Reality for College Transfers and Social Life (my story)

Transfer Students
1

<p>I want to introduce myself if I haven't on other threads. My name is TransferGuy12 (not in real life but on here it is lol) and I found college confidential through google and of course searching information about the social life of college transfers. Not too long ago I transferred from a 4 year Commuter type campus (no dorms, lived at home while going to college) to a Division 1A University in the SEC that has been ranked top 10 party school consistently by magazines. My social life there was okay but not great or anything.</p>

<p>Excitement right? </p>

<p>Well, let me tell you one more thing about myself. I am a fairly decent looking guy (I can elaborate more on that if you want me to) and I am outgoing, not an introvert, far from it. Dream situation right?</p>

<p>Alright. Now lets get to my story! Might be kind of long but worth the read, since you guys are college students I think you have the attention span to read it.</p>

<p>The spring semester that ended was my first semester at my university. I was outgoing and had no issues talking to people or anything. On top of that I was even on the meal plan (won't be the case this coming semester) and even lived near campus.</p>

<p>Now of course it was my first time living on my own, so that could definitely factor into it. I was adjusting to doing everything myself and of course that took up some time, now I am more adjusted though.</p>

<p>Yet I still talked to people in my classes as much as I could and people weren't freaked out by it or anything. We talked, exchanged numbers, and met up to study for tests. Other than that, nothing more, nothing less. </p>

<p>Well, I played with the idea of rushing a fraternity since I really wanted to get involved in the college experience. I couldn't do it, upperclassmen at my university are generally not taken by a lot of the recognized fraternities on campus. Big woop! Who needs a fraternity in order to have a social life in college right!?</p>

<p>So the semester went on and I noticed a trend.</p>

<p>A lot of the people who were open to meeting me were mainly freshman students. Upperclassmen were a bit welcoming but most kept their distance in the sense that they never really hung out with anyone except for their friends they met their freshman year. Again, I am an outgoing guy, I am not an introvert, but I had so many feelings of loneliness.</p>

<p>Now as the semester moves on I meet more college transfers. Problem is, I talk to them and they have the same issues. Most of their friends end up being freshmen students and they claim that upperclassmen (juniors and seniors) have already formed their social circles to the point that all newcomers have a tough time breaking in.</p>

<p>For me, this is a bad situation. I find freshman to be nice and kind but juniors are more on my wavelength and have the same things in common with me that I have with them. Also, it is nice to be around people who have a lot in common with you because that way you can form a good social circle. A junior won't really fit into a freshman social circle for example.</p>

<p>Well, as many of you know, social circle is nearly everything for social life in college. No one really likes talking to the loner. For me, as much as I tried to avoid being a loner, I ended up being a loner in my semester at my new university. I had nights I would go out to eat alone and see everyone else eating in groups. At times I felt pretty miserable and lonely. Had some days when I would get a social life going but overall I would say my first semester as a transfer student was a disaster. </p>

<p>When others would go away to trips with their close friends, I would be trapped with nothing to do and wondering what I can do. It was tough!</p>

<p>But I hope things get better because I have a few more semesters left here.</p>

<p>The issue I feel with being a transfer is that you become a misfit almost. You have to find a way to make friends who are your age and in the same part of college (junior) as you are. For me, I want to talk to juniors and seniors since I am about to graduate.</p>

2

<p>Sorry to hear about the difficulty of transferring and social life, it’s definitely an issue that is an unknown until you’ve already committed.</p>

<p>D1 initially had a lot of friends who were fellow soph transfers, and that circle spread out over the years. Also, she was in a school with residential colleges, and the room situation tended to separate by years. </p>

<p>It is definitely always hard to break into a group of people when they have had a year or two to establish ties. Best of luck to you, it sounds like you’re doing your best to become integrated in your class. Have you tried any clubs, sports or other ECs?</p>

3

<p>Sorry to hear about your troubles. I would take @entomom’s advice and look into clubs and intramural sports. That seems to be a good way to meet people your own age. However, on a side note, this experience will be one you will be thankful to have had. It can only strengthen you. Best of luck my college confidential comrade!</p>

4

<p>I say just keep strong! I’m worried of attending a school as an incoming Junior transfer from across the states. I know it will be a new experience for me, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to make that bond with people (compared to going to college as a freshman). Another college that I’m interested in is very local. My high school is a feeder school to USC and if I decide to transfer there, I would be seeing a lot of familiar faces. Only thing though, I still will not be able to have that bond as if I were a freshmen. Can I have your advice? If I had to choose of going to the school far away, would you recommend me dorming with a bunch of Freshmen, or a dorm with Sophomores/Juniors? Thanks :slight_smile: All I can say is keep strong and keep trying!</p>

5

<p>Some colleges have support groups just for transfer students. See if yours does. Also, might help to find a very social roommate or group of roommates. Check your college’s ads for housing, and try to get in a group house. </p>

<p>I feel your pain. I was in a similar situation in college. It was very difficult. Whenever I hear a senior in high school say, “If I don’t like my college, I’ll just transfer,” or "I’ll go to X for a couple years to save money, then transfer,"I cringe. There certainly are valid reasons for transferring, but it’s not something to be taken lightly. You are correct in stating that social circles are formed freshman year, and that is when students are most open to new friends.</p>

6

<p>Yeah this is the thing I am kind of nervous about. I am debating going to a school that’s far away where I won’t know anyone and being friendless because of the reasons you stated is scary. Or I could go to a school closer to home where I have plenty of friends already and there would be a much larger number of transfers.</p>

7

<p>Did join an EC but as for clubs and sports, I did not get to since I could not make a free agent meet due to testing.</p>

<p>Worst part is relationships. I am a guy who loves to date and be with girls but it has been nearly impossible for me at my new university. Can’t join a frat, if you can’t join a frat then the girls look at you as an outcast.</p>

8

<p>Can you get an on-campus job that is social? I made my best college friends working at an on-campus restaurant.</p>

9

<p>I’m starting at a new university as a junior this Fall and I can definitely see myself having the same problems as you. I really hope it doesn’t end up being the case though. Thanks for sharing your experiences.</p>

10

<p>I’ve started at a new university over the summer and definitely have the same issues. Fortunately I’m a sophomore level transfer, so I don’t think I’ll be too far removed from the freshmen when they come. But yea, I agree with people who shake their heads when high school seniors talk about, how oh yea, of course I’m going to transfer to a better university (not talking about those that go to a community college or a four year where it’s expected that the better students transfer out). They don’t realize what a hassle it is to transfer credits, establish a new social group as you loose your friends you’ve made over the last year, and basically start over from scratch. </p>

<p>Also, many universities understandably don’t have nearly the support for transfer students that they do for freshmen. Whereas the first semester freshmen year seems to be a get to know the university while we hold your hand, transfer students are basically forced to figure everything out for themselves.</p>

11

<p>I am starting to afraid of the coming year…
I am also a transfer. But the worse thing is that I am an international transfer, I can’t talk like an American(My oral English is very poor) . I don’t know if I can find new friends in a place where people from different culture …<br>
:(</p>

12

<p>My biggest issue so far with being a transfer is that you are removed from your fellow upperclassmen. I have made far more friends with freshman and sophomores than I have with juniors and seniors. </p>

<p>Also the formals and all that stuff, I seem to be missing out on that too. </p>

<p>Have looked for an oncampus college job and will try to get one for June when I am back in college.</p>

13

<p>Happykid took only about two seconds to adjust after transferring in as a junior after completing her AA at a community college. However (and this is a big however) her home-state public U receives MANY transfers each year from the community colleges, as well as a fair number of transfers from other colleges and universities. The transfer orientation is well-organized and thorough. In addition, her major involves a tremendous amount of group work so that all of the majors are continually thrown into projects together. Working late and living off campus just means that someone with a car takes everyone else home and they have an extra 10 to 20 minutes to get to know each other.</p>

<p>Back in the stone age, I changed colleges and lived off campus. I met other students in my labs, and at my jobs. Working is a great thing because you will meet people with whom at least you have that job in common. Food service jobs on campus are great, so are many of the jobs in the library, rec center, etc. Just keep looking.</p>

14

<p>I start classes in the thru session and I am looking for jobs on campus as much as I can.</p>

15

<p>Take your situation and use it as a motivator. You will survive, you will adapt. Put yourself out there and join clubs, intramurals sports, whatever. Who cares if your friends are freshman so long as you have common interests and enjoy hanging out with each other. As a transfer, it is true you have to work harder but it is a situation that I think has value in learning how to deal with it.</p>

16

<p>I was a transfer as a sophomore & made friends who were freshmen, upperclassmen and grad students, as well as other transfers. I was placed in the upperclass/grad dorm. I would sit at tables with others rather than eat alone and it worked fine, as long as I smiled and remained friendly but not PUSHY. I met quite a few kids from living in the dorm, more by my volunteer activities (I joined the campus Y and also got involved in their Board of Directors and was a volunteer in one of their programs. I also got involved in the national Y’s Board of Directors and was active in the department I was majoring in, getting to know the faculty quite well.</p>

<p>Our D transferred from CC to her dream U, which was 2500 miles from our home after 3 semesters of CC. She was in the middle of her sophomore year. She got herself a job on campus her 2nd day there and made quite a few good friends in her major at the job, as well as getting some excellent references for when she ultimately applied to get into the major from undeclared. She agreed that some kids did just hang with those they met as freshmen, but she did make a lot of great friends and was able to adjust pretty well. She met up with several very good friends from HS as well at her dream U and they introduced her to kids they met as freshmen. She met kids from her campus job, taking up two campus sports–fencing and later polo, her dorm, and her major (where classes were smaller and required group work).</p>

<p>Hang in there and really look to figure out what ECs to expand to and join. If you are interested in religion, there are often campus religious groups. If you like doing community service, there are quite a few orgs on campus and in the community that do that. It is really up to the individual to figure out his or her “niche,” and it can take some exploring and time.</p>

<p>Neither I, nor my D or H or S ever joined any frats or sororities, but all of us met a lot of nice people without it. There are a lot of ways of socializing and meeting people outside of the Greek system at most Us, even those that have a pretty strong Greek presence.</p>

17

<p>thanks guys, sometimes the lonely dinners really got to me the past semester but for thru session I am heading back to my university for summer classes</p>

<p>going to try and keep my head up and keep you guys updated on my situation</p>

<p>I hope now is not too late for me to look for jobs but my goal is to settle in and this time around be more active around campus. The summer months might end up being a bit brutal.</p>

18

<p>You might find people to be friendlier in the summer, since their usual friends arent there. In any case, good luck, Transferguy!</p>

19

<p>I am taking an upper level science class in the summer so chances are the people I run into will also be juniors and seniors. In that case I am really looking forward to classes but my issue is maintaining the relationships I form into the fall semester where I will run into a lot of freshman students.</p>

<p>My fear is just being too alienated and separated from other seniors.</p>

20

<p>College kids live busy, compartmentalized lives.
They have class friends, work friends, dorm friends, workout friends, volunteer friends, church friends as well as besties.
It is just simpler to relate to superficial friends in time limited situations.
Transferguy12-
Sorry to say but your posts reek of desperation.
Just a vibe that people pick up on.
Friendships happen organically but I get the drift you really don’t have a grip on cultivating and maintaining friendships with men or women.
Junior and seniors are focused on graduating and making new friends not as important.
Your fixation of having junior and senior friends is odd.
Good luck.</p>