has to offer…really throw themselves into that school’s mission and culture.</p>
<p>Regarding the “packaging” and the “Nobel Laureate 13 year olds”, I think you just have to be aware of what your kid is up against and weigh your odds very very candidly. If boarding school is important to your child and there is ANYTHING you can do to tip the odds in your favor (like dressing up a bit for the interview), I’d do it.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t try to pad the resume or try to cram some “outstanding” experience in at this point in the game. I think the AOs are savvy enough to know when something is done out of genuine passion/interest and when it’s done for other reasons. Likewise, I wouldn’t ask a kid to be something that he/she is not.</p>
<p>Other parents have already shared success stories of kids who seemed to be in similar places as your own…so take some comfort in that. </p>
<p>You seem to be 100% comfortable with your at home options, so I say don’t fret. But make him wear pants.</p>
<p>AND STAY AWAY FROM THE CHANCE ME THEADS.</p>
<p>Oh, we are definitely looking at the so-called hidden gems, too (and Mercersburg is way up there on the list). DS is applying to Exeter because he is very excited by the idea of the Harkness method, the “fit” seems right for him, and we know that if they want him, they will make it affordable for us. Andover, notwithstanding its obvious merits and reputation, is on our list for the third of those reasons. Otherwise, we are looking at schools that are less distant from us (i.e. no farther than central CT), particularly those that, as far as we can tell, shine in DS’s areas of interest. </p>
<p>ChoatieMom and neatoburrito (cute name), I start to tear up whenever I think of the reality of having our son gone. But I do think he will thrive away from us. My preference would be to have him within easy reach of us and in a relatively “nurturing” environment, but I don’t think he really cares about either factor. </p>
<p>My husband isn’t really interested in doing research on schools, and he cares more about the prestige factor than I do, but he is well aware that our son would be incredibly lucky to go to any of the schools we are looking at. When I say “a top boarding school,” I include all these schools and more. So we are following the good advice I have found in this forum and casting a wide net. I hope we catch a fish. :-)</p>
<p>Note that MANY schools (not just Exeter) practice the Harkness method and even have those fancy (and expensive!) tables with the pull out desks.</p>
<p>SevenDad, pants will be worn! </p>
<p>The boy was apparently brainwashed by Exeter - his first interview - and refuses to go anywhere that doesn’t use Harkness. I had to dig into every school’s website to make sure they used Harkness tables or at least discussion-based classes.</p>
<p>Just so you know-- it’s very common for BS to use the Harkness method in the humanities and social sciences. Exeter extends that to math and science, but your son should realize he’ll still get the Harkness experience at many of these schools-- just not in every subject.</p>
<p>Oops-- message crossed with SevenDad saying the same-- sorry for the redundancy!</p>
<p>The sad part for me is that after going through the process last year with my son (who now attends a TSAO school), I’m already thinking about how to better my 6th graders’ chances. Of course I KNOW that it’s all about fit, but I would like for her to have a less stressful process, with more options at the end.<br>
Crazy. What’s happened to me!?!</p>
<p>Bookmarking this thread - I have many of the same questions.</p>
<p>Did the OP write this article? 
[Why</a> Back-to-School Night Made Me Feel Like a Bad Mom - Jessica Lahey - The Atlantic](<a href=“Why Back-to-School Night Made Me Feel Like a Bad Mom - The Atlantic”>Why Back-to-School Night Made Me Feel Like a Bad Mom - The Atlantic)
</p>
<p>The OP (moi) is a comfortable old mama pussycat who sometimes wonders whether she should try harder to be a Tiger Mother or - to completely destroy the metaphor - a low-flying helicopter. </p>
<p>But I never got to hear about Ilse’s swim team practice or Kevin’s cello lesson at my back-to-school night, because I was the crazy woman running in and out of classrooms, trying to go to both twins’ classes at the same time (my own version of Pressured Parent Phenomenon).</p>
<p>And this is me, except in October…</p>
<p>[Jen</a> Hatmaker - Worst End of School Year Mom Ever](<a href=“http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/30/worst-end-of-school-year-mom-ever]Jen”>http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/30/worst-end-of-school-year-mom-ever)</p>
<p>Oh, Neato - thank you for the fun read! </p>
<p>(Our family doesn’t even make it through September.)</p>
<p>I never did all that stuff, even in September. I finally got rid of the unopened books from when my kids were younger that were full of great craft ideas and ways to amuse children and how to create family rituals, etc., etc., and so forth. (Getting rid of the books doesn’t get rid of the guilt, alas.) </p>
<p>But…I did read to my kids. So now, if I get a little rattled by hearing about Ilse’s swim team practice, I can casually direct the conversation to the PSSA scores that just came back. Heh heh heh. (The PSSA is a standardized achievement test for Pennsylvania students.)</p>
<p>Well our state test scores came back as well. All the more reason to escape LPS as every category shows ‘advanced’ and no additional challenges available w/o endless hours of driving.</p>
<p>I’m often surprised that other parents don’t look at the kids scores nor the stats published at the state websites. Here, 40% test takers receive ‘advanced’ in math thus if their kids get ‘proficient’ or below, it could be the kids math is at bottom 60% or lower. In reading and writing less than 15% of kids receive ‘advanced’ so a high ‘proficient’ mark does not signal panic.</p>
<p>Oh, Thank you! Neato’s link and pictures therein sent me a trip to memory lane. I’m so glad elementary school is over! **
I discovered during that era, hitherto unknown creative and crafty side of me. Or was it just problem solving skills from my day job?
I stapled and stitched my winter felt hat to make a colonial tricorn hat for ‘constitution signing day’ (after discovering that ordering costumes online require at least 4 days.)*
A parent asked me how I attached [safely] the mustache to my little Albert Schweitzer on the living history museum day. I glued cotton balls to a bandaid and put the band on him.
For the Roman god pageant, a white pillow case with holes won’t do it for me. *My Zeus had my silk blouse for a robe, brown flip flops with a thin brown gift wrapping tape wrapping his feet and shins around. He walked out throwing gold pipe cleaners (which I found out what they were only after googling it) for lightnings.</p>
<p>I chuckled when I read Professor Chua aka Tiger mother’s writing
“… there’s nothing I hate more than all these festivals and projects that … schools specialize in. <em>Instead of making kids study from books … schools are constantly trying to make learning fun by parents do all the work.”
(bold emphasis mine.)</em>
I couldn’t agree more. Attending these events in the middle of day not overlapping with lunch hour meant precious paid time off hours.</p>